Venting how you know it's really over

[Tenshi]

When you find yourself thinking about your past and you notice that virtually nothing changed. Your childhood, your teen years, your early adulthood, but it's the same old shit. You always find yourself alone wondering why is it so and what you can do about it. "When I grow up things will get better" they never did.

Year after year and you always find yourself in the same situation. The same dark room. The same plight. You miserably try to make out for the lost years try harding, coping that things can still work out for you despite all the experiences you had telling you otherwise.

You hold on to these infantile ideas that you know deep down will never happen "I'll get surgery", "I'll leave my country", "I'll luck out", "I'll moneymaxx". You won't. You're not special, you're nobody.

Yet, you can't help yourself but keep thinking, in this hellish loop, what if... things were different. You don't want it to be over, you want to keep watching the movie. But you look around and the screen is turned off, there's none but you in the theater. You don't want the movie to end, but it ended a long time ago, you're to only one there.

 

[Caesercel]

I used to cope by telling myself that it will get better when I grow up. Then I grew up

 

[riceronicel]

how did I know?

when I first looked in the mirror and saw what I looked like.

an ugly ricecel.

That's when I knew. It was over. And nothing will ever change.

 

[I want to believe]

what if... things were different

Yeah. But nothing will ever change.

 

[Deleted member 34074]

I was raised by a single mother npc,I never had any kind of hope hahaha

 

[I want to believe]

when I first looked in the mirror and saw what I looked like.

Looking in the mirror is how many of us started realizing what the real things are, I think.

 

[Tenshi]

I used to cope by telling myself that it will get better when I grow up. Then I grew up

truth, same here

how did I know?

when I first looked in the mirror and saw what I looked like.

an ugly ricecel.

That's when I knew. It was over. And nothing will ever change.

Brutal bro, I'm very sorry for what happened to you

I was raised by a single mother npc,I never had any kind of hope hahaha

kekd ngl, I'm sorry

 

[riceronicel]

truth, same here


Brutal bro, I'm very sorry for what happened to you


kekd ngl, I'm sorry

and now im even more ugly than ever before.

I mean I deserve it I guess.

 

[Tenshi]

and now im even more ugly than ever before.

I mean I deserve it I guess.

there's nothing you can do about it?

 

[riceronicel]

there's nothing you can do about it?

I tried offing myself a little less than a year ago and now I look even more of an ogre as a result. If you want to read more it's under my posts.

 

[Babica Yaga]

But maybe I can still luck out at 25 with a prime 17o jb foid like @ReplaceMyJuice brother.

Spoiler

N[UWSL]vm I'm only 170cm[/UWSL]

[UWSL][/UWSL]

 

[trying to ascend]

I'm really going to get surgery and try to travel, but only when i reach 19.

Maybe this way I can ascend, if don't, I will just cope, I forget about foids and dating when my copes are good

 

[Tenshi]

I tried offing myself a little less than a year ago and now I look even more of an ogre as a result. If you want to read more it's under my posts.

Yeah I read it. I mean, there's no surgery you can try to fix it?

 

[Deleted member 33827]

Nothing changed for me. Every Sunday I told myself tomorrow is the day when I start over and turn my life around. I convinced myself that I still have time. Unfortunately that tomorrow never came, I counted Sundays passing by every week and felt time slipping away. Still remember the regret I felt one Sunday evening...I told myself if not from tomorrow then I'll never get to my goals. That was 2 years ago. 104 Sundays have passed since that day and I'm still the same.. I achieved nothing. No progress in life whatsoever. I know it's stupid of me but I just can't do it. I don't have it in me....it wasn't always like that tho I was the best student in middle school. Everything went downhill from there. I never grew past 15. I'm still a kid at heart. Don't know how long I can survive like this. But, the pain of not achieving my dreams will always haunt me for the rest of my life. It makes me sad as I'm typing this but I'll just replace the sadness with emptyness like I've always done.


View: https://youtu.be/Qbip5oZVL94

 

[riceronicel]

Yeah I read it. I mean, there's no surgery you can try to fix it?

surgery is expensive in the USA. I'll go bankrupt if I do. and right now the people from suicide watch won't let me try to off myself a second time to avoid the consequences of bankruptcy so I'm currently kind of stuck.

Make no mistake though. As soon as they are off my back I'm trying a second time, no matter what the cost.

 

[Tenshi]

I'm really going to get surgery and try to travel, but only when i reach 19.

Maybe this way I can ascend, if don't, I will just cope, I forget about foids and dating when my copes are good

I used to tell this myself as well when I was your age, we're way more 'positive', or delusional, if you will, when you're younger

not trying to discourage you, go for it but keep it realistic

 

[trying to ascend]

I used to tell this myself as well when I was your age, we're way more 'positive', or delusional, if you will, when you're younger

not trying to discourage you, go for it but keep it realistic

I get it, but why didn't you get surgery? You didn't have an insure? Your parents discouraged you?

 

[Tenshi]

surgery is expensive in the USA. I'll go bankrupt if I do. and right now the people from suicide watch won't let me try to off myself a second time to avoid the consequences of bankruptcy so I'm currently kind of stuck.

Make no mistake though. As soon as they are off my back I'm trying a second time, no matter what the cost.

Maybe you can apply for insurance, since you actually have a deformity now, in a way. I don't know what to say bro, in your shoes I'd indeed just proceed and end it now if there's no reason, but reconsider it if you think there's a way.

At least try something safer, like an exit bag.

Things will never get better and it's only downhill from here.

Exactly

I'm past the point of "over" yet here I am, coping like the delusional retard I am...

 

[Tenshi]

I get it, but why didn't you get surgery? You didn't have an insure? Your parents discouraged you?

I'm 23 years old bro, there's no point on it. I'll have to wageslave years to even earn the money to get myself a surgery that probably won't do much for me. I'm short, I'm ethnic, I can only go so far. I'll be what? 30? My looks will have degraded even more by that time.

Also, I'm too far gone to get what I want, all women my age are used, chadstrucked roasties. They won't love me. I can't go abroad either, I don't have the money neither the motivation knowing that things may be even worse as I'll be considered even uglier elsewhere. I also have my parents to take care of, it never really began for me to be quite honest.

 

[trying to ascend]

I'm 23 years old bro, there's no point on it. I'll have to wageslave years to even earn the money to get myself a surgery that probably won't do much for me. I'm short, I'm ethnic, I can only go so far. I'll be what? 30? My looks will have degraded even more by that time.

Also, I'm too far gone to get what I want, all women my age are used, chadstrucked roasties. They won't love me. I can't go abroad either, I don't have the money neither the motivation knowing that things may be even worse as I'll be considered even uglier elsewhere. I also have my parents to take care of, it never really began for me to be quite honest.

I don't think you should feel that hopeless, 23 isn't old, and you have done things that make me feel that you still have some hope.

Btw, you know yourself better than everyone else, so you should just follow what you think its better for you

 

[Tenshi]

Nothing changed for me. Every Sunday I told myself tomorrow is the day when I start over and turn my life around. I convinced myself that I still have time. Unfortunately that tomorrow never came, I counted Sundays passing by every week and felt time slipping away. Still remember the regret I felt one Sunday evening...I told myself if not from tomorrow then I'll never get to my goals. That was 2 years ago. 104 Sundays have passed since that day and I'm still the same.. I achieved nothing. No progress in life whatsoever. I know it's stupid of me but I just can't do it. I don't have it in me....it wasn't always like that tho I was the best student in middle school. Everything went downhill from there. I never grew past 15. I'm still a kid at heart. Don't know how long I can survive like this. But, the pain of not achieving my dreams will always haunt me for the rest of my life. It makes me sad as I'm typing this but I'll just replace the sadness with emptyness like I've always done.

Damn, that's so relatable.

I'm always having these thoughts of "tomorrow I'll change things", have been doing so for quite a while as well, perhaps since I was a teen. I can't even get myself out of the bad sometimes JFL. Also have been pretty much stucked for 2 years like you, no motivation, I abandoned my hobbies and copes, I'm just on auto mode now. Just enough effort on things to get by and that's it. Sometimes I try exercising but I drop eventually, too consuming.

I just don't have the same kind of strength or energy I used to have when I was younger. Life does that to us. Everything seems so tiresome. So I kinda get you on that, I feel the exact same way on being a kid at heart. I guess that's what we have a hard time understanding when we're younger, things don't get better with time, it's the opposite.

But, the pain of not achieving my dreams will always haunt me for the rest of my life. It makes me sad as I'm typing this but I'll just replace the sadness with emptyness like I've always done.

You described perfectly the feeling. I feel you on that, more than I wish I could...

I'm actively planning my suicide and the goodbye in case i ever decide to grow the balls to do it. It was already over at the moment you were born but you didn't realize it. If you realized it was over early then you'd be in a much better position mentally. you'd be able to accept it and move on.

I'm thinking about doing it in the future once my parents are gone, it's not like I'll have anything to do alive past that point anyways. I don't know if I will though, I'm too much of a spineless pussy. But I think I'll be so tired of life by that time that I may just do it to end the boredom.

But yeah bro, that's why I think actual truecels may have an advantage, they already know from day 1 it never began. You know what? I wish I never had all those dubious experiences I had that keep bringing bits of hope within myself.

 

[Tenshi]

I hate those tiny things like that keep me going, like when it seems hopeless then you remember the time someone complimented you it's like you start looking back at the past with rose tinted glasses. honestly i like my memories of the past then i do thinking of the future.

Yeah bro, exactly. It's almost like god is clowning us. I hate false hope.

I don't think you should feel that hopeless, 23 isn't old, and you have done things that make me feel that you still have some hope.

Btw, you know yourself better than everyone else, so you should just follow what you think its better for you

It's not "old old", but old enough nevertheless... Old to achieve the things I want.

 

[Deleted member 33893]

Nothing has changed for me in the past 13 years. If you don't count in the increased despair that I feel.

Sometimes I pace around the house or go for walks where I brainstorm for hours at a time trying to find a solution to this mess yet I never find any answers.
Honestly I would be better off dead. I have nothing to look foward to in life and I am just going to have to wageslave for nothing. Just so I can survive and live another day in this hell hole.

If I was religious I would think that this is hell.

 

[Tenshi]

Nothing has changed for me in the past 13 years. If you don't count in the increased despair that I feel.

Sometimes I pace around the house or go for walks where I brainstorm for hours at a time trying to find a solution to this mess yet I never find any answers.
Honestly I would be better off dead. I have nothing to look foward to in life and I am just going to have to wageslave for nothing. Just so I can survive and live another day in this hell hole.

If I was religious I would think that this is hell.

I feel the same way brocel. Perhaps thats why I find wageslaving so damn consuming. It should be, I have no motivation at all, no purpose. I'm just wasting my time for nothing.

 

[BITG]

I used to cope by telling myself that it will get better when I grow up. Then I grew up

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

[Izayacel]

We are Not the top of the Pack and We are self aware enough that wageslaving is one Huge dead end.

Survival instinct or the Fear what Comes after death combined with some slices of Hope keeps US Here.

Its fucking retarded.

 

[_realist_]

Trying hard only for the status quo to remain.

 

[Blackpincel]

@trying to ascend Like I mentioned to @Tenshi in private, sometimes things are so "Over" that a single surgery won't be enough fix it. I had a surgery for a massive failo I had but I still went from like 3~4/10 to 4.5/10 (and the failo is still kinda there). So you have to keep in mind the possibility that you'll need multiple surgeries, hardly a single surgery will make you magically ascend hard otherwise you'd just likely be a low tier normie with a single failo and not be posting here.

After the surgery I'm now a believer that in order to be considered a Truecel, you have to be a guy with multiple failos.

 

[riceronicel]

Maybe you can apply for insurance, since you actually have a deformity now, in a way. I don't know what to say bro, in your shoes I'd indeed just proceed and end it now if there's no reason, but reconsider it if you think there's a way.

At least try something safer, like an exit bag.

I do have disability insurance, but I'm not 100% covered. Medicaid (health insurance for poor people) only covers around 60% of my medical costs. Not even plastic surgery for my jaw will be 100% covered either, mainly because it was a self-inflicted wound. As a result I can't get any type of surgery.

I can't end it right now because suicide watch and others are currently watching my moves almost 24/7. I can't just run away or else they will follow me, restrain me, and put me right back in the hospital.

 

[investigatorcel]

bro im virgin at 22
for me it's never begun

 

[ReplaceMyJuice]

You don't want it to be over, you want to keep watching the movie. But you look around and the screen is turned off, there's none but you in the theater. You don't want the movie to end, but it ended a long time ago, you're to only one there.

Brutal and well said

It's really over for theatercels

 

[Deleted member 33560]

Brutal high iq thread. This should be stickied instead of the crap that is stickied right now

 

[Loner94]

how did I know?

when I first looked in the mirror and saw what I looked like.

an ugly ricecel.

That's when I knew. It was over. And nothing will ever change.

Same but reality hits you very quickly when you get that negative feedback loop from a young age.

 

[ergophobic]

"how you know it's really over" when you realize you are not the protagonist of your story..​

 

[riceronicel]

Same but reality hits you very quickly when you get that negative feedback loop from a young age.

I got it as long as I could remember. All my mother told me was that I was ugly and I had my dad's face and shit. She wished I was a white child with blue eyes and white features.

I hate my fucking life.