Extreme Isolation

[IsolationHurts]

I don't know why I'm writing this tbh.
I think I'm losing my sanity. I stopped taking LSD but sometimes I hear things and see things that are not there. I think I need some social interactions. Idk. I've read that extreme Isolation causes hallucinations. I wonder if I'm more isolated than a year ago. I feel absolutely lonely, thats for sure.

My life is just going to work, coming back, eat something, taking drugs to cope with loneliness and sleeping 4 or 5 hours, then repeat.

I spent the last whole weekend (like 18 hours per day) taking 3mmc (a drug that makes you happy for no reason, and makes you want to make things in the world) and playing league of legends. I don't like the game, and I didn't plan to play 40 hours in 2 days. I just did it, I don't know why. It's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be the opposite of having to go to work. I'm not even sure anymore. I'm scared of thinking about my absolutely pathetic life as a unlovable subhuman monster. I need to cope every hour, every minute, every second. I'm 29, and I FEEL it's going to be over soon. One day I will realize its over for me...

I only eat once per day, after coming back from work. I'm basically an empty skeleton that puts an smile in his dead face for 6 hours per day.

I lost my sexual urges. I don't feel desire, or any kind of will to do anything. I don't feel sexual frustration. I don't feel happiness or sadness anymore. I just feel lonely. I feel like I was never born, I feel like this "life" is just an hallucination. I write to people but they never answer. I try to take interest in their life's but they ignore me. It's like I'm offline. Nobody answers, and I'm not ever sure if they receiving my messages. Am I a physical being? Can I interact with the physical and social world around me?

I don't feel human. I can pretend to be a human, and most people pretend that I am too, at least while we're at work. But they know. I'm a failure, a bridge to nowhere that nobody asked for and everyone is waiting for it to collapse.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. It's going nowhere. I've never feel this lost. If I killed myself today, what could be the reason? Do I need a reason, like humans?

Thanks for reading. Sorry for the pointless post. Sorry for my bad english.

 

[78980n]

Nice signature.

 

[BummerDrummerOG]

based fellow junkiecel

 

[Hail The Bloatlord]

OP, do you actually like your job?

 

[EyesAreSoCold]

Wouldn't you get a lot of social interaction as a high school teacher?

 

[Hail The Bloatlord]

Squarepusher btw

 

[IsolationHurts]

OP, do you actually like your job?

It's the only job I can get, and it's well paid. I try to not ask myself if I like it.

 

[Hail The Bloatlord]

It's the only job I can get, and it's well paid. I try to not ask myself if I like it.

when I was in a similar situation, I found out that hating my job was the cause of all the drug use, sleeplessness etc.
it was a foids' office

 

[IsolationHurts]

Nice signature.

Thanks lol

based fellow junkiecel

Good luck bro.

Wouldn't you get a lot of social interaction as a high school teacher?

Well... I offer a service, my job is not meeting people and having friends, but explaining things, correcting tests, etc. Also, I'm almost an actor, I just pretend to be NT and sociable. So, despite saying 'hi" and "bye" at the begining and the of each class, the rest of my social interaction happens only in one direction (i talk to them) and it's predefined (I don't talk about me or anything remotely related to me, but about philosophy).

 

[Mainländer]

No friends or family? None answer you?

 

[Romello Gaghan 2]

Rope

 

[ThouShallObeyKing]

I don't know why I'm writing this tbh.
I think I'm losing my sanity. I stopped taking LSD but sometimes I hear things and see things that are not there. I think I need some social interactions. Idk. I've read that extreme Isolation causes hallucinations. I wonder if I'm more isolated than a year ago. I feel absolutely lonely, thats for sure.

My life is just going to work, coming back, eat something, taking drugs to cope with loneliness and sleeping 4 or 5 hours, then repeat.

I spent the last whole weekend (like 18 hours per day) taking 3mmc (a drug that makes you happy for no reason, and makes you want to make things in the world) and playing league of legends. I don't like the game, and I didn't plan to play 40 hours in 2 days. I just did it, I don't know why. It's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be the opposite of having to go to work. I'm not even sure anymore. I'm scared of thinking about my absolutely pathetic life as a unlovable subhuman monster. I need to cope every hour, every minute, every second. I'm 29, and I FEEL it's going to be over soon. One day I will realize its over for me...

I only eat once per day, after coming back from work. I'm basically an empty skeleton that puts an smile in his dead face for 6 hours per day.

I lost my sexual urges. I don't feel desire, or any kind of will to do anything. I don't feel sexual frustration. I don't feel happiness or sadness anymore. I just feel lonely. I feel like I was never born, I feel like this "life" is just an hallucination. I write to people but they never answer. I try to take interest in their life's but they ignore me. It's like I'm offline. Nobody answers, and I'm not ever sure if they receiving my messages. Am I a physical being? Can I interact with the physical and social world around me?

I don't feel human. I can pretend to be a human, and most people pretend that I am too, at least while we're at work. But they know. I'm a failure, a bridge to nowhere that nobody asked for and everyone is waiting for it to collapse.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. It's going nowhere. I've never feel this lost. If I killed myself today, what could be the reason? Do I need a reason, like humans?

Thanks for reading. Sorry for the pointless post. Sorry for my bad english.

i was god of 3mmc dude lol i couldnt play League on it though due to adhd it induced. i just dmed random peoples on internet and began talking with them

 

[ihaveno1]

Isolation does indeed hurt

 

[Deleted member 16608]

did the 3mmc feel good at least? I too have your issues. So many of my "friends", I'll text them constantly. After months of no response I've been sending them random shit like "am I alive? are you dead?". it's fucked.

 

[IsolationHurts]

No friends or family? None answer you?

Hi dude!

Nope. Nobody. I have some "online friends" but we barely talk. I have this forum (with people like you) but I barely know most people here. And my parents hate me.

But, at least I have a community to come back, and you guys always answer. Thanks. Really. I would have went mad if this forum didn't exist.

Isolation does indeed hurt

Indeed.

i was god of 3mmc dude lol i couldnt play League on it though due to adhd it induced. i just dmed random peoples on internet and began talking with them

Well, at the beginning I could not even stay sit down lol. But when I finally discovered the right dosage... I could be taking 3mmc every 2 hours the rest of my life. It makes everything worth. It makes me happy, that's for sure. Happy as I've never been in my entire life. I genuinely enjoy doing things. It's probably a hellish experience compared with the experience of being a Chad for one second, I don't doubt about it. But, for me, it's heaven. WAY better than weed, PINACA or LSD.

And yes, I actually have the will to talk to other humans when in high. That's probably why I posted here lol. I'm usually so depressed that I can barely read anything posted , let alone participating .

did the 3mmc feel good at least? I too have your issues. So many of my "friends", I'll text them constantly. After months of no response I've been sending them random shit like "am I alive? are you dead?". it's fucked.

It feels VERY good. It's a shame that it makes impossible to sleep if you take too much.

Yeah... Even nowadays I try to talk to real people through my phone, sending them NT shit like "I've got nothing to do tonight, and I watched the film you recommended to me, it was an awesome film, can I invite you to a quick beer so we can talk about it?" But... I always get ignored.

Good luck bro.

 

[Deleted member 16624]

I'm enjoying it.