K
When I was growing up, I never would have thought that I would end up in my mid-twenties miserable, depressed, and alone, on a forum for other male sexless outcasts of society like myself. It’s not the future that I envisioned, but the one that ultimately became my unfortunate reality.
I wasn’t unattractive as a child at all; blonde, blue eyed, pale skinned, I’d even argue that I was fairly attractive when I was younger. Indeed I still posess these traits into adulthood, although my hair is much more of a dark/dirty blonde now. I was a little on the smaller side but hardly much shorter than average that I thought it would become an issue later in life. Technically, it hasn’t. I‘m fine physically (thank the Gods) and capable just like anyone else, although I am still below average in height (I’m 5’8, never did get that growth spurt). It was never an issue for me as a youth and I only became “conscious“ about my height when I hit adulthood and discovered the word “manlet“ and women’s unfortunate views on short men. One problem that I did have wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult: Autism. High functioning, but still autistic enough that they picked up on it when I was a child. I was “different” to the other kids in my own way, but I actually liked it. I liked being me at one point. I enjoyed my life for the most part. I played sports, made friends despite my introversion - I was even popular to some degree. I enjoyed games such as chess, and became the chess champion of my school. But as I got older, things just slowly began to change and get worse.
I entered secondary school and struggled to make friends this time. This wasn’t the time I was a nursury child who played with the other children and made friends swiftly. I needed social skills, and ways to hold a conversation. And I didn’t have them, or at least they weren’t as good as I originally thought they were. Small talk never interested me. And talking to girls was like talking to another species. They were rude, arrogant, bitchy, lusting after pretty boys. In the 5 years that I spent at my school, I never truly settled in. My attendance was atrocious because I hated going in and interacting/being around people I didn’t like or want to be around. I was bullied to a minor degree, and girls made it pretty clear that they weren’t interested in me. This is when I started to worry about my looks. I wasn’t attracting any girls with my social skills so looks would have to seize the day, which they didn’t. No girls showed me interest, especially the ones I was physically attracted to. Some of my friends were successful in getting girls. I had a friend who had about 5 relationships throughout his 5 years in school, all of the girls were the highest quality and most attractive in our year group, another had 2, others had 1, whereas I never had a girlfriend. I always denied that it was because I was ugly, and just put it down to me being quiet. One girl teased me saying I “looked angry all the time” and laughed with her friends about me. Others would talk behind my back, making jokes to which my “friends” would say ”don’t say that” while laughing along like hens.
It was here that I ”discovered” the blackpill, although I never called it that at the time. In school, it was just reality. It was almost like a caste system was in place. The ugly guys would hang out with each other at the bottom, the average-high tier normies in the middle, and the Chads in a third group at the top of the hierarchy. Fortunately I was in the second group, although it took two years for me to enter this group as I only started regularly attending school two years after I started. High tier normies and Chads got all the girls, the nerds got squat. That’s just how it was. Everyone wanted to be the popular guy: Chad, with the girls flocking to him. Girls would often come over to our group and talk to the more popular, social boys, never me though. One girl would even act as if I was completely invisible while I was talking to another one of my friends, and she’d start talking to him, completely ignoring my presence. Some girls would throw parties. I was never invited. My friends were though. Theres a lot more I could say, but it would be too long for this thread. Needless to say, I became apathetic, miserable, and started to not give a shit about my education. I didn’t see the point in getting a good education to work a job you didn’t want to work to begin with. I compared it to slavery. I just wanted to finish school and stay at home away from people. I truly had become a misanthrope.
By the time I reached the end of my schooling years, I was depressed, lonely, fed up, and desperately desired a relationship. My sex drive was kicking into gear, and I was watching porn to cope with the fact that no girl liked me or showed me any sort of empathy or attraction. It got even worse in my 16-18 year college when I went to a college that I never wanted to go to in the first place. I had to stay in education until I was 18 and at this stage, I hated everything about education. I was planning on quitting after the conclusion of my schooling years but the law changed so I was forced to continue on. College was just as bad, if not worse than school. Here, I was bullied for being a virgin. I was mocked and called ugly by Chads, several of whom went on to successful universities and careers and had very active sexual lives and were in and out of relationships with different, attractive girls (I thought bullies always got their comeuppance?) They would often attend parties and go to nightclubs on weekends as they passed for 18 year olds. I would then hear about their “sexual conquests” in class, about how they fingered this girl, or had a one night stand with that girl etc. There was even an ethnic girl who found it very amusing that some of the Chads in my class ridiculed me. They would ask her sexual questions which she clearly enjoyed, and they would flirt with her, which she was positively receptive of. I later learned that she had a threesome with two of the Chads that were bullying me. I guess a young lad being mocked into tears is attractive to some girls. There were pretty girls everywhere, they often had partners who were almost always attractive, whereas I would walk through the halls of the college, alone, with no female companionship. Friends of mine were flirted with in college by some of the girls, and once again, I was Mr Invisible. Like I was wearing some Harry Potter invisibility cloak or some shit. Girls would always only interact with me if they had to for class. I never spoke to girls, and some guys picked up on this, asking me if I was gay or something and why I didn’t speak to them. After college, I was so utterly despondent about life that I just locked my self away. My home life deteriorated which made things even worse for me, and I was pestered to get a job.
During my time at home I would watch misanthropic videos, contemplate suicide, and browse 4chan. It was from there that I discovered the incel community, and well, here I am.
I don’t enjoy my life anymore. For the last six years, I have done absolutely nothing with my futile existence. I just sleep, play video games, watch YouTube videos, watch porn, and browse forums. I sit indoors every day for months on end unless I’m forced to leave the house for a medical appointment and such. I don’t bother getting dressed anymore, not like I’m going anywhere. I neglect grooming routines occasionally such as brushing my teeth. I’m on medication for my autism which has hindered my social life substantially, and am a NEET. I wish I had it in me to say enough is enough and commit suicide but I’m too much of a coward to do it. I guess that’s genetic too. Everything bad is. I don’t care if I end up in Hell anymore. I have abandoned my old Christian faith for Paganism. God never helped me, and he doesn’t help me now. All of my Pagan ancestors are probably in Hell, if the Christian faith is the true faith, and I’d rather feast with them in the halls of Satan than go to heaven for five minutes and spend my time in there with wealthy Chads and Stacies who have received nothing but positive reinforcement their entire lives, and have never lived on the breadline or had awful experiences that cause them to sin and doubt. I’m a complete recluse and vitamin D deficient due to lack of sunlight. Sunlight is for the Chads, not the ugly incel losers with no future like me. Maybe I’ll start writing a blog and recording my miserable existence for my family when I do off myself.
I used to be happy once.
I wasn’t unattractive as a child at all; blonde, blue eyed, pale skinned, I’d even argue that I was fairly attractive when I was younger. Indeed I still posess these traits into adulthood, although my hair is much more of a dark/dirty blonde now. I was a little on the smaller side but hardly much shorter than average that I thought it would become an issue later in life. Technically, it hasn’t. I‘m fine physically (thank the Gods) and capable just like anyone else, although I am still below average in height (I’m 5’8, never did get that growth spurt). It was never an issue for me as a youth and I only became “conscious“ about my height when I hit adulthood and discovered the word “manlet“ and women’s unfortunate views on short men. One problem that I did have wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult: Autism. High functioning, but still autistic enough that they picked up on it when I was a child. I was “different” to the other kids in my own way, but I actually liked it. I liked being me at one point. I enjoyed my life for the most part. I played sports, made friends despite my introversion - I was even popular to some degree. I enjoyed games such as chess, and became the chess champion of my school. But as I got older, things just slowly began to change and get worse.
I entered secondary school and struggled to make friends this time. This wasn’t the time I was a nursury child who played with the other children and made friends swiftly. I needed social skills, and ways to hold a conversation. And I didn’t have them, or at least they weren’t as good as I originally thought they were. Small talk never interested me. And talking to girls was like talking to another species. They were rude, arrogant, bitchy, lusting after pretty boys. In the 5 years that I spent at my school, I never truly settled in. My attendance was atrocious because I hated going in and interacting/being around people I didn’t like or want to be around. I was bullied to a minor degree, and girls made it pretty clear that they weren’t interested in me. This is when I started to worry about my looks. I wasn’t attracting any girls with my social skills so looks would have to seize the day, which they didn’t. No girls showed me interest, especially the ones I was physically attracted to. Some of my friends were successful in getting girls. I had a friend who had about 5 relationships throughout his 5 years in school, all of the girls were the highest quality and most attractive in our year group, another had 2, others had 1, whereas I never had a girlfriend. I always denied that it was because I was ugly, and just put it down to me being quiet. One girl teased me saying I “looked angry all the time” and laughed with her friends about me. Others would talk behind my back, making jokes to which my “friends” would say ”don’t say that” while laughing along like hens.
It was here that I ”discovered” the blackpill, although I never called it that at the time. In school, it was just reality. It was almost like a caste system was in place. The ugly guys would hang out with each other at the bottom, the average-high tier normies in the middle, and the Chads in a third group at the top of the hierarchy. Fortunately I was in the second group, although it took two years for me to enter this group as I only started regularly attending school two years after I started. High tier normies and Chads got all the girls, the nerds got squat. That’s just how it was. Everyone wanted to be the popular guy: Chad, with the girls flocking to him. Girls would often come over to our group and talk to the more popular, social boys, never me though. One girl would even act as if I was completely invisible while I was talking to another one of my friends, and she’d start talking to him, completely ignoring my presence. Some girls would throw parties. I was never invited. My friends were though. Theres a lot more I could say, but it would be too long for this thread. Needless to say, I became apathetic, miserable, and started to not give a shit about my education. I didn’t see the point in getting a good education to work a job you didn’t want to work to begin with. I compared it to slavery. I just wanted to finish school and stay at home away from people. I truly had become a misanthrope.
By the time I reached the end of my schooling years, I was depressed, lonely, fed up, and desperately desired a relationship. My sex drive was kicking into gear, and I was watching porn to cope with the fact that no girl liked me or showed me any sort of empathy or attraction. It got even worse in my 16-18 year college when I went to a college that I never wanted to go to in the first place. I had to stay in education until I was 18 and at this stage, I hated everything about education. I was planning on quitting after the conclusion of my schooling years but the law changed so I was forced to continue on. College was just as bad, if not worse than school. Here, I was bullied for being a virgin. I was mocked and called ugly by Chads, several of whom went on to successful universities and careers and had very active sexual lives and were in and out of relationships with different, attractive girls (I thought bullies always got their comeuppance?) They would often attend parties and go to nightclubs on weekends as they passed for 18 year olds. I would then hear about their “sexual conquests” in class, about how they fingered this girl, or had a one night stand with that girl etc. There was even an ethnic girl who found it very amusing that some of the Chads in my class ridiculed me. They would ask her sexual questions which she clearly enjoyed, and they would flirt with her, which she was positively receptive of. I later learned that she had a threesome with two of the Chads that were bullying me. I guess a young lad being mocked into tears is attractive to some girls. There were pretty girls everywhere, they often had partners who were almost always attractive, whereas I would walk through the halls of the college, alone, with no female companionship. Friends of mine were flirted with in college by some of the girls, and once again, I was Mr Invisible. Like I was wearing some Harry Potter invisibility cloak or some shit. Girls would always only interact with me if they had to for class. I never spoke to girls, and some guys picked up on this, asking me if I was gay or something and why I didn’t speak to them. After college, I was so utterly despondent about life that I just locked my self away. My home life deteriorated which made things even worse for me, and I was pestered to get a job.
During my time at home I would watch misanthropic videos, contemplate suicide, and browse 4chan. It was from there that I discovered the incel community, and well, here I am.
I don’t enjoy my life anymore. For the last six years, I have done absolutely nothing with my futile existence. I just sleep, play video games, watch YouTube videos, watch porn, and browse forums. I sit indoors every day for months on end unless I’m forced to leave the house for a medical appointment and such. I don’t bother getting dressed anymore, not like I’m going anywhere. I neglect grooming routines occasionally such as brushing my teeth. I’m on medication for my autism which has hindered my social life substantially, and am a NEET. I wish I had it in me to say enough is enough and commit suicide but I’m too much of a coward to do it. I guess that’s genetic too. Everything bad is. I don’t care if I end up in Hell anymore. I have abandoned my old Christian faith for Paganism. God never helped me, and he doesn’t help me now. All of my Pagan ancestors are probably in Hell, if the Christian faith is the true faith, and I’d rather feast with them in the halls of Satan than go to heaven for five minutes and spend my time in there with wealthy Chads and Stacies who have received nothing but positive reinforcement their entire lives, and have never lived on the breadline or had awful experiences that cause them to sin and doubt. I’m a complete recluse and vitamin D deficient due to lack of sunlight. Sunlight is for the Chads, not the ugly incel losers with no future like me. Maybe I’ll start writing a blog and recording my miserable existence for my family when I do off myself.
I used to be happy once.
way too relatable 
