Serious I am fresh out of the loony bin after a rope attempt

[overbeforeitbegan]

Today was my first day out of the mental health facility I found myself in after I tried to end it all. Waking up in hospital knowing I didn't calculate correctly and am now even more horribly disfigured was a brutal awakening.

My family have gathered around me and watching the pain in their eyes and suffering I have caused them has ripped a hole in my brain. I feel more suicidal than ever before and the cruel thing is I now know I can't kill myself, at least not until all my family have passed away. It's an extremely difficult reality shift.

Now I have nothing left ahead of me but suffering and hard work. I have to grit my teeth and make do with this insanely hellish lot in life. With a whole bunch of fucking disgusting marks all over my neck.

It's never been more over, and now I have to watch it play out before me.

 

[DefeatedIncel]

Brutal

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

Brutal

The tempting thought for myself right now is I wish I succeeded but knowing what it would do to my mother... I wish I had never attempted now

Losing my father was bad enough for her

 

[nice to NEET you]

brutal punishment for not following the rules of society. Like in that scene in 120 days of sodom movie when nazis offered pistol to slave he thought he finally relieved from slave existence but there was no bullet

 

[SuperKanga.Belgrade]

I'm sorry brother. I wish that things could have been better. Take care, and be kind to yourself. You will always have a home here, and we have your back.

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

brutal punishment for not following the rules of society. Like in that scene in 120 days of sodom movie when nazis offered pistol to slave he thought he finally relieved from slave existence but there was no bullet

Is that movie good, should I watch it or will it make me feel worse

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

I'm sorry brother. I wish that things could have been better. Take care, and be kind to yourself. You will always have a home here, and we have your back.
View attachment 1285781

Thank you, brocel. This is about the only place I can go to talk to anyone anymore.

 

[nice to NEET you]

Is that movie good, should I watch it or will it make me feel worse

it's one of the most unpleasant movies bro. Do not watch it period.

 

[Esoteric7]

Why did the rope fail

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

Why did the rope fail

I genuinely do not know. I have asked multiple times and it makes everyone uncomfortable. I don't remember the attempt very well either. My mum found me, did cpr and called 111.

 

[Esoteric7]

I genuinely do not know. I have asked multiple times and it makes everyone uncomfortable. I don't remember the attempt very well either. My mum found me, did cpr and called 111.

I would've done it somewhere private and away from everyone.

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

I would've done it somewhere private and away from everyone.

My options were shed, bedroom, bathroom, or somewhere off property. I was scared of being caught off property, and I don't have a workplace or anywhere else I go.

I chose shed. My guess is she came home early and knew something was wrong and went there immediately

 

[Esoteric7]

My options were shed, bedroom, bathroom, or somewhere off property. I was scared of being caught off property, and I don't have a workplace or anywhere else I go.

I chose shed. My guess is she came home early and knew something was wrong and went there immediately

Hmm could've done it in a hotel or BnB for the night

 

[faded]

brutal punishment for not following the rules of society. Like in that scene in 120 days of sodom movie when nazis offered pistol to slave he thought he finally relieved from slave existence but there was no bullet

Fuck you piece shit

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

Hmm could've done it in a hotel or BnB for the night

Small town, no air bnbs. Also no job, no money. I'd planned it reasonably well, she wasn't supposed to come home early but she ended up sick that day. I do not know why she immediately thought to look in the shed though. Every time I try to ask her she cries

I wouldn't be surprised if I had done it incorrectly.

 

[Acorn]

Brootal, don't rope

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

Brootal, don't rope

Never again. I will suffer until my natural death

 

[Esoteric7]

Small town, no air bnbs. Also no job, no money. I'd planned it reasonably well, she wasn't supposed to come home early but she ended up sick that day. I do not know why she immediately thought to look in the shed though. Every time I try to ask her she cries

I wouldn't be surprised if I had done it incorrectly.

I did a rope demo and it's difficult to find the sweet spot. But when I found it I started to lose consciousness fast and it felt peaceful. I've seen videos of the body jerking while unconscious when roping to clear blood flow. That's probably why you failed

 

[Acorn]

Never again. I will suffer until my natural death

We shall suffER together then

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

I did a rope demo and it's difficult to find the sweet spot. But when I found it I started to lose consciousness fast and it felt peaceful. I've seen videos of the body jerking while unconscious when roping to clear blood flow. That's probably why you failed

Interesting. I wondered that too. None of the medical staff would tell me either

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

We shall suffER together then

Knowing i am one of many is both sadder and somehow more strengthening.

 

[nice to NEET you]

Never again. I will suffer until my natural death

I see they broke you. Sad.

 

[Corvus The Cuckold]

Hmm could've done it in a hotel or BnB for the night

No wtf. Then some poor hotel maid is gonna see that.

 

[nice to NEET you]

No wtf. Then some poor hotel maid is gonna see that.

wouldnt be your problem, also isnt it great to give some foid ptsd

 

[Corvus The Cuckold]

wouldnt be your problem also fuck foids

That sounds like something a 12 year old would say.

You have to be 18 to post here.

 

[nice to NEET you]

That sounds like something a 12 year old would say.

You have to be 18 to post here.

i edited it. Sometimes I feel urge to post without finishing the thought

 

[SocialOutkast95]

Sorry to hear that it failed. I, too, am planning to off myself with a rope, but I'm doing it deep into the woods, which is how you should've done it. Find a patch of woods and just off yourself there. Why? Because it'll take "them" a long time to notice / find your body, and by the time they DO find it, it would've already been eaten up by wolves and bigfoots. You can't off yourself near or around family / friends, it'll traumatize them more if they see you, better to do it off the grid somewhere else.

Anyways, once again, sorry to hear it failed.

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

I see they broke you. Sad.

My family? Kind of. I broke them. Many such cases I'm sure.

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

Sorry to hear that it failed. I, too, am planning to off myself with a rope, but I'm doing it deep into the woods, which is how you should've done it. Find a patch of woods and just off yourself there. Why? Because it'll take "them" a long time to notice / find your body, and by the time they DO find it, it would've already been eaten up by wolves and bigfoots. You can't off yourself near or around family / friends, it'll traumatize them more if they see you, better to do it off the grid somewhere else.

Anyways, once again, sorry to hear it failed.

That would have been much better. The small town i live in is surrounded by flat plains of farmland, paddocks, and tussocks - typical south island of NZ fare unfortunately. I considered off property heavily but decided against it, I didn't really plan on failing after all.

Part of my mind thought (and maybe still thinks) if they found me fully dead there would have been relief, not just traumatizedness. I see now I was wrong. I have taken years off my mother's life and all she ever did was love me

 

[SocialOutkast95]

That would have been much better. The small town i live in is surrounded by flat plains of farmland, paddocks, and tussocks - typical south island of NZ fare unfortunately. I considered off property heavily but decided against it, I didn't really plan on failing after all.

Part of my mind thought (and maybe still thinks) if they found me fully dead there would have been relief, not just traumatizedness. I see now I was wrong. I have taken years off my mother's life and all she ever did was love me

I read that you are willing to do it again but only after your parents pass? Fortunately for me, both my parents are dead. My father died back when I was 12 and my mother died like 3 years ago now. The rest of my family fuck'd off and ghosted me, so.. technically I can off myself anytime I want and literally nobody would care or notice. Btw, that's probably the best scenario to have. Once you have no one or anything stopping you, it's that much easier... for everyone involved (and not involved). Society hates us and wants us to off ourselves. So.. at the end of the day, we all lose.

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

I read that you are willing to do it again but only after your parents pass? Fortunately for me, both my parents are dead. My father died back when I was 12 and my mother died like 3 years ago now. The rest of my family fuck'd off and ghosted me, so.. technically I can off myself anytime I want and literally nobody would care or notice. Btw, that's probably the best scenario to have. Once you have no one or anything stopping you, it's that much easier... for everyone involved (and not involved). Society hates us and wants us to off ourselves. So.. at the end of the day, we all lose.

Brutal, but true.
Yes, but also my siblings. After our father died i don't think they could handle losing me either and they are still kind to me even if they are bluepilled normies