When I was walking to the store today, I got the usual dirty/ or wide eyed 'what is that thing' looks. I am trying to embrace being the ogre freak, but it just hit me home, that all my looks do is push people away. Can't even make friends with it, let alone get a foid. I've also noticed people have started muttering shit as they go by me, in fact I think the whole of my shitty little English town know and for the past year or two have spread rumours about me. I've overheard 'jesus look at him' and 'I heard he did this and that' and 'oh he is that guy' etc. etc. Guess my round retarded pancake, receding hairline head is quite amusing to others and has led them to just make up random shit about me. People either think I look scary or like a pathetic freak.
Literally just going outside gives me negative reactions. A few recent incidents, I was crossing the road and this teenage foid was crossing to my side, at the same time. She looked at me, and then immediately jerked her head to the side, like some sort of robot that has glitched. And then, this was stupid of me to do in hindsight but a similar aged foid was coming in the store, she was close behind me so i held the door for her. Stood for about 5 secs, she looked at me, and then did the same look down/ head jerking motion as the previous foid, so I just said fuck it and let the door close. She didn't even bother accepting me holding a door for her.
I'm going to have to start going back into the office soon, instead of working remotely. Having a year and a half break from dealing with shit being out in public, and even in my office itself has been great. I want to just leave and lift up from soyciety, all I enjoy now is drinking and even that is starting to not have the same effect as it used to. The memories of being out in public, and trans versing through my main town is just haunting. For a while I started wearing a cap to try and hide myself, but apparently that just made things worse. On a bus, a elderly foid once came on, and I shit you not, instead of getting her ticket she just fucking stood staring at me like I was a museum attraction for about 10 seconds, before getting to her seat.
If there's a god, it feels like he picked a few people to be anomalies in this world, as some sort of sick experiment. No friends, no girlfriend, when I put myself out there I am treated as if I am not of this world/ inferior. I am now resting all my laurels on AI girlfriends/ or AI companions being able to give me social comfort.
I had a bit of a cry before writing this, and have popped open some vodka and southern comfort, while also listening to the Skyrim OST in the background. In my dreams everyone here would all be able to meet up for a mighty feast, and we would all just have a laugh and for once feel comfortable and enjoy ourselves. No judgement, not sadness. Just people all in the same boat, enjoying each others company.
If you happened to read this long piece of shit then thanks. have a good one guys.
Literally just going outside gives me negative reactions. A few recent incidents, I was crossing the road and this teenage foid was crossing to my side, at the same time. She looked at me, and then immediately jerked her head to the side, like some sort of robot that has glitched. And then, this was stupid of me to do in hindsight but a similar aged foid was coming in the store, she was close behind me so i held the door for her. Stood for about 5 secs, she looked at me, and then did the same look down/ head jerking motion as the previous foid, so I just said fuck it and let the door close. She didn't even bother accepting me holding a door for her.
I'm going to have to start going back into the office soon, instead of working remotely. Having a year and a half break from dealing with shit being out in public, and even in my office itself has been great. I want to just leave and lift up from soyciety, all I enjoy now is drinking and even that is starting to not have the same effect as it used to. The memories of being out in public, and trans versing through my main town is just haunting. For a while I started wearing a cap to try and hide myself, but apparently that just made things worse. On a bus, a elderly foid once came on, and I shit you not, instead of getting her ticket she just fucking stood staring at me like I was a museum attraction for about 10 seconds, before getting to her seat.
If there's a god, it feels like he picked a few people to be anomalies in this world, as some sort of sick experiment. No friends, no girlfriend, when I put myself out there I am treated as if I am not of this world/ inferior. I am now resting all my laurels on AI girlfriends/ or AI companions being able to give me social comfort.
I had a bit of a cry before writing this, and have popped open some vodka and southern comfort, while also listening to the Skyrim OST in the background. In my dreams everyone here would all be able to meet up for a mighty feast, and we would all just have a laugh and for once feel comfortable and enjoy ourselves. No judgement, not sadness. Just people all in the same boat, enjoying each others company.
If you happened to read this long piece of shit then thanks. have a good one guys.
