Today I found a beautiful post with a combo of all the right memes. I think it is always important to have reality check once in a while. Remember, it is real people who claim to have real struggles, and they never admit that incels have it hard.
(it is Reddit post with golden award; grammar auto corrected by plugin of my browser)
Hi everyone. I'm 29F and I'd like to share my experience until now about my nun mode. I entered the nun mode at march, after the end of a relationship. When I saw how miserable I was, and how I was always at relationships with the same kind of guys for a while, I decided I need some alone time to focus. My nun mode is supposed to last until the end of the year or until my birthday (February).
Some background: I started dating at 14 and have been in some serious relationships. Some were very good and some were catastrophic. When I was 25, I spent a year at casual dating, but I felt horrible because it seemed like I was disposable. At the relationships, I was somehow clingy, anxious and validation seeker. And my 4 last relationships were with selfish, manipulative, cold and gaslighter guys, and beyond. I didn't saw those things at the beginning because they were also very good actors, and I was also very blind, VERY naive and also forgave a lot. More background, outside relationships: I'm graduated, have a job, have mental health issues since kid (anxiety, depression, etc), have my hobbies, some friends and many insecurities.
Here I am at my 7mo and decided to share some of my experience until now because I made a good decision today.
So, as I said, I have depression. This week I'm feeling very lonely, very "omg my friends don't like me", "I'll never make new friends, I'm very uninteresting and boring", yadda yadda. I thought of go back to dating, since I could at least talk with someone, spend some time with a new person and at least have some company to have dinner. Then, the bright light: I decided to not make this, because I was seeking a guy to fulfill something I can fulfill myself. I realized I need to learn how to make friends before go back into dating. Find a way to deal with this false loneliness before go to any date. Or I'll make the same mistakes as before. Sounds obvious, but I'm really proud of myself of being aware of this now.
Speaking about this, my mental health is SO much better now. I don't have to deal with a toxic guy who makes my mental health go on a downward spiral. I have so much to improve, but I'm more conscious now about my qualities, my self-esteem, my flaws and my power. I know what triggers me and what boost my mood.
I'm pursuing my dreams, reliving my hobbies, interacting with outside world more. I'm pursuing what I really want, not what it's convenient for some guy or some relationship. I'm really owning my life.
Being without sex this whole period was easy at the beginning, since I was disgusted by my ex, but now is becoming difficult. On the brighter side, people are starting to look attractive again. And I'm learning how to make myself interesting, be better at conversations, how to flirt and things like that. Very important, I'm training some vetting with random people I meet, like coworkers and friends of friends, and starting to understand people better.
I'm aware now of how much I used to give of myself at my past relationships. I would give myself and my whole time if they asked. Now I know better what is the ideal balance for me. I'm more aware too of unacceptable things, and what are my true interests if I have another relationship again.
I started to make courses, to travel more, to explore more the city I live, to dedicate seriously to my career, to remake bounds with older friends, to accept myself. I'm also back to therapy to discuss about a lot of past traumas and get better with my self-esteem, this attachment and validation problem, and so on.
Also, I feel so happy right now. I'm really learning to love myself and be my best company. I'd never learn this without the nun mode, since my whole life was about seeking a guy to feel good. Thank you so much for the posts, the advises and the community, you are a very important part of this growing.
(it is Reddit post with golden award; grammar auto corrected by plugin of my browser)
Hi everyone. I'm 29F and I'd like to share my experience until now about my nun mode. I entered the nun mode at march, after the end of a relationship. When I saw how miserable I was, and how I was always at relationships with the same kind of guys for a while, I decided I need some alone time to focus. My nun mode is supposed to last until the end of the year or until my birthday (February).
Some background: I started dating at 14 and have been in some serious relationships. Some were very good and some were catastrophic. When I was 25, I spent a year at casual dating, but I felt horrible because it seemed like I was disposable. At the relationships, I was somehow clingy, anxious and validation seeker. And my 4 last relationships were with selfish, manipulative, cold and gaslighter guys, and beyond. I didn't saw those things at the beginning because they were also very good actors, and I was also very blind, VERY naive and also forgave a lot. More background, outside relationships: I'm graduated, have a job, have mental health issues since kid (anxiety, depression, etc), have my hobbies, some friends and many insecurities.
Here I am at my 7mo and decided to share some of my experience until now because I made a good decision today.
So, as I said, I have depression.
This week I'm feeling very lonely, very "omg my friends don't like me", "I'll never make new friends, I'm very uninteresting and boring", yadda yadda. I thought of go back to dating, since I could at least talk with someone, spend some time with a new person and at least have some company to have dinner. Then, the bright light: I decided to not make this, because I was seeking a guy to fulfill something I can fulfill myself. I realized I need to learn how to make friends before go back into dating. Find a way to deal with this false loneliness before go to any date. Or I'll make the same mistakes as before. Sounds obvious, but I'm really proud of myself of being aware of this now.Speaking about this, my mental health is SO much better now. I don't have to deal with a toxic guy who makes my mental health go on a downward spiral. I have so much to improve, but I'm more conscious now about my qualities, my self-esteem, my flaws and my power. I know what triggers me and what boost my mood.
I'm pursuing my dreams, reliving my hobbies, interacting with outside world more. I'm pursuing what I really want, not what it's convenient for some guy or some relationship. I'm really owning my life.
Being without sex this whole period was easy at the beginning, since I was disgusted by my ex, but now is becoming difficult. On the brighter side, people are starting to look attractive again. And I'm learning how to make myself interesting, be better at conversations, how to flirt and things like that. Very important, I'm training some vetting with random people I meet, like coworkers and friends of friends, and starting to understand people better.
I'm aware now of how much I used to give of myself at my past relationships. I would give myself and my whole time if they asked. Now I know better what is the ideal balance for me. I'm more aware too of unacceptable things, and what are my true interests if I have another relationship again.
I started to make courses, to travel more, to explore more the city I live, to dedicate seriously to my career, to remake bounds with older friends, to accept myself. I'm also back to therapy to discuss about a lot of past traumas and get better with my self-esteem, this attachment and validation problem, and so on.
Also, I feel so happy right now. I'm really learning to love myself and be my best company. I'd never learn this without the nun mode, since my whole life was about seeking a guy to feel good.
Thank you so much for the posts, the advises and the community, you are a very important part of this growing.
