Venting Feeling unable to do something

[Lebensmüder]

The last few months I considered visiting prostitutes, but I always decide against it.
I would never feel comfortable in letting a woman see my body. As a child I already had that problem I could never expose myself to others (not even my chest) - for example: as I was forced to visit beaches/swimming pools with my parents I always wanted to keep my shirt on or wanted to wear a wetsuit. A few years ago I still thought that this was due to obesity, but even after losing weight and becoming officially underweight I still don't want anybody to see my exposed body.
I have severe performance anxiety. I fear being unable to get an erection, ejaculating too fast or not being able to ejaculate. I know that I would suck at sex too (like I fail in almost everything else) and unironically humiliating yourself in something as private/integral as this over and over again while still being below average in performance would really be enormous suicidefuel for me (especially considering the fact that I would pay for this with enormous amounts of money and the fact that whores can be absolutely brutal in their judgement of men). Before exposing myself to that failure I would rather remain a virgin, but this again will only worsen the problem as the deficits continue to accumulate.
I unironically fear nothing more at this point than more Job's news (like impotence/sexual dysfunction), I feel like a patient that knows that the diagnosis will be shitty and therefore fears seeing the doctor while this will only increase his issues/problems. Normally I can ignore everything or even feel good to some degree while watching cartoons/listening to music, but on certain dates I realise how fucked up everything is in my life and how running away from problems continues to worsen my situation, on my 21st birthday for example I nearly started crying after reflecting about my entire life; then on most other days I feel pure rage/spite. And then there is also the stuff with the Autism which is another death blow for me. I unironically feel like I was in a prison or a pilot locked out of the cockpit, I know everything that is wrong with the situation and could write essays about it, but I am unable to fix any of these problems.

 

[Deleted member 33716]

I think with sex, most people will be terrible at it the first few times. It's a skill that needs to be learnt, refined and tailored to your own sexuality.

Seeing a whore should make it easier. Teel her that you prefer doggy style and to keep your clothes on. Book however long you want. Take your time. You're not there to please her. If you can't get hard, close your eyes and get her to blow you. Get rid of that V-card. Explore at your pace. It's way easier after the first time too.

 

[Copexodius Maximus]

The last few months I considered visiting prostitutes, but I always decide against it.
I would never feel comfortable in letting a woman see my body. As a child I already had that problem I could never expose myself to others (not even my chest) - for example: as I was forced to visit beaches/swimming pools with my parents I always wanted to keep my shirt on or wanted to wear a wetsuit. A few years ago I still thought that this was due to obesity, but even after losing weight and becoming officially underweight I still don't want anybody to see my exposed body.
I have severe performance anxiety. I fear being unable to get an erection, ejaculating too fast or not being able to ejaculate. I know that I would suck at sex too (like I fail in almost everything else) and unironically humiliating yourself in something as private/integral as this over and over again while still being below average in performance would really be enormous suicidefuel for me (especially considering the fact that I would pay for this with enormous amounts of money and the fact that whores can be absolutely brutal in their judgement of men). Before exposing myself to that failure I would rather remain a virgin, but this again will only worsen the problem as the deficits continue to accumulate.
I unironically fear nothing more at this point than more Job's news (like impotence/sexual dysfunction), I feel like a patient that knows that the diagnosis will be shitty and therefore fears seeing the doctor while this will only increase his issues/problems. Normally I can ignore everything or even feel good to some degree while watching cartoons/listening to music, but on certain dates I realise how fucked up everything is in my life and how running away from problems continues to worsen my situation, on my 21st birthday for example I nearly started crying after reflecting about my entire life; then on most other days I feel pure rage/spite. And then there is also the stuff with the Autism which is another death blow for me. I unironically feel like I was in a prison or a pilot locked out of the cockpit, I know everything that is wrong with the situation and could write essays about it, but I am unable to fix any of these problems.

the end result of growing up fat, you hate your own body and are ashamed of it

 

[Lebensmüder]

I think with sex, most people will be terrible at it the first few times. It's a skill that needs to be learnt, refined and tailored to your own sexuality.

Seeing a whore should make it easier. Teel her that you prefer doggy style and to keep your clothes on. Book however long you want. Take your time. You're not there to please her. If you can't get hard, close your eyes and get her to blow you. Get rid of that V-card. Explore at your pace. It's way easier after the first time too.

And what happens if problems arise? Are people insulted/etc.?

the end result of growing up fat, you hate your own body and are ashamed of it

Brutal.

 

[Deleted member 33716]

And what happens if problems arise? Are people insulted/etc.?

No, I wouldn't think so. As long as you pay them and follow the rules, you'll be OK. Just give it a go, nothing to worry too much about.

 

[Lebensmüder]

No, I wouldn't think so. As long as you pay them and follow the rules, you'll be OK. Just give it a go, nothing to worry too much about.

Thanks for the help tbh.

 

[Deleted member 33716]

Thanks for the help tbh.

No worries brocel.

 

[Deleted member 33216]

The last few months I considered visiting prostitutes, but I always decide against it.

There's also the risk of doing something illegal. I don't think prostitutes are worth the risk and money. As I said previously in other threads here, I'd rather die a virgin than stoop to that level. There's a bigger principle involved here; why pay for something that most men get for free? It's like paying for air while others get to enjoy it for free. But if you're set on fucking a prostitute, then go to the Netherlands or Germany if you're in Europe, or to Vegas if you're in North America. That way it's less risky; the only risk in that case is STIs.

I unironically feel like I was in a prison or a pilot locked out of the cockpit, I know everything that is wrong with the situation and could write essays about it, but I am unable to fix any of these problems.

Same here, I feel like there's no way out of this mental/genetic prison. I was born unfit for this world, and now I'm paying the price for it. No amount of Blackpill knowledge will lessen my suffering. Although, recently I've been trying to condition myself to the suffering but to no avail. I still haven't fully given up on the idea yet, but I feel like giving up on life in general. I don't see why I should bother with anything. I've missed out on so much. Any attempt to attain happiness (however that may be defined) is destined to fail as life has lost its meaning and magic. It's not this wonderful place that I used to enjoy as a kid. It's sad and bleak. You can't keep running away from unpleasant situations tough, you either face them or you check out. But running away from them while alive will only arouse more suffering that will eventually make your life insufferable, forcing you to check out. Virginity isn't a problem for me anymore; I made my peace with it. I will die a virgin, I don't care anymore. I just want to punish those who put me in that position. Not by going ER or committing some stupid act of violence, but by psychologically torturing women. Teasing them, giving them a taste of their own medicine. That can be achieved by chadfishing, screwing your female coworkers over whenever possible, or by other non-violent means. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there's no happy ending. There is no scenario where the likes of us are happy (at least not in this universe, maybe in a parallel dimension or something but not here). Watch Renegade#1 on YT, he has some valuable content on how to condition yourself to this abject lifestyle.

 

[Lebensmüder]

There's also the risk of doing something illegal. I don't think prostitutes are worth the risk and money. As I said previously in other threads here, I'd rather die a virgin than stoop to that level. There's a bigger principle involved here; why pay for something that most men get for free? It's like paying for air while others get to enjoy it for free. But if you're set on fucking a prostitute, then go to the Netherlands or Germany if you're in Europe, or to Vegas if you're in North America. That way it's less risky; the only risk in that case is STIs.

Yes, would visit the Netherlands or something like that. But the fact that I have to pay for something that everyone else gets naturally is simply enfuriating/depressing.

Same here, I feel like there's no way out of this mental/genetic prison. I was born unfit for this world, and now I'm paying the price for it. No amount of Blackpill knowledge will lessen my suffering. Although, recently I've been trying to condition myself to the suffering but to no avail. I still haven't fully given up on the idea yet, but I feel like giving up on life in general. I don't see why I should bother with anything. I've missed out on so much. Any attempt to attain happiness (however that may be defined) is destined to fail as life has lost its meaning and magic. It's not this wonderful place that I used to enjoy as a kid. It's sad and bleak. You can't keep running away from unpleasant situations tough, you either face them or you check out. But running away from them while alive will only arouse more suffering that will eventually make your life insufferable, forcing you to check out. Virginity isn't a problem for me anymore; I made my peace with it. I will die a virgin, I don't care anymore. I just want to punish those who put me in that position. Not by going ER or committing some stupid act of violence, but by psychologically torturing women. Teasing them, giving them a taste of their own medicine. That can be achieved by chadfishing, screwing your female coworkers over whenever possible, or by other non-violent means. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there's no happy ending. There is no scenario where the likes of us are happy (at least not in this universe, maybe in a parallel dimension or something but not here). Watch Renegade#1 on YT, he has some valuable content on how to condition yourself to this abject lifestyle.

Thanks for the recommendation of the youtube channel. Same here in the moment, used to enjoy life as a kid and after puberty everything became torture.

 

[Deleted member 33716]

Yes, would visit the Netherlands or something like that. But the fact that I have to pay for something that everyone else gets naturally is simply enfuriating/depressing.

You can frame it in other ways.
If you want to fuck lots of different women, you either need money or giga-genetics.
I think a lot of cels have rationalised their rejection of escortceling because of anxiety about being vulnerable in front of a foid.
Try it once.
Cels who have never gone whoring cannot give you an accurate risk/benefit analysis.

 

[Deleted member 33716]

Visiting prostitutes requires low inhib and being NT. She won't be nice or polite for you. Women who work in the brothels are vulgar and aggressive foid chavs, who could mock and brutally humiliate you. Not to mention the fact that they often share their profits with pimps, who - work for mafia and who could easily fuck your life up if you are not careful.

That has generally not been my experience. I usually like to see foids who work for themselves. Very very rarely have I come across a rude one. But, of course, if you are a shit customer, it raises the likelihood of shit service.

 

[Deleted member 27161]

Ngl I wasn't able to ejaculate when I saw one. But I'm glad I got the experience nonetheless, it helped me become more low inhib.