Venting Fuck my life is so empty

[VST]

I derive no enjoyment from life itself, I hate my job, and literally every other aspect of my pitiful existence
I am at my happiest when I am day-dreaming, when I am tricking my brain into thinking I'm experiencing something amazing, distracting myself from the foul reality of being.

I can only imagine how it must feel to be in a loving relationship, to be good enough to be loved, by someone that isn't biologically predisposed to protecting their own offspring, by someone whom I'm not genetically related to.
I can only imagine how amazing it must feel to make a girl comfortable, and to be comfortable around a girl.
I can only imagine how great it must be to have someone that genuinely feels excited every time she sees me, someone that looks forward to waking up in the morning just because they'll be able to wake up next to me, and me being grateful for having such an amazing someone by my side.

But unfortunately, imagine is all I can do.
The horrid reality of life is that most people get to experience this, but some don't, we don't, I don't. The vast majority will live a life full of enjoyment, love and excitement, but I won't and I never will, it has been like that since I can remember. Happiness just stumbles into most people, but in my case it seems to avoid me or be repelled by me.

I have been brutally forced into this world just to endure a life of suffering.

 

[nausea]

hmmm

 

[VST]

Go out into the world and FIND meaning.

Pretty sure my meaning at this point is the void.

 

[sadricecel]

This is never what I thought my twenties were going to be like.

I thought I'd still be in that perfect relationship, I'd be happy, id be on my way to being able to afford my own place, I'd have a great social life and plans with friends, and even when I didn't I'd be able to chill at home with her and it would all be perfect and life would be good. I thought that after everything I had been through when I was younger, I deserved a break from all the shit and it was my time to be happy. None of those things have happened. Life continues to hand me crap pile after crap pile, and I'm starting to just wonder when it will all end. Another weekend here alone, whilst everyone around me has plans with their other halves and is out having fun. When will it be my turn? Will I be able to trust it when it comes my way, or will it all just bite me in the ass again when I finally think that my time for happiness has come? I just don't know how much longer I can do this all for.

 

[Indari]

fuck my life is so empty

 

[Deleted member 60]

hmmm

 

[nausea]

Go out into the world and FIND meaning.

he will do that latER