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IsolationHurts
Spanish Oldcel
★★★★
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2017
- Posts
- 3,853
I don't know why I'm writing this tbh.
I think I'm losing my sanity. I stopped taking LSD but sometimes I hear things and see things that are not there. I think I need some social interactions. Idk. I've read that extreme Isolation causes hallucinations. I wonder if I'm more isolated than a year ago. I feel absolutely lonely, thats for sure.
My life is just going to work, coming back, eat something, taking drugs to cope with loneliness and sleeping 4 or 5 hours, then repeat.
I spent the last whole weekend (like 18 hours per day) taking 3mmc (a drug that makes you happy for no reason, and makes you want to make things in the world) and playing league of legends. I don't like the game, and I didn't plan to play 40 hours in 2 days. I just did it, I don't know why. It's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be the opposite of having to go to work. I'm not even sure anymore. I'm scared of thinking about my absolutely pathetic life as a unlovable subhuman monster. I need to cope every hour, every minute, every second. I'm 29, and I FEEL it's going to be over soon. One day I will realize its over for me...
I only eat once per day, after coming back from work. I'm basically an empty skeleton that puts an smile in his dead face for 6 hours per day.
I lost my sexual urges. I don't feel desire, or any kind of will to do anything. I don't feel sexual frustration. I don't feel happiness or sadness anymore. I just feel lonely. I feel like I was never born, I feel like this "life" is just an hallucination. I write to people but they never answer. I try to take interest in their life's but they ignore me. It's like I'm offline. Nobody answers, and I'm not ever sure if they receiving my messages. Am I a physical being? Can I interact with the physical and social world around me?
I don't feel human. I can pretend to be a human, and most people pretend that I am too, at least while we're at work. But they know. I'm a failure, a bridge to nowhere that nobody asked for and everyone is waiting for it to collapse.
I don't know what I'm doing with my life. It's going nowhere. I've never feel this lost. If I killed myself today, what could be the reason? Do I need a reason, like humans?
Thanks for reading. Sorry for the pointless post. Sorry for my bad english.
I think I'm losing my sanity. I stopped taking LSD but sometimes I hear things and see things that are not there. I think I need some social interactions. Idk. I've read that extreme Isolation causes hallucinations. I wonder if I'm more isolated than a year ago. I feel absolutely lonely, thats for sure.
My life is just going to work, coming back, eat something, taking drugs to cope with loneliness and sleeping 4 or 5 hours, then repeat.
I spent the last whole weekend (like 18 hours per day) taking 3mmc (a drug that makes you happy for no reason, and makes you want to make things in the world) and playing league of legends. I don't like the game, and I didn't plan to play 40 hours in 2 days. I just did it, I don't know why. It's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be the opposite of having to go to work. I'm not even sure anymore. I'm scared of thinking about my absolutely pathetic life as a unlovable subhuman monster. I need to cope every hour, every minute, every second. I'm 29, and I FEEL it's going to be over soon. One day I will realize its over for me...
I only eat once per day, after coming back from work. I'm basically an empty skeleton that puts an smile in his dead face for 6 hours per day.
I lost my sexual urges. I don't feel desire, or any kind of will to do anything. I don't feel sexual frustration. I don't feel happiness or sadness anymore. I just feel lonely. I feel like I was never born, I feel like this "life" is just an hallucination. I write to people but they never answer. I try to take interest in their life's but they ignore me. It's like I'm offline. Nobody answers, and I'm not ever sure if they receiving my messages. Am I a physical being? Can I interact with the physical and social world around me?
I don't feel human. I can pretend to be a human, and most people pretend that I am too, at least while we're at work. But they know. I'm a failure, a bridge to nowhere that nobody asked for and everyone is waiting for it to collapse.
I don't know what I'm doing with my life. It's going nowhere. I've never feel this lost. If I killed myself today, what could be the reason? Do I need a reason, like humans?
Thanks for reading. Sorry for the pointless post. Sorry for my bad english.