I am in hell.

[Abel]

For over a decade I've been trying to find purpose and meaning, but it eludes me evermore. Both working and studying via the system is almost definition-like torture if you are unlucky, which most people are, and which I am. They drain you of life, and give you bare bones in return. Worst still, most people feel this is normal.

Talking doesn't help. Rarely someone will ask me about the "bad stuff." It doesn't help to talk about it, it has been rationalized point by point. There is no solution, and explaining it only makes it more blatant and insulting. Happy moments do not exist. Fleeting "satisfactory" moments always become painful. How can one enjoy the present if the future taunts with constant pain. It only gets worse as you get older, in almost every way.

I feel like I'll die at 40 of a heart attack, the amount of stress and anxiety this body has sustained (is sustaining, and will sustain) is not okay by any metrics. Perhaps we did not evolve the capacity to voluntarily die (i.e., stop our heart rate by willing it) because this ability would be likely used early on in life, thus not passing on to future generations. I am in hell. I need help, and no one will, no one can.

 

[AmIjustDreaming]

I am in hell. I need help, and no one will, no one can.

same tbh

 

[Abel]

I've been crying all day.
I can't believe this is it. A hundred million years of evolution for this.

 

[Unsaveable]

I've been crying all day.
I can't believe this is it. A hundred million years of evolution for this.

Actually yes,

A hundred Millions years of evolution for you to realise it's over.

 

[mhhcookies]

I feel you man.
Stay strong.

 

[Smitty]

I feel you man.
Stay strong.

Night-snowwalks are what give me power, to bad half the year is shitty summer.

 

[Abel]

I feel you man.
Stay strong.

Thank you, that actually means a lot. I have no one else.

 

[mhhcookies]

Night-snowwalks are what give me power

Same. They really relax me. Hopefully there is snow this winter. Last year where I live there was nearly no snow.

 

[PPEcel]

First post after almost two years, goddamn. Welcome.

 

[Abel]

First post after almost two years, goddamn. Welcome.

Thank you, but I want to be dead, that's meaningless for me right now. Hope you're having a good night.

 

[Deleted member 301]

For over a decade I've been trying to find purpose and meaning, but it eludes me evermore. Both working and studying via the system is almost definition-like torture if you are unlucky, which most people are, and which I am. They drain you of life, and give you bare bones in return. Worst still, most people feel this is normal.

Talking doesn't help. Rarely someone will ask me about the "bad stuff." It doesn't help to talk about it, it has been rationalized point by point. There is no solution, and explaining it only makes it more blatant and insulting. Happy moments do not exist. Fleeting "satisfactory" moments always become painful. How can one enjoy the present if the future taunts with constant pain. It only gets worse as you get older, in almost every way.

I feel like I'll die at 40 of a heart attack, the amount of stress and anxiety this body has sustained (is sustaining, and will sustain) is not okay by any metrics. Perhaps we did not evolve the capacity to voluntarily die (i.e., stop our heart rate by willing it) because this ability would be likely used early on in life, thus not passing on to future generations. I am in hell. I need help, and no one will, no one can.

 

[Deleted member 16390]

When life is hell, use the heat to toast marshmellows...

 

[Abel]

View attachment 308035

I legitimately feel somewhat like that. Is that you in your signature?

 

[Deleted member 301]

I legitimately feel somewhat like that. Is that you in your signature?

Yep. LDARing like I do 24/7. Currently rewatching Dawn of the Dead (2004) whilst I'm in the process of digitising my entire DVD collection.

 

[Smitty]

Same. They really relax me. Hopefully there is snow this winter. Last year where I live there was nearly no snow.

This winter was ass.

 

[Abel]

Yep. LDARing like I do 24/7. Currently rewatching Dawn of the Dead (2004) whilst I'm in the process of digitising my entire DVD collection.

View attachment 308039

Sweet. Enjoy!

 

[Deleted member 301]

Sweet. Enjoy!

Cheers Bro Finding it quite therapeutic tbh, I'm using Plex to organise it into a user-friendly library with an interface. It's nice having them all on the harddrive at my fingertips Plus as a minimalist I can sell off or give away the hard copies.

 

[Abel]

Cheers Bro Finding it quite therapeutic tbh, I'm using Plex to organise it into a user-friendly library with an interface. It's nice having them all on the harddrive at my fingertips Plus as a minimalist I can sell off or give away the hard copies.

Try Jellifin, it's open source/free and works like a charm.

Alright, I'm gonna go for today. Hate my life btw ngl.

 

[FlamingCel]

For over a decade I've been trying to find purpose and meaning, but it eludes me evermore. Both working and studying via the system is almost definition-like torture if you are unlucky, which most people are, and which I am. They drain you of life, and give you bare bones in return. Worst still, most people feel this is normal.

Talking doesn't help. Rarely someone will ask me about the "bad stuff." It doesn't help to talk about it, it has been rationalized point by point. There is no solution, and explaining it only makes it more blatant and insulting. Happy moments do not exist. Fleeting "satisfactory" moments always become painful. How can one enjoy the present if the future taunts with constant pain. It only gets worse as you get older, in almost every way.

I feel like I'll die at 40 of a heart attack, the amount of stress and anxiety this body has sustained (is sustaining, and will sustain) is not okay by any metrics. Perhaps we did not evolve the capacity to voluntarily die (i.e., stop our heart rate by willing it) because this ability would be likely used early on in life, thus not passing on to future generations. I am in hell. I need help, and no one will, no one can.

turn to jesus christ,he will give you comfort

 

[Hell]

You were born here to suffer