Caesercel
Take a look to the sky just before you die.
★★★★★
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2020
- Posts
- 21,911
Couldn't link it so copied the entire thing
I’ve always blamed myself for these circumstances and chalked it up to poor communication on my part and not being adamant enough about saying no, but my current girlfriend has convinced me otherwise. Here’s the 3 part series -
First time: girlfriend and I had already talked about our opinions on sex and when it should happen and I had made it clear I wasn’t interested until 18 (I was 14, she was 16). Things had already been moving faster than I was really comfortable with but things just become normal? Anyways, was laying down and she was giving me a handy when there’s a quick pause and suddenly it felt way better. I freaked out a little and asked why she did it after we had already layed down rules, she said she missed how it felt. I had trouble sleeping for weeks afterward and had serious anxiety because my parents had brought me up with abstinence based education. I felt dirty and wrong.
Fast forward a couple years, girlfriend and I had broken up, a family friend had asked me to a dance at her high school. They lived a few hours away but our families were super close so my parents were okay with me staying overnight, in fact they were encouraging me to go and provide some moral support since her mom was seriously ill. I show up, find out her parents aren’t there and am immediately uncomfortable but her friends are there and are supposed to be spending the night as well. We get back from the dance and things are fine until everyone else ends up leaving. She says I can sleep in her room, I say nah I’ll sleep on the floor downstairs. After insisting several times I grab a blanket and bug out. I wake up in the middle of the night with her next to me, she says she’s got feelings, I tell her its not a good idea, I don’t want to, she says it’ll make her feel better about what’s going on in life, I say it won’t. She keeps arguing until I break down and we try but I have a hard time getting it up from all the anxiety about not wanting it to happen, what will happen with our families, what will happen with her. After a while of it just not working she says it’s a waste and goes back upstairs. Still have confidence issues from that and the family relationship kinda fell apart. According to a friend of hers it was premeditated and she’d been planning it for months.
Round 3, a couple years later I’m working in a restaurant, all of the crew are super close and have a great time on shift, a couple of us lived close together and would ride share sometimes and I ended up driving this girl who had a moped pretty often in the winter time cuz it was cold af and dangerous to drive after closing. Anyways, most days after closing the team would hang out on the porch in front of the restaurant and chill out with a soda before heading home and one night she suddenly looks at me, in front of everyone and says “I wanna fuck you.” Big red flag, but I laugh it off and hope she’s joking. I drove her to work that day so I had to drive her back after we were done hanging out and when we rolled up to her house she said “I’m not getting out until I get to fuck you.” I laugh, she says she’s serious, I say thanks but no thanks, she says it’s not an option and if I refuse she’ll call the cops and say I tried to rape her. I felt trapped, I had no idea what else to do, I couldn’t physically remove her from my car because that would have had its own set of problems, and so it happened. And then she would guilt me into it almost nightly after work, threatening to call the cops if we didn’t have sex. She started telling everyone we were dating and would tell people at work, on shift, in front of customers about the sex. I was so mentally fucked up from all this. Finally one of my other coworkers asked me to go to lunch and talked to me about what was actually going on. Oddly enough I found out he was dating this girl’s sister and he said she had a history of stuff like this and that he would support me and testify if needed. I quit the next day and stayed the fuck away from that place.
Up until my last girlfriend I had never had a positive sexual experience. My friends would make fun because we didn’t have sex for the first 2 years of our relationship, but she wasn’t ready until then and that was way more important than getting lucky. And even with my current I still feel conflicted before, after, and during. I’m mortified by the thought of her not being 100% on board, she has to initiate almost every time
He also says he's a firefighter makin 42k in southern california and a hobbyist surfer. Does it make sense?
I’ve always blamed myself for these circumstances and chalked it up to poor communication on my part and not being adamant enough about saying no, but my current girlfriend has convinced me otherwise. Here’s the 3 part series -
First time: girlfriend and I had already talked about our opinions on sex and when it should happen and I had made it clear I wasn’t interested until 18 (I was 14, she was 16). Things had already been moving faster than I was really comfortable with but things just become normal? Anyways, was laying down and she was giving me a handy when there’s a quick pause and suddenly it felt way better. I freaked out a little and asked why she did it after we had already layed down rules, she said she missed how it felt. I had trouble sleeping for weeks afterward and had serious anxiety because my parents had brought me up with abstinence based education. I felt dirty and wrong.
Fast forward a couple years, girlfriend and I had broken up, a family friend had asked me to a dance at her high school. They lived a few hours away but our families were super close so my parents were okay with me staying overnight, in fact they were encouraging me to go and provide some moral support since her mom was seriously ill. I show up, find out her parents aren’t there and am immediately uncomfortable but her friends are there and are supposed to be spending the night as well. We get back from the dance and things are fine until everyone else ends up leaving. She says I can sleep in her room, I say nah I’ll sleep on the floor downstairs. After insisting several times I grab a blanket and bug out. I wake up in the middle of the night with her next to me, she says she’s got feelings, I tell her its not a good idea, I don’t want to, she says it’ll make her feel better about what’s going on in life, I say it won’t. She keeps arguing until I break down and we try but I have a hard time getting it up from all the anxiety about not wanting it to happen, what will happen with our families, what will happen with her. After a while of it just not working she says it’s a waste and goes back upstairs. Still have confidence issues from that and the family relationship kinda fell apart. According to a friend of hers it was premeditated and she’d been planning it for months.
Round 3, a couple years later I’m working in a restaurant, all of the crew are super close and have a great time on shift, a couple of us lived close together and would ride share sometimes and I ended up driving this girl who had a moped pretty often in the winter time cuz it was cold af and dangerous to drive after closing. Anyways, most days after closing the team would hang out on the porch in front of the restaurant and chill out with a soda before heading home and one night she suddenly looks at me, in front of everyone and says “I wanna fuck you.” Big red flag, but I laugh it off and hope she’s joking. I drove her to work that day so I had to drive her back after we were done hanging out and when we rolled up to her house she said “I’m not getting out until I get to fuck you.” I laugh, she says she’s serious, I say thanks but no thanks, she says it’s not an option and if I refuse she’ll call the cops and say I tried to rape her. I felt trapped, I had no idea what else to do, I couldn’t physically remove her from my car because that would have had its own set of problems, and so it happened. And then she would guilt me into it almost nightly after work, threatening to call the cops if we didn’t have sex. She started telling everyone we were dating and would tell people at work, on shift, in front of customers about the sex. I was so mentally fucked up from all this. Finally one of my other coworkers asked me to go to lunch and talked to me about what was actually going on. Oddly enough I found out he was dating this girl’s sister and he said she had a history of stuff like this and that he would support me and testify if needed. I quit the next day and stayed the fuck away from that place.
Up until my last girlfriend I had never had a positive sexual experience. My friends would make fun because we didn’t have sex for the first 2 years of our relationship, but she wasn’t ready until then and that was way more important than getting lucky. And even with my current I still feel conflicted before, after, and during. I’m mortified by the thought of her not being 100% on board, she has to initiate almost every time
He also says he's a firefighter makin 42k in southern california and a hobbyist surfer. Does it make sense?