i can't deal with life anymore. i can't cope. too scared to rope.
I always had hope things would get better. I thought one day maybe just one day a foid would look my way with a smile. But it will never happen. I know it. I'm a genetic dead end. My mind and face are fucked up. and I don't want to spread my mental illness or genetic defect to future offspring. I try telling myself that i'll try this, that i'll travel to the 3rd world to get laid, that one day a woman will want me, that its ok to LDAR, this and that but nothing works anymore. i recently got a car and i tried to put myself out there but i am a complete outcast. i know i'm not a normie.
women and children are disgusted and scared by me. men are threatened by me (tbh i think they see me as a threat to the gene pool subconsciously that its there biological tick to want me to leave there premises or whatever idk im not a scientist)... even my own family wont take me. my grandma just left again cuz she cant "deal with seeing me waste my life and not finding a girlfriend/wife" so i'm lonely. my meds aren't even strong enough anymore.
i'm typing with tears in my eyes. why was i sent to this earth like this? why? why am i ugly? jesus christ why have you damned me God? what did i do? this is supposedly my first life then why do you make some people good looking AND ME A FUCKING GENETIC DEFECTIVE PIECE OF SHIT??? i was born innocent. i deserved to at least be coddled and loved in my infant years but even my own mother is disgusted by me. i never asked to be touched as toddler. i never asked for my mental illness or genetic defect. i didn't even ask FOR LIFE. supposdely family is all about love and support then why since i've been little have i been a outcast in my family? I FUCKING HATE HOW LOOKS PLAY APART SO MUCH IN LIFE.i'm just gonna say fuck it and stay doped up like a vegetable till i die. i hope when eventually the hallucinations and my grip on reality slips i'll at least be sometimes lost in some fantasy land where im chad or at least have a someone to love me truly (seriously i've been happier in my positive hallucinations then real life since ive been a kid). anyways my brother is on his way to pick me up. i'm gonna go live at a private group home with other schizos. today after the realization hit me that being both mentally ill and physical deformed will never allow me to ascend or find a partner i decided i'm throwing in the towel.
fuck all you normie looking faggots who trolled me.
shout out to the truecels. i hope you guys ascend.
GOODBYE
I always had hope things would get better. I thought one day maybe just one day a foid would look my way with a smile. But it will never happen. I know it. I'm a genetic dead end. My mind and face are fucked up. and I don't want to spread my mental illness or genetic defect to future offspring. I try telling myself that i'll try this, that i'll travel to the 3rd world to get laid, that one day a woman will want me, that its ok to LDAR, this and that but nothing works anymore. i recently got a car and i tried to put myself out there but i am a complete outcast. i know i'm not a normie.
women and children are disgusted and scared by me. men are threatened by me (tbh i think they see me as a threat to the gene pool subconsciously that its there biological tick to want me to leave there premises or whatever idk im not a scientist)... even my own family wont take me. my grandma just left again cuz she cant "deal with seeing me waste my life and not finding a girlfriend/wife" so i'm lonely. my meds aren't even strong enough anymore.
i'm typing with tears in my eyes. why was i sent to this earth like this? why? why am i ugly? jesus christ why have you damned me God? what did i do? this is supposedly my first life then why do you make some people good looking AND ME A FUCKING GENETIC DEFECTIVE PIECE OF SHIT??? i was born innocent. i deserved to at least be coddled and loved in my infant years but even my own mother is disgusted by me. i never asked to be touched as toddler. i never asked for my mental illness or genetic defect. i didn't even ask FOR LIFE. supposdely family is all about love and support then why since i've been little have i been a outcast in my family? I FUCKING HATE HOW LOOKS PLAY APART SO MUCH IN LIFE.i'm just gonna say fuck it and stay doped up like a vegetable till i die. i hope when eventually the hallucinations and my grip on reality slips i'll at least be sometimes lost in some fantasy land where im chad or at least have a someone to love me truly (seriously i've been happier in my positive hallucinations then real life since ive been a kid). anyways my brother is on his way to pick me up. i'm gonna go live at a private group home with other schizos. today after the realization hit me that being both mentally ill and physical deformed will never allow me to ascend or find a partner i decided i'm throwing in the towel.
fuck all you normie looking faggots who trolled me.
shout out to the truecels. i hope you guys ascend.
GOODBYE
