I think that I am slowly starting to go insane once again.I stare into the dark abyss of my room at night, frequently mutter to myself,waste hours watching animal planet, my mind is an empty void at this point. I am currently on summer vacation and all I have done so far is absolutely nothing. People my age are out partying with their friends, going on dates, having sex, living their best years having a fucking blast, while I am rotting every single day in my dark depressing room.
People my age are always checking their phones seeing who wants to hang out with them, checking their social media to see how many people have liked their photos, my phone on the other hand never rings I constantly check it hoping one day someone will contact me, but I should know by now it will never happen this summer. Its only purpose serves as my alarm clock to remind me that I am still alive and ugly when I wake up and I to listen to my outdated gaming music. People my age always have something to look forward to someone that they are always talking , while I have nothing to look forward to,no one to talk to, every day is the same. I am only here just waiting until the day that I die.
I don't know how some of you oldcels have made it that far, but every day I struggle to find a reason not to just end it. My copes are becoming obsolete, video games get boring fast when you have no one to play with, anime is difficult to enjoy when you have no one IRL to discuss it with, vaping does not get my buzzed anymore, drinking alcohol in my room alone sucks because I have no one to talk to even when I am feeling less suicidal and more social and it gets old fast. I hardly speak to anymore except my parents, and when I don't talk to them I usually mutter to myself in the dark. I do not want to rope just yet, but I don't know how I will survive due to my mind slowly going down the gutter with the minuscule amount of human interaction I have. Only reason I posted this was because I have nothing better to do.
People my age are always checking their phones seeing who wants to hang out with them, checking their social media to see how many people have liked their photos, my phone on the other hand never rings I constantly check it hoping one day someone will contact me, but I should know by now it will never happen this summer. Its only purpose serves as my alarm clock to remind me that I am still alive and ugly when I wake up and I to listen to my outdated gaming music. People my age always have something to look forward to someone that they are always talking , while I have nothing to look forward to,no one to talk to, every day is the same. I am only here just waiting until the day that I die.
I don't know how some of you oldcels have made it that far, but every day I struggle to find a reason not to just end it. My copes are becoming obsolete, video games get boring fast when you have no one to play with, anime is difficult to enjoy when you have no one IRL to discuss it with, vaping does not get my buzzed anymore, drinking alcohol in my room alone sucks because I have no one to talk to even when I am feeling less suicidal and more social and it gets old fast. I hardly speak to anymore except my parents, and when I don't talk to them I usually mutter to myself in the dark. I do not want to rope just yet, but I don't know how I will survive due to my mind slowly going down the gutter with the minuscule amount of human interaction I have. Only reason I posted this was because I have nothing better to do.
