I watched a doc about a guy who went on a murder spree after he got cancer the other day. He was an old incel/MRA lawyer who raged against female privilege in society. He killed another MRA lawyer who he felt was stepping on his territory (a lawyer who actually had some success in the mens right arena) and tried to kill a female Judge but instead killed her son and shot her husband. He pretended to be a deliveryman and shot them when they opened the door. He had a long list of people he wanted to kill but stopped after those two and killed himself.
Roy Den Hollander - Wikipedia
it's over for timestampcels
"Wasted" feels like an ill-defined, hollow term. If you were banging some hot JB every week, if you were loved and accepted, if you had skipped out on all the time spend alone and miserable and avoided realizing all the unbearable truths about human nature and the world at large, would you care to ask the question "was my life wasted"? So, is "wasted" just another way to say unenjoyable and unsuccessful?
At some point in the future whomever is alive then might slow down their own subjective persception as part of some simulation as the temperature of the universe falls further towards its destined endpoint slightly above absolute zero and the beings alive at that time might experience absurdly large amounts of subjective time in a objectively short time span. If whom or whatever exists at that point in time would look back at our time, the lifes we live now might seem roughly as horrifyingly cruel and pitiable as the lifes of cavemen. From their perspective, just by the fact that our brain hasn't been redesigned from the ground up for optimal user experience we are basically defective and doomed to carry hell within our own heads.
You feel bad because your life is miserable compared to the lifes of other people around you or compared to the life you might have imagined and still be imagining for yourself, but maybe if you could see just a few centuries into the future you would stop caring at all about the here and now because what you would see the people of the future indulge in might make the difference between your life and chad's life seem miniscule. And from that moment onward the life of every person living today would seem wasted compared to what could be. Add to that that if humanity survives and colonizes the stars, there will be more people alive on a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of... a fraction of colonized planets than have lived up to this point throughout the totality of human history and it will suddenly seem absurdly unlucky and unfair that you should have been born into the current year into a society like ours.
We didn't waste anything, we just got unlucky .
At some point in the future whomever is alive then might slow down their own subjective persception as part of some simulation as the temperature of the universe falls further towards its destined endpoint slightly above absolute zero and the beings alive at that time might experience absurdly large amounts of subjective time in a objectively short time span. If whom or whatever exists at that point in time would look back at our time, the lifes we live now might seem roughly as horrifyingly cruel and pitiable as the lifes of cavemen. From their perspective, just by the fact that our brain hasn't been redesigned from the ground up for optimal user experience we are basically defective and doomed to carry hell within our own heads.
You feel bad because your life is miserable compared to the lifes of other people around you or compared to the life you might have imagined and still be imagining for yourself, but maybe if you could see just a few centuries into the future you would stop caring at all about the here and now because what you would see the people of the future indulge in might make the difference between your life and chad's life seem miniscule. And from that moment onward the life of every person living today would seem wasted compared to what could be. Add to that that if humanity survives and colonizes the stars, there will be more people alive on a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of... a fraction of colonized planets than have lived up to this point throughout the totality of human history and it will suddenly seem absurdly unlucky and unfair that you should have been born into the current year into a society like ours.
We didn't waste anything, we just got unlucky .
The entire book is my life except for the parts with that girl
Yes.
Cope.
I'll be dead in a century so I don't and won't care. Human beings are solipsistic by nature. Our own personal experiences matter more than space and time and God. All I've wanted since I can remember (literally since Year 3) was to have a girlfriend and experiences with girls. I've been obsessed with girls 8 years old. Both romantically and sexually. I was obsessed with girls even before my sex drive kicked in. On top of that, I had so much potential, which I did nothing whatsoever with. I was highly intelligent, had a great family, my Mum ensured I went to good schools, I had good friends pre-puberty, I was witty and could have got good at anything I put effort into. But I'm extraordinarily lazy, cowardly and now I'm nearing 40 having accomplished less than nothing with my life kek.
I don't care that all this is insignificant on a grand scale. I don't care if aliens invaded and I singlehandedly fought them off, preserving humanity forever. It would mean nothing to me. As I've wasted my youth completely and missed out on the best experiences a person can have.
I never read it. I was into existential authors when I was younger but too lazy to read much. I read some Dostoyevsky and Kafka. Notes From Underground is relatable.
I hate that response so much. Not only does it not engage in any way with what is being said, it also ignores how ultimately the motive behind your thinking can't determine whether you reasoned correctly or not.
Speak for yourself. I desire to drag the life I could have had from the cold, dead hands of the not-yet-born people I will never share a universe with. By realizing that they might exist in the future they have become part of my personal little world of perception.
Obviously the subjective experience is paramount, but your personal experience could have been infinitely better in ways not captured by regret and lonlyness and sadness relating to any personal failure.
And you are obviously wrong, if you fought off an alien invasion single-handedly you would end up experiencing a flood of honest affection, one way or another. Your own will loses out against simple lazyness, you think your depression-fueld fatalism would stand a chance against that kind of outside influence? You think it would be any more in your control to stay miserable by your own choice than staying disciplined was?
It sounds interesting how you got obsessed with girls so early on. I had a especially strong sex-drive combined with a very intense need for validation and affection and both combined to make my completle love-depravation especially torturous. So I guess I can relate to that part.
My own parents were dumb as dirt boomers who barely cared to even try to control where my life took me, but I would guess I'm also amongst the top underperformers relative to my IQ.
Not quite as old, but there is a solid chance I will one day be in the exact same position as you are today, even though I obviously hope that I will find some way out of this hellish trap of a life before that.
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Cope
I am
This doesn't mean anything
Nor does this
Affection means nothing at this point in my life.
My sex drive kicked in very early but I know precisely when it did. In Year 3 I was obsessed with a girl but in an asexual way. Then in Year 4 I discovered masturbation and my obsessions with girls became sexual. I can remember specifically the first girl I fapped to. I think it's 100% natural for males to be obsessed with girls.
You seem smart, although you also seem to be engaging in immature, teen level romanticism and addled, postmodernist-type thinking and writing. If you can rationalise away your failure of a life, good luck to you. I envy you.
The agepill destroys you. I'd murder my parents just to start again from 30.
The people I predict will live one day are far more enviable than the people who I live around or the man I could have been. There, that's what it meant. After hearing convincing arguments for why the future of humanity will either be no future, absurd torture or heaven on earth, I feel envious of anyone who gets to experience that third possibility.
You are miserable imaging what your life should have been like, but you should also be miserable about what your life could have been like, were you born just a bit later in history.
If I could proof to you right now that anyone born 200 years from now will get to live till the end of the universe in a simulation perfected to suit there personal needs and be entertained by a stream of content procedurally generated for them by an AI, would you not start to envy those people, at least a little?
Your imagined version of yourself, the version who doesn't fail at life, or an incel's idea of what life as chad would be like are both about as real as this prediction. There is some difference in how certain we can be about these, but there is also an absurd amount of emotional distortion on any topic this laden with envy and bitterness and desire. And without wanting to sound condecending, I do think that most people on here are not very good or interested in keeping a reasonable frame of mind, so I don't accept that my somewhat uncertain prediction is much worse a reason to feel envious than your depression-soaked imaginations about what could have been.
Easy to say. But do you really mean to tell me that seeing your name on statues and reading it in textbooks, everyone you have ever known and most people in the world thinking you a hero and looking up to you, and you finding some girl who will at least try to love and adore you, none of this would make a difference because you didn't get laid early enough? The savior of the world would be too high status a position to remain unfuckable, w/e your looks or personality might be.
I can understand being overwhlemed by misery and bitterness thinking of what we missed out on earlier in life, but there is a reasonable limit. You didn't get what you wanted most, but there are still other things you want, even if you want them less.
Similar for me, I started becoming aware of my sexuality in the second year of school.
Attraction to girls seems common and wide-spread amongst men, though I'm not certain if you wanted to say that it was normal for boys to obsess with girls their age, or that it was natural for men to be interested in girls below the AoC. Either way, I'm way beyond judgment and have no interest in moralistic pretense.
I don't think I am rationalising anything. I feel a maddening amount of sadness and anger and despair at the state of my life. And also even more anger at likely missing out on what the future of humanity looks like.
I am a romantic, and my writing might be pretentious at times, but I enjoy it that way. If you want to critizise something, make a concrete claim as to what I got wrong, don't go around name-calling like that. I have never percieved this kind of 'analysis' of myself as anything other than social aggression. Who cares what categories my ideas fall into, are the right or are they wrong? The rest doesn't really matter.
I would murder my parents (in minecraft) just to murder my parents (in minecraft), if I would be able to get away with it (in minecraft). I don't think there is anything I can offer to someone with regrets the size of yours to sooth the pain a bit. In person maybe, but online it's all just empty wordshells.
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Why do you care about the future? You'll be dead. You won't experience it. And it certainly won't be heaven on Earth.
Not really. A simulation isn't reality. I maladaptive daydream most of the time and can basically do that now. And my mind is trapped in the time period of 20 years ago, when I had opportunity and could have lived my dreams, but was too much of a coward to do so.
Tbh in my case, this isn't true. But I can't expand on it without being banned.
I hate myself too much for it to matter now. I've gained loads of weight, destroyed my body, got old and don't even recognise myself. I'm repulsed by what I see in the mirror, repulsed by my own disgusting body, every square inch of it. The sagging skin, the visible veins, the huge stretch marks, the cellulite. I haven't just wasted my life, I've actively destroyed it. The agepill is brutal enough, but when you spend decades being self-destructive, it's untenable.
There isn't really anything else I want though, beyond the basics. Beyond my family being healthy, not having to work and having all the comforts of modern life. Like I said, all I've wanted since I can remember being alive is a girlfriend, girls to be attracted to me, affection, sex etc. There's nothing else worth having in this world. And I'm not exaggerating, I've spent half my life either fantasising about something to do with a girl, either having sex with her, holding her, talking to her, and so on.
What age did you start fapping though? I started quite disturbingly young, at age 9. Full on masturbation.
I'm not interested in girls below the ago of consent.
I used to write like that when I was young and idealistic. It just seems retarded now.
I wish I could be as philosophical as you. Sometimes I am. But I'm also a contrarian to a fault, largely due to living online for 20 years kek. But, at the same time, wait a few years. You'll likely be as cynical as me in 5-10 years.
It very much might be exactly that. No vague vibe-based reasoning or linear extrapolation based on human history is gonna give you any reliable insights into what our future will look like. We used to light our homes with candles at night less than 200 years ago. we walked on the moon a bit more than 100 years later. Dating apps drove the dating market to new extremes in inequality and entered the picture 10 years ago. If you want to predict what is coming, you need to first think about what technology will end up looking. What do we know is possible, what can we reason should prove to be possible with a high likelyhood, etc. And when you do that, you come to realize that some extreme scenario is almost inevitable. The one thing that really seems impossibly unlikely is for things to just keep going as they are for even just another century.
To quote from one of my first threads on here:
There is no difference between what you percieve now everyday and a simulation in which the signals your brain interprets were send by a brain-interface while your brain sits in some bottle and gets its input from some program. Your daydreams are shit compared to a real simulation so perfect it is not indistinguishable from reality, but better than reality ever could be. In your daydreams you can't actually have sex in a young body and really feel it, touch, smell, the heat of another persons body and the pressure of her touch. In a simulation you would. And if it's a shared simulation, that person might feel you as well. It would feel no meaningfully less real than your life now in any way. Except that, because it's a simulation, you could randomly summon a whole harem controlled by AI whenever you wanted, summon any item you want from nothing, fly through the air, just directly wire-head yourself and feel what it's like when every area connected to sensations of pleasure it's artificially stimulated at once.
And you're wrong if you think a simulation isn't real. You think it's magic? Exists in your imagination? The tech enabling the simulation is real, the code and the hardware the simulation runs on is a real part of physical reality, the other people sharing in said simulation would be real, the signals your brain recieves that tell it what to feel right now would be real. It's in no meaningful way less real than what you experience right now every day. Not for nothing is there an undisprovable theory that we are all already living in some simulation. It's a shit theory, there is no good reason for believing so, though there are some general probabilistic arguments.
In short, "in the future there will be billion times more people than we have now, as humanity spreads across the stars. If we end up creating some simulations in the future, we have billions of years till the universe becomes truly uninhabitable. Just in the milkyway, not even the entire universe, we have room for a conservatively estimated number of 20 billion rocky planets x 10 billion people per planet, you land at 2 sextillion people. Once you multiply that with an estimate for how long the universe might remain habitable, it looks absurdly more likely for any one person be born into a future simulation including a version of the current year than into the real current year".
I think that logic is fundamentally broken, but the point is "a high quality simulation will be indistinguishable from your everyday life, will exist (in a sense) in physical reality and can include other people, the interaction with whom will give the things simulated real meaning in the eyes of social apes like us".
Your daydreams do not compare.
Sounds hopeless and terrible beyond believe. Though without knowing the exact details (and having more medical expertise than I have) I can't judge for certain how much of that is reversible through surgeries, medication and changes in life style. Which obviously would still ignore how to bootstrap a new life from a position of misery and regret over opportunities long past.
There might sooner or later be some in the form of sexbots or advancements in surgeries enabling you to fix some of your physical issues. Your family sounds wealthy enough to maybe afford some of those as well.
I'm not sure about an exact age, but I was sexually "active" in some sense before reaching puberty.
I am very cynical, if you can believe that. When I see a person helping someone else, my first thoughts are about how that is either an animal mindlessly following an instinct or an animal trying to climb the social hierachy by amassing status. Most likely both, a status-hungry ape following an instinct evolved to improve its own position in the tribe or secure future cooperation without realizing what it's doing or why. The third option would be about a deep need to feel better than others -> trying to create some meassurable, undeniable basis for claims of moral superiority.
But depression and misery aren't enough to predict the future of humanity from. Or anything, really. The universe is indifferend, and that applies in both direction. It doesn't care if billions suffer in hell, it wouldn't care if we solved all our issues and lived in heaven till the end of times.
It sounds to me like a big part of what is holding you down is the awareness that what you really want has already passed, the shame and hopelessness that comes from knowing that the train has already left the station and you won't get another chance. I don't know how, but I would wish for you that you find a way to abandon the imagination of what could have been and try to optimize what is left of your life shame- and guiltlessly. If that just means earning a bit of cash and combining hookers, drugs and entertainment into a reasonably pleasent stream of conciousness, then so be it. Who knows, you might find a little fraction of what you wanted in the first place coincidentally along that journey.
Also, the reason my writing is the way it is has probably a lot to do with this not being my first language. I don't sound the same in German. I'm a lot more percise, but in English I struggle to express myself with few words, because I rarely have the exact terms needed at hand.
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