On myself;
Being unable to experience love or genuine, mutually-enjoyable sex with a woman is a living hell of its own.
I can't drop the feeling of inferiority that permeates my whole existence. It's like a constant, undending stream of pain that makes everything I do lose meaning and color. Everything I do is seen through the lens of my inferiority, because my mind cannot comprehend, or accept, my situation, and never will, because involuntary celibacy is not a natural state for a thinking, living human being capable of expressing higher emotional states. I cannot just accept. I cannot. I tried and I cannot.
Everything I do reminds me that I'm a fucking subhuman. Genetic dead-end. Nothing I'll ever do will amount to anything. While I rot/work/sleep/whatever, Chad plowing & dumping all my childhood crushes. Or has already done so. Stacies are partying. Drinking themselves until they pass out. I'm not allowed to infringe on their 'reality'. I'm expected to hole myself up in my room and slowly succumb to insanity, suicide or mental degradation so vile that I go catatonic. I cannot exist like this anymore. I don't wish anyone to ever suffer from being involuntary celibate. It's worse than hell.
I can't even be comfortable with my inferiority. That's the worst part. You can't just be comfortable with being an incel. You will never come to peace with it.
I never will. Everything I do reminds me that I'm an inferior being. It's like being a leper. Like being an Untouchable in the Indian caste system. Except Untouchables could at least breed among themselves... I cannot just accept that I'm a subhuman. I tried to and I couldn't. My heart keeps screaming and palpitating. My mind keeps working against me because this is not a natural state for a human being to exist in, and my mind knows it. It tries to shield me from this fate, not understanding that it's impossible ot change anything. I'd gladly work at thousand years and believe a thousand bluepillist lies if they could somehow give me what I want the most in this miserable, lonely life: Love and affection of a woman.
BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN, BECAUSE I'M UGLY. BLUEPILL IS A LIE.
AND A LIE WILL REMAIN A LIE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU REPEAT IT.
On the disability;
All life needs a goal. All life needs some common goal to strive toward. It is something so obvious that it doesn't need any explanation. But what if I tell you that the only 'biological' goal has been torn away from you? You are not a creature capable of reproducing anymore.
Your darwinian struggle will only end in your death.
I've been forced to reshape my already malformed, socially underdeveloped brain to accept that I'm basically the victim of the most insidious disability a human being can attain; ugliness. It's the most mentally destructive and opressive form of mental and physical torture you can inflict on a person.
The most insidious and destructive disease you can have.
IT IS MEANINGLESS - You suffer for little to no reason. The cause of your suffering was completely out of your reach; (your genetics).
You've been born into suffering.
IT IS UNENDING - Your suffering is incredible and it never ends. Human beings are not supposed to live alone. It is the highest form of torture; depriving one of their contact with others. Human beings are not supposed to go for years on end without any sort of love or affectio, any acknowledgement that they are a person.
This kills a human being. It literally dissolves your brain and self.
IT IS INSULTING - You are expected to be a dutiful worker bee who fuels the same system that causes your suffering. Stepping out of the line in any way, shape or form is completely unacceptable. You are the fuel for the very system that has created you.
You are supposed to uphold the very system that causes you to suffer.
But the worst is at the end... because...
...YOU MUST ENDURE IT IN SILENCE - Like a dog. Like a wild animal. With no tongue to speak of your abuse. With no privilege to speak of it, as that, too, has been taken away from you. You are not allowed to speak. You cannot even experience the mental relief of venting about your problems - at least not terrible consequences; social ostracization, abuse, hatred or worse. Not without being seen as someone who must be silenced. And if you find the right person, who will not judge you, or bash your feelings and carve into your brain like the pulp of a sweet fruit... Their life is incomparable to yours. They cannot relate to you, because they do not understand your suffering. They will never, EVER, acknowledge your pain. All your problems will be always swept aside. Ignored. Treated like they aren't worthy of anybody's concern. But you're still there; in your empty, miserable hole in the world. Sitting and doing nothing, counting the days away.
And you are expected to work. Work, work, work, wagie, work intil you die.
Being unable to experience love or genuine, mutually-enjoyable sex with a woman is a living hell of its own.
I can't drop the feeling of inferiority that permeates my whole existence. It's like a constant, undending stream of pain that makes everything I do lose meaning and color. Everything I do is seen through the lens of my inferiority, because my mind cannot comprehend, or accept, my situation, and never will, because involuntary celibacy is not a natural state for a thinking, living human being capable of expressing higher emotional states. I cannot just accept. I cannot. I tried and I cannot.
Everything I do reminds me that I'm a fucking subhuman. Genetic dead-end. Nothing I'll ever do will amount to anything. While I rot/work/sleep/whatever, Chad plowing & dumping all my childhood crushes. Or has already done so. Stacies are partying. Drinking themselves until they pass out. I'm not allowed to infringe on their 'reality'. I'm expected to hole myself up in my room and slowly succumb to insanity, suicide or mental degradation so vile that I go catatonic. I cannot exist like this anymore. I don't wish anyone to ever suffer from being involuntary celibate. It's worse than hell.
I can't even be comfortable with my inferiority. That's the worst part. You can't just be comfortable with being an incel. You will never come to peace with it.
I never will. Everything I do reminds me that I'm an inferior being. It's like being a leper. Like being an Untouchable in the Indian caste system. Except Untouchables could at least breed among themselves... I cannot just accept that I'm a subhuman. I tried to and I couldn't. My heart keeps screaming and palpitating. My mind keeps working against me because this is not a natural state for a human being to exist in, and my mind knows it. It tries to shield me from this fate, not understanding that it's impossible ot change anything. I'd gladly work at thousand years and believe a thousand bluepillist lies if they could somehow give me what I want the most in this miserable, lonely life: Love and affection of a woman.
BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN, BECAUSE I'M UGLY. BLUEPILL IS A LIE.
AND A LIE WILL REMAIN A LIE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU REPEAT IT.
On the disability;
All life needs a goal. All life needs some common goal to strive toward. It is something so obvious that it doesn't need any explanation. But what if I tell you that the only 'biological' goal has been torn away from you? You are not a creature capable of reproducing anymore.
Your darwinian struggle will only end in your death.
I've been forced to reshape my already malformed, socially underdeveloped brain to accept that I'm basically the victim of the most insidious disability a human being can attain; ugliness. It's the most mentally destructive and opressive form of mental and physical torture you can inflict on a person.
The most insidious and destructive disease you can have.
IT IS MEANINGLESS - You suffer for little to no reason. The cause of your suffering was completely out of your reach; (your genetics).
You've been born into suffering.
IT IS UNENDING - Your suffering is incredible and it never ends. Human beings are not supposed to live alone. It is the highest form of torture; depriving one of their contact with others. Human beings are not supposed to go for years on end without any sort of love or affectio, any acknowledgement that they are a person.
This kills a human being. It literally dissolves your brain and self.
IT IS INSULTING - You are expected to be a dutiful worker bee who fuels the same system that causes your suffering. Stepping out of the line in any way, shape or form is completely unacceptable. You are the fuel for the very system that has created you.
You are supposed to uphold the very system that causes you to suffer.
But the worst is at the end... because...
...YOU MUST ENDURE IT IN SILENCE - Like a dog. Like a wild animal. With no tongue to speak of your abuse. With no privilege to speak of it, as that, too, has been taken away from you. You are not allowed to speak. You cannot even experience the mental relief of venting about your problems - at least not terrible consequences; social ostracization, abuse, hatred or worse. Not without being seen as someone who must be silenced. And if you find the right person, who will not judge you, or bash your feelings and carve into your brain like the pulp of a sweet fruit... Their life is incomparable to yours. They cannot relate to you, because they do not understand your suffering. They will never, EVER, acknowledge your pain. All your problems will be always swept aside. Ignored. Treated like they aren't worthy of anybody's concern. But you're still there; in your empty, miserable hole in the world. Sitting and doing nothing, counting the days away.
And you are expected to work. Work, work, work, wagie, work intil you die.
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