G
I grew up in a busy family with everything going on.
These were also uncertain times because I sometimes found myself in frightening and extremely violent moments.
Often fights on the street with rotten kids that resulted in outbursts of anger on my side. I immediately grabbed objects to neutralize my opponent. Well, that's how it went sometimes.
What I remember most is the uncertain relationship with my mother at the time. I knew her in all shapes and sizes, including those not so nice sides. She had psychological problems and suicidal tendencies. But that was also because she hooked one asshole after another who were really too nonsense for it.
These men were narcissistic and had violent outbursts towards me and especially my mother!
At school I had bad periods behind me of a lot of fighting and arguing. It had not been easy at all.
If I let it go and didn't go near the bastards and malicious people, I would have peace and I could come to myself to calmly continue my life, in my own way!
Because of all the uncertainty, I have turned out to be a not so woman-friendly person. Especially since I recognize the dark sides of being a woman in myself!
She longs too much for irrational security and pleasure with all its consequences. The ghost with the prince on the white horse and always wanting to be in the spotlight.
Be vulnerable, but not to be vulnerable but to generate attention. Women are little psychopaths who want to wrap everything around their fingers so that the world is theirs for the taking.
Women often blame everything and crawl too quickly into the role of victim, because the woman dear can't be as shitty as the asshole man on the other side.
I don't take sides, both types of people can be wrong and good. Still, I find women to be very short-sighted fools who put men's appearances first. If a man has an ugly appearance, he is a good-for-nothing in her eyes.
And I notice that all too well. Often rejections from women and unfriendly reactions from women towards me.
My autism and the situations have had a great influence on my life. Moreover, I was only very happy with myself because I feel good about myself and see myself as a buddy.
But my ugly appearance has also played a small role in that. If I had been a handsome boy in these situations, I would probably have joined the executioners and would now be stuck with a second-rate woman and children that I cannot take good care of!
But a blessing in disguise. I currently do not have a girlfriend and certainly no children.
In a certain sense, I also experience a lot of freedom because of my ugliness because I do not necessarily have to have a standard life to get by. I can also be myself and retreat into an environment where I am alone without having people following me around who can demand all sorts of things.
I experience freedom because people don't think I'm that special, so I can do everything and really learn to discover who I really am without being manipulated by the other.
The other can get along just fine without me, and that gives me a lot of peace, so much peace in fact that I can be my pure self without ending up in an identity crisis or existential crisis.
I am also an artist and I am allowed to work in an Atelier where I enjoy myself.
If people like things about me, such as a finished work of art, that is sincere and genuine without overwhelming me because I appear to be pretty.
Being alone without a woman is really not bad. And if I have friends, because I do, then they are genuinely honest people who accept me as I really am!
Being ugly has had many advantages in my situation, but there were certainly moments in my younger years when I was a slave to the thugs on the street or at school. The most ironic thing was that when I was not near them, I could happily go about my business.
You forget all about the little guy with an ugly face very quickly. It can hurt, but that loneliness is bearable.
As long as you love yourself.
These were also uncertain times because I sometimes found myself in frightening and extremely violent moments.
Often fights on the street with rotten kids that resulted in outbursts of anger on my side. I immediately grabbed objects to neutralize my opponent. Well, that's how it went sometimes.
What I remember most is the uncertain relationship with my mother at the time. I knew her in all shapes and sizes, including those not so nice sides. She had psychological problems and suicidal tendencies. But that was also because she hooked one asshole after another who were really too nonsense for it.
These men were narcissistic and had violent outbursts towards me and especially my mother!
At school I had bad periods behind me of a lot of fighting and arguing. It had not been easy at all.
If I let it go and didn't go near the bastards and malicious people, I would have peace and I could come to myself to calmly continue my life, in my own way!
Because of all the uncertainty, I have turned out to be a not so woman-friendly person. Especially since I recognize the dark sides of being a woman in myself!
She longs too much for irrational security and pleasure with all its consequences. The ghost with the prince on the white horse and always wanting to be in the spotlight.
Be vulnerable, but not to be vulnerable but to generate attention. Women are little psychopaths who want to wrap everything around their fingers so that the world is theirs for the taking.
Women often blame everything and crawl too quickly into the role of victim, because the woman dear can't be as shitty as the asshole man on the other side.
I don't take sides, both types of people can be wrong and good. Still, I find women to be very short-sighted fools who put men's appearances first. If a man has an ugly appearance, he is a good-for-nothing in her eyes.
And I notice that all too well. Often rejections from women and unfriendly reactions from women towards me.
My autism and the situations have had a great influence on my life. Moreover, I was only very happy with myself because I feel good about myself and see myself as a buddy.
But my ugly appearance has also played a small role in that. If I had been a handsome boy in these situations, I would probably have joined the executioners and would now be stuck with a second-rate woman and children that I cannot take good care of!
But a blessing in disguise. I currently do not have a girlfriend and certainly no children.
In a certain sense, I also experience a lot of freedom because of my ugliness because I do not necessarily have to have a standard life to get by. I can also be myself and retreat into an environment where I am alone without having people following me around who can demand all sorts of things.
I experience freedom because people don't think I'm that special, so I can do everything and really learn to discover who I really am without being manipulated by the other.
The other can get along just fine without me, and that gives me a lot of peace, so much peace in fact that I can be my pure self without ending up in an identity crisis or existential crisis.
I am also an artist and I am allowed to work in an Atelier where I enjoy myself.
If people like things about me, such as a finished work of art, that is sincere and genuine without overwhelming me because I appear to be pretty.
Being alone without a woman is really not bad. And if I have friends, because I do, then they are genuinely honest people who accept me as I really am!
Being ugly has had many advantages in my situation, but there were certainly moments in my younger years when I was a slave to the thugs on the street or at school. The most ironic thing was that when I was not near them, I could happily go about my business.
You forget all about the little guy with an ugly face very quickly. It can hurt, but that loneliness is bearable.
As long as you love yourself.
