It's all I had in my life. I have nothing else. I am not close to anyone in my unit but they were the only stable group of people in my life the past several years. Turns out I like having relationships with some distance. I stayed in because a military chaplain advised me to stay in the reserves because otherwise I might fall through the cracks, so I stayed and he was right. I have no friends. My family is a burning hot mess and I plan on cutting them off again after not talking to them for over a decade. I literally have nobody.
I am in the process of trying to get into this new job I've been trying to get for years. I am hoping to get a contract by the end of this year. Nobody knows how much it means to me, and I don't talk about it too much because I don't want to seem too intense and obsessed. I made a suicide pact with myself that if I don't get it, I am going to stop trying and just leave this world. I often look around me and wish I just finished it off years ago. I don't even know if I have what it takes, but it's either this or death. I am giving myself 6 months.
I've been tired, and low key panicking since I was told I am getting kicked out. Fuck. I really am on my own.
I am in the process of trying to get into this new job I've been trying to get for years. I am hoping to get a contract by the end of this year. Nobody knows how much it means to me, and I don't talk about it too much because I don't want to seem too intense and obsessed. I made a suicide pact with myself that if I don't get it, I am going to stop trying and just leave this world. I often look around me and wish I just finished it off years ago. I don't even know if I have what it takes, but it's either this or death. I am giving myself 6 months.
I've been tired, and low key panicking since I was told I am getting kicked out. Fuck. I really am on my own.
