Just some shit off my chest. Nothing too much.
I don't like the idea of god, it's painful. How can god make me ugly, expect me to be normal in society, and send me to hell if I don't comply. It's bullshit. I want to be religious, I want to believe in a higher being that loves me, but it's fucking impossible. I can't get revenge or I go to hell, I can't kill myself because I'll go to hell.
The fear of everything comes from the fear of death, the fear of death comes from the fear of the unknown. Humans evolved with a consciousness, so much so that it makes us stressed to see something that we can't get an answer to. Death is a mystery. What if I don't reincarnate into a better world somewhere in this beautiful universe? What if there's nothing after you die. That alone is devastating. One life and it was thrown out the day you were born because of how ugly you are.
I try to stay optimistic. It's hard. Everything is the fucking same. Every last bit. Nothing changes. I remember January 1st 2023 new years like it was yesterday. Yet here we are. I've been doing the same shit since that date, no, before that. It's driving me insane. But will I do anything about it? No. I'm scared about death. I don't want to go to hell or turn into nothing.
It's hard to believe the time that has passed. Doing the same fucking thing everyday. Nothing different, nothing interesting. Same thing. No loving woman by my side, no texts, no cuddles, no hugs. The bad looks. My useless fucking redpill phase that made me believe I had a chance. I want revenge on what society has done to me. But I fear death. I don't want to see the darkness. I don't fucking care anymore. I haven't cared for a long time. I don't want revenge most likely. If my mind truly desired it, then it would already be done.
Fuck everything. Happy Friday, brothers.
I don't like the idea of god, it's painful. How can god make me ugly, expect me to be normal in society, and send me to hell if I don't comply. It's bullshit. I want to be religious, I want to believe in a higher being that loves me, but it's fucking impossible. I can't get revenge or I go to hell, I can't kill myself because I'll go to hell.
The fear of everything comes from the fear of death, the fear of death comes from the fear of the unknown. Humans evolved with a consciousness, so much so that it makes us stressed to see something that we can't get an answer to. Death is a mystery. What if I don't reincarnate into a better world somewhere in this beautiful universe? What if there's nothing after you die. That alone is devastating. One life and it was thrown out the day you were born because of how ugly you are.
I try to stay optimistic. It's hard. Everything is the fucking same. Every last bit. Nothing changes. I remember January 1st 2023 new years like it was yesterday. Yet here we are. I've been doing the same shit since that date, no, before that. It's driving me insane. But will I do anything about it? No. I'm scared about death. I don't want to go to hell or turn into nothing.
It's hard to believe the time that has passed. Doing the same fucking thing everyday. Nothing different, nothing interesting. Same thing. No loving woman by my side, no texts, no cuddles, no hugs. The bad looks. My useless fucking redpill phase that made me believe I had a chance. I want revenge on what society has done to me. But I fear death. I don't want to see the darkness. I don't fucking care anymore. I haven't cared for a long time. I don't want revenge most likely. If my mind truly desired it, then it would already be done.
Fuck everything. Happy Friday, brothers.
