I tend to blame my mother for almost everything that went wrong in my life, since I don't have a father. I was born out of wedlock. When I was younger, I was naturally shy, autistic and high-inhibited. She used this, since she was by nature authoritarian, angry, manipulative and narcissistic, with terrifying mood swings, while at the same time being a hypocrite and overprotective/insecure to the point of sickness. This destroyed me. She constantly nagged me to excel at school, throwing mad, childlike tantrums when I failed, and I failed more often as I grew up, because I became depressed. She only finished high school but my father finished college so this made her feel inferior, pressing me to study and losing it when I failed, because she obsessively wanted me to be like my father. She completely neglected my hygiene when I was young so I accepted it as natural state of things, and therefore went dirty and unwashed to school, stinking, so this alienated me further from my classmates. She also made me go against my classmates and against teachers for no reason, she also kept grudges and was in constant bad relations with most of our relatives, so she sent me to solve her disputes with them when I was a teenager.
Her brother was a drunk, so she terrified me as a child with stories of alcohol being extreme evil, this went to the point where I never drank in my life until I was 25, which alienated me further from my peers. Also, her brothers family was evil, they harassed me since I was little, making fun of me as undesired, stupid, dull, unwanted, ugly, retarded, unwashed, unable, terrorizing me always etc. This destroyed my confidence even further, making me a complete outcast in life. Even when I was admitted at mental hospital psychiatrists told her she is manipulative and that they think she is my main problem. I still live with her, and she denies all of this, and thinks she has been a great mother!
Result? I'm destroyed. At 27, I'm without even a glimpse of self-confidence, fat, ugly, completely autistic, my mental health is in ruins, have been admitted to mental hospitals numerous times. I always sat alone in school. I was bullied my whole life. I'm the only person in my generation that went alone to prom. And even that wasn't enough for her, I didn't want to go, but she made me go, throwing tantrums like a child. I have rotting teeth, stomach illness that's destroying me so I can't go anywhere or travel. Zero friends. Zero prospects. Zero anything. I just want to kill myself. And she still treats me like a child.
Her brother was a drunk, so she terrified me as a child with stories of alcohol being extreme evil, this went to the point where I never drank in my life until I was 25, which alienated me further from my peers. Also, her brothers family was evil, they harassed me since I was little, making fun of me as undesired, stupid, dull, unwanted, ugly, retarded, unwashed, unable, terrorizing me always etc. This destroyed my confidence even further, making me a complete outcast in life. Even when I was admitted at mental hospital psychiatrists told her she is manipulative and that they think she is my main problem. I still live with her, and she denies all of this, and thinks she has been a great mother!
Result? I'm destroyed. At 27, I'm without even a glimpse of self-confidence, fat, ugly, completely autistic, my mental health is in ruins, have been admitted to mental hospitals numerous times. I always sat alone in school. I was bullied my whole life. I'm the only person in my generation that went alone to prom. And even that wasn't enough for her, I didn't want to go, but she made me go, throwing tantrums like a child. I have rotting teeth, stomach illness that's destroying me so I can't go anywhere or travel. Zero friends. Zero prospects. Zero anything. I just want to kill myself. And she still treats me like a child.
