Most people think of incels – or involuntarily celibate individuals – as heterosexual men who hate women because they won’t have sex with them.
But the movement is growing
increasingly popular amongst the LGBT+ community.
‘I am ashamed to say that I’m a gay incel. For a long time I’ve felt deprived of getting the attention of men. It has made me bitter and resentful towards them.
‘I don’t want to say that I’m shallow because I like a wide range of men as long as they’re masculine. Maybe to some that sounds shallow. But I don’t care because it’s my life and I have a right to choose who I want to date or have sex with.
‘Why should I have to settle for less because I have a hard time finding a date?’
A lot of folks found out about incels due to the radicalisation of several North American mass shooters by online incel communities.
These online groups promoted violence as some sort of revenge for the unfair reality that incels live in.
Of course, not all incels are monstrous misogynists or violent shooters. Most of them are ordinary individuals feeling disenfranchised from society based on their appearance.
They find solace in online groups which affirm their experiences. However, in many cases, these same groups echo their own insecurities right back at them – that they’re ugly and unlovable.
As a bisexual man, it’s no surprise to me that gay men have joined the ranks of the incel community.
I’ve seen first hand the negative affects of gay beauty standards. They have driven mental health issues – such as body dysmorphia to dangerous heights – in the queer male community.
Indeed, a lot of the issues that LGBT+ incels say disenfranchise them from society are very real. Fat shaming, skinny shaming, body dysmorphia, eating disorders, racism, and femmephobia are rife in our community.
Many LGBTQ+ folks, myself included, have struggled with some of those issues.
Meanwhile, apps like Grindr heavily contribute to feelings of worthlessness in the LGBTQ+ community.
Not long ago, a poll discovered that the majority of Grindr’s users found the app made them unhappy. That’s alarming given millions of gay and bi men regularly use the app.
Therefore, for those for whom rejection becomes a regular experience, the incel community may seem like the only place others understand them.
