Everything is just so pointless.

[Deleted member 7448]

I don't even mean it in a nihilistic or philosophical way. I mean it in a mundane way - everything is just so pointless and tedious and boring.

Even when I find something remotely interesting - eventually the feeling of pointlessness sets in. Long rant:

Let me give you an example: I read 4 books in the past 7 days or so. They weren't great but I was bored and it was better than rewatching sitcoms the 50th time. Anyway, I start the 5th book and I'm just ... done. I can't read any more of this shit. So what do I do? I "finish" the rest of the books by reading summaries/spoilers. Now, do you know what this means? I just spent a fucking week's worth of my free time reading a series I didn't even bother finishing (and I picked it carefully for months, everything else would've been just as shit). I didn't even enjoy myself, I didn't even like the books that much and at points I was skipping paragraphs cause it was so boring. So I wasted a week, a very precious week since in a few months I'll have to start wageslaving so a week of free time will be something I'll never really have again, it will seem like nirvana, like a fucking treasure to me. A week wasted, not even enjoying the process and not even bothering to finish.

I used to read A LOT and I found it pointless back then too I guess. Cause I've thought this way for a long time: reading the summary gives you more or less the same thing. And after actually reading 4 fucking books, I end up just reading the summary anyway cause guess what, there's really little fucking difference. Cause everything is pointless and it boils down to a few basic things. Same as everything else in life, seems like once you boil things down in your mind, life loses its "spark". But once you start you can't stop.

Reading that you might have asked why I was telling you this. Because it's the perfect fucking example. Because for once, other than just rot and watch sitcoms and browse the internet, I decided to fucking do something else, to read. And even that turned out to be a huge fucking waste of time. AND THIS APPLIES TO EVERYTHING IN LIFE. Same with even serious shit in life. Like my fucking degrees, all these years wasted getting that shit, all for nothing, they're useless as fuck but I won't get into that right now. Everything in life is like this: a job - you work for years from dawn till dusk doing shit you don't like for barely any money. Years pass by and what do you have to show for it? Fuck all. Fucking pointless, everything is fucking pointless.

I've had so much free time in the past 7 or so years. And yet I didn't even enjoy myself, feels like I managed to waste it all. So every fucking activity is pointless, can't even have fun cause nothing is fun either. Haven't even enjoyed games in years. Every game I've ever played felt like a grind, a rush to just fucking finish. And you finish and it's over, you didn't really have fun, you just pointlessly wasted time doing pointless shit you hate just to finish. Most of the time I don't even finish, so it feels like I put 40 hours into something for no fucking reason at all, leaving it unfinished. Not that finishing it matters. Sometimes I feel like I'm literally retarded because I find myself wasting many hours every day on pointless shit. Like mentally twiddling your thumbs. For example I search for games to play for hours every day, yet I don't play anything. Or how I installed, uninstalled, and reinstall some games like 100 times. Literally. Playing it for a few minutes or hours, then wiping the progress by uninstalling and then starting over.

I guess there's a reason why I've spent so many years just browsing the internet, lying in my bed all day long and rewatching the same sitcoms. Because that's pointless too, but it's comfy and it doesn't take energy, and it's stimulating enough. So I did that instead of anything else, everything else being just as fucking pointless but it just drains more energy and isn't as comfy. It really is my biggest wish to find something that I could pour my time into that wouldn't feel pointless.

Edit: I think I might actually have been like this since I was a kid, even before my depression started ~12 years ago. My brain was always like this. Guess this is why I always did pointless things I didn't even enjoy, for hours and hours. Cause everything else was just as pointless. So I'd waste time hating playing a game, like Runescape or WoW, I'd hate it but I'd do it cause everything else is pointless too, but feels like much more of a chore and a drain of energy, not being nearly as comfy. I guess somebody else would say "well, if everything is pointless, at least invest effort into your life so it would feel better". But the thing is, nothing in life works like that. You work and you work and you end up not far from where you've started. The cost-benefit analysis is very skewed towards it being better to just be comfy in the moment than to work hard and be comfier later. Because you're never actually much comfier, you just end up working like a dog and it never stops and you're still barely better off.

Edit 2: Holy shit, I made a thread on reddit asking for suggestions for a fantasy book that's quick and to the point, that I won't end up just wanting to read the summary of. And I shit you not the only book I got recommended was the exact fucking one I dropped and read the summary of because it was so fucking boring to me and long-winded and full of pointless shit. Apparently it's well-known for being the opposite of what I thought of it. My brain must be mush or what the fuck.

 

[Lebensmüder]

I don't even mean it in a nihilistic or philosophical way. I mean it in a mundane way - everything is just so pointless and tedious and boring.

Even when I find something remotely interesting - eventually the feeling of pointlessness sets in. Long rant:

Let me give you an example: I read 4 books in the past 7 days or so. They weren't great but I was bored and it was better than rewatching sitcoms the 50th time. Anyway, I start the 5th book and I'm just ... done. I can't read any more of this shit. So what do I do? I "finish" the rest of the books by reading summaries/spoilers. Now, do you know what this means? I just spent a fucking week's worth of my free time reading a series I didn't even bother finishing. I didn't even enjoy myself, I didn't even like the books that much and at points I was skipping paragraphs cause it was so boring. So I wasted a week, a very precious week since in a few months I'll have to start wageslaving so a week of free time will be something I'll never really have again, it will seem like nirvana, like a fucking treasure to me. A week wasted, not even enjoying the process and not even bothering to finish.

Reading that you might have asked why I was telling you this. Because it's the perfect fucking example. Because for once, other than just rot and watch sitcoms and browse the internet, I decided to fucking do something else, to read. And even that turned out to be a huge fucking waste of time. AND THIS APPLIES TO EVERYTHING IN LIFE. Same with even serious shit in life. Like my fucking degrees, all these years wasted getting that shit, all for nothing, they're useless as fuck but I won't get into that right now. Everything in life is like this: a job - you work for years from dawn till dusk doing shit you don't like for barely any money. Years pass by and what do you have to show for it? Fuck all. Fucking pointless, everything is fucking pointless.

I've had so much free time in the past 7 or so years. And yet I didn't even enjoy myself, feels like I managed to waste it all. So every fucking activity is pointless, can't even have fun cause nothing is fun either. Haven't even enjoyed games in years. Every game I've ever played felt like a grind, a rush to just fucking finish. And you finish and it's over, you didn't really have fun, you just pointlessly wasted time doing pointless shit you hate just to finish. Most of the time I don't even finish, so it feels like I put 40 hours into something for no fucking reason at all, leaving it unfinished. Not that finishing it matters. Sometimes I feel like I'm literally retarded because I find myself wasting many hours every day on pointless shit. Like mentally twiddling your thumbs. For example I search for games to play for hours every day, yet I don't play anything. Or how I installed, uninstalled, and reinstall some games like 100 times. Literally. Playing it for a few minutes or hours, then wiping the progress by uninstalling and then starting over.

I guess there's a reason why I've spent so many years just browsing the internet, lying in my bed all day long and rewatching the same sitcoms. Because that's pointless too, but it's comfy and it doesn't take energy, and it's stimulating enough. So I did that instead of anything else, everything else being just as fucking pointless but it just drains more energy and isn't as comfy. It really is my biggest wish to find something that I could pour my time into that wouldn't feel pointless.

Everything of that applies to me as well. I cannot finish stuff, I skip paragraphs in books, I download games only to uninstall them. Can completely relate to this, especially the feeling of passing time and knowing that there is absolutely nothing worthwile you did with it. A few days ago I wanted to learn Numpy (Matplotlib in general) on my own, but now I haven't even installed them yet. I also always forget the most important aspects (e.g. making a discussion with a potential employer about the subject matter and completely forgetting about asking for the important dates). With these threads it's always as if someone held a mirror to me.

 

[Jungle]

that’s the depression slipping in brocel

 

[Deleted member 7448]

Everything of that applies to me as well. I cannot finish stuff, I skip paragraphs in books, I download games only to uninstall them. Can completely relate to this, especially the feeling of passing time and knowing that there is absolutely nothing worthwile you did with it. A few days ago I wanted to learn Numpy (Matplotlib in general) on my own, but now I haven't even installed them yet. I also always forget the most important aspects (e.g. making a discussion with a potential employer about the subject matter and completely forgetting about asking for the important dates). With these threads it's always as if someone held a mirror to me.

But people that aren't like this don't understand at all. They can say all kinds of shit, "look at how vast the world is, so many things to do"! Or they tell you to actually try different things, to force yourself to stick with it. I've heard it all, so many things that they could say. But they don't understand, they don't understand that we've though about this all and actually been through it. We're like this because nothing else is worth it to us, rotting is pointless and stupid but everything else is just as pointless but at least rotting doesn't take energy and is a lot comfier, and the end result is the same.

that’s the depression slipping in brocel

Been depressed for more than 12 years, it's my baseline. It's warped my brain, I grew up depressed so I don't know anything else, I tried to force my brain to see things differently but it can't.

 

[grondilu]

taedium vitae

"Hence arises that weariness and dissatisfaction with oneself, that tossing to and fro of a mind which can nowhere find rest, that unhappy and unwilling endurance of enforced leisure. In all cases where one feels ashamed to confess the real cause of one's suffering, and where modesty leads one to drive one's sufferings inward, the desires pent up in a little space without any vent choke one another. Hence comes melancholy and drooping of spirit, and a thousand waverings of the unsteadfast mind, which is held in suspense by unfulfilled hopes, and saddened by disappointed ones: hence comes the state of mind of those who loathe their idleness, complain that they have nothing to do, and view the progress of others with the bitterest jealousy: for an unhappy sloth favours the growth of envy, and men who cannot succeed themselves wish everyone else to be ruined."

Of Peace of Mind - Wikisource, the free online library

en.wikisource.org

 

[Deleted member 10124]

Completely relatable

 

[Hector Barbossa]

I feel your boredom with life in general as well. I can relate to a lot of that, I have so much damn free time and all I really do is watch cartoons. I can't focus on even playing video games, let alone read a book. For a lot of my "hobbies", I rarely have the energy to engage in them anymore.

 

[Jungle]

I feel your boredom with life in general as well. I can relate to a lot of that, I have so much damn free time and all I really do is watch cartoons. I can't focus on even playing video games, let alone read a book. For a lot of my "hobbies", I rarely have the energy to engage in them anymore.

 

[grondilu]

I think it's pretty simple. If there is something you really want, and for us what we want is pretty clear, then any activity that doesn't seem to bring you closer to that goal seems dumb and pointless.

 

[Deleted member 22685]

Or how I installed, uninstalled, and reinstall some games like 100 times. Literally. Playing it for a few minutes or hours, then wiping the progress by uninstalling and then starting over.

I think the key to playing games when you have seen all have to offer is to immerse yourself in them, like delusion levels of immersion.
That's how i attempt to stay sane anyway: When i start reading a book/games lore or when i start playing the game, i let go of everything in this universe and forget about my life, i focus entirely on me being the character and going on a wild adventure and i just let my imagination run wild. I take the game with 100% seriousness as if i was there for real. As i said this is very delusional and narcissistic perhaps even but..what else am i supposed to do with my day? It's been working so far and i intend to milk this technique for as long as it will last.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

I feel your boredom with life in general as well. I can relate to a lot of that, I have so much damn free time and all I really do is watch cartoons. I can't focus on even playing video games, let alone read a book. For a lot of my "hobbies", I rarely have the energy to engage in them anymore.

I'm starting to think that it's not that we don't have energy for it (although it feels like I barely have energy to get out of bed, much less do anything else). It's that everything is so pointless and boring, that the expenditure of energy feels utterly meaningless. Why spend energy and be uncomfortable AND not even enjoy it, when I could just lie in bed browsing and rewatching the same sitcom I've 50 times?

I think it's pretty simple. If there is something you really want, and for us what we want is pretty clear, then any activity that doesn't seem to bring you closer to that goal seems dumb and pointless.

To be honest I don't even want sex that much, nor a girlfriend/wife. It's not the primary source of my misery, idk what is, I guess misery and depression became baseline long ago, the reason being forgotten.

I think the key to playing games when you have seen all have to offer is to immerse yourself in them, like delusion levels of immersion.
That's how i attempt to stay sane anyway: When i start reading a book/games lore or when i start playing the game, i let go of everything in this universe and forget about my life, i focus entirely on me being the character and going on a wild adventure and i just let my imagination run wild. I take the game with 100% seriousness as if i was there for real. As i said this is very delusional and narcissistic perhaps even but..what else am i supposed to do with my day? It's been working so far and i intend to milk this technique for as long as it will last.

Haha, I'm great it's working for you mate. What games have you really enjoyed by doing that?

 

[Selinity]

I don't even mean it in a nihilistic or philosophical way. I mean it in a mundane way - everything is just so pointless and tedious and boring.

Even when I find something remotely interesting - eventually the feeling of pointlessness sets in. Long rant:

Let me give you an example: I read 4 books in the past 7 days or so. They weren't great but I was bored and it was better than rewatching sitcoms the 50th time. Anyway, I start the 5th book and I'm just ... done. I can't read any more of this shit. So what do I do? I "finish" the rest of the books by reading summaries/spoilers. Now, do you know what this means? I just spent a fucking week's worth of my free time reading a series I didn't even bother finishing (and I picked it carefully for months, everything else would've been just as shit). I didn't even enjoy myself, I didn't even like the books that much and at points I was skipping paragraphs cause it was so boring. So I wasted a week, a very precious week since in a few months I'll have to start wageslaving so a week of free time will be something I'll never really have again, it will seem like nirvana, like a fucking treasure to me. A week wasted, not even enjoying the process and not even bothering to finish.

I used to read A LOT and I found it pointless back then too I guess. Cause I've thought this way for a long time: reading the summary gives you more or less the same thing. And after actually reading 4 fucking books, I end up just reading the summary anyway cause guess what, there's really little fucking difference. Cause everything is pointless and it boils down to a few basic things. Same as everything else in life, seems like once you boil things down in your mind, life loses its "spark". But once you start you can't stop.

Reading that you might have asked why I was telling you this. Because it's the perfect fucking example. Because for once, other than just rot and watch sitcoms and browse the internet, I decided to fucking do something else, to read. And even that turned out to be a huge fucking waste of time. AND THIS APPLIES TO EVERYTHING IN LIFE. Same with even serious shit in life. Like my fucking degrees, all these years wasted getting that shit, all for nothing, they're useless as fuck but I won't get into that right now. Everything in life is like this: a job - you work for years from dawn till dusk doing shit you don't like for barely any money. Years pass by and what do you have to show for it? Fuck all. Fucking pointless, everything is fucking pointless.

I've had so much free time in the past 7 or so years. And yet I didn't even enjoy myself, feels like I managed to waste it all. So every fucking activity is pointless, can't even have fun cause nothing is fun either. Haven't even enjoyed games in years. Every game I've ever played felt like a grind, a rush to just fucking finish. And you finish and it's over, you didn't really have fun, you just pointlessly wasted time doing pointless shit you hate just to finish. Most of the time I don't even finish, so it feels like I put 40 hours into something for no fucking reason at all, leaving it unfinished. Not that finishing it matters. Sometimes I feel like I'm literally retarded because I find myself wasting many hours every day on pointless shit. Like mentally twiddling your thumbs. For example I search for games to play for hours every day, yet I don't play anything. Or how I installed, uninstalled, and reinstall some games like 100 times. Literally. Playing it for a few minutes or hours, then wiping the progress by uninstalling and then starting over.

I guess there's a reason why I've spent so many years just browsing the internet, lying in my bed all day long and rewatching the same sitcoms. Because that's pointless too, but it's comfy and it doesn't take energy, and it's stimulating enough. So I did that instead of anything else, everything else being just as fucking pointless but it just drains more energy and isn't as comfy. It really is my biggest wish to find something that I could pour my time into that wouldn't feel pointless.

Edit: I think I might actually have been like this since I was a kid, even before my depression started ~12 years ago. My brain was always like this. Guess this is why I always did pointless things I didn't even enjoy, for hours and hours. Cause everything else was just as pointless. So I'd waste time hating playing a game, like Runescape or WoW, I'd hate it but I'd do it cause everything else is pointless too, but feels like much more of a chore and a drain of energy, not being nearly as comfy. I guess somebody else would say "well, if everything is pointless, at least invest effort into your life so it would feel better". But the thing is, nothing in life works like that. You work and you work and you end up not far from where you've started. The cost-benefit analysis is very skewed towards it being better to just be comfy in the moment than to work hard and be comfier later. Because you're never actually much comfier, you just end up working like a dog and it never stops and you're still barely better off.

Edit 2: Holy shit, I made a thread on reddit asking for suggestions for a fantasy book that's quick and to the point, that I won't end up just wanting to read the summary of. And I shit you not the only book I got recommended was the exact fucking one I dropped and read the summary of because it was so fucking boring to me and long-winded and full of pointless shit. Apparently it's well-known for being the opposite of what I thought of it. My brain must be mush or what the fuck.

Wow, I guess this means I haven't completely tipped off the deep-end yet. I hope wage-slaving isn't too rough on you. Good luck

 

[Deleted member 7448]

Wow, I guess this means I haven't completely tipped off the deep-end yet. I hope wage-slaving isn't too rough on you. Good luck

Thanks mate, though I'd rather be tortured than to have to wageslave (especially for the peanuts that I'll be paid). I hope you don't tip off and live a happy, normal life.

 

[Copexodius Maximus]

Time to psychedelic maxxx then

 

[Deleted member 27161]

Completely relatable

 

[Deleted member 23712]

I don't even mean it in a nihilistic or philosophical way. I mean it in a mundane way - everything is just so pointless and tedious and boring.

Even when I find something remotely interesting - eventually the feeling of pointlessness sets in. Long rant:

Let me give you an example: I read 4 books in the past 7 days or so. They weren't great but I was bored and it was better than rewatching sitcoms the 50th time. Anyway, I start the 5th book and I'm just ... done. I can't read any more of this shit. So what do I do? I "finish" the rest of the books by reading summaries/spoilers. Now, do you know what this means? I just spent a fucking week's worth of my free time reading a series I didn't even bother finishing (and I picked it carefully for months, everything else would've been just as shit). I didn't even enjoy myself, I didn't even like the books that much and at points I was skipping paragraphs cause it was so boring. So I wasted a week, a very precious week since in a few months I'll have to start wageslaving so a week of free time will be something I'll never really have again, it will seem like nirvana, like a fucking treasure to me. A week wasted, not even enjoying the process and not even bothering to finish.

I used to read A LOT and I found it pointless back then too I guess. Cause I've thought this way for a long time: reading the summary gives you more or less the same thing. And after actually reading 4 fucking books, I end up just reading the summary anyway cause guess what, there's really little fucking difference. Cause everything is pointless and it boils down to a few basic things. Same as everything else in life, seems like once you boil things down in your mind, life loses its "spark". But once you start you can't stop.

Reading that you might have asked why I was telling you this. Because it's the perfect fucking example. Because for once, other than just rot and watch sitcoms and browse the internet, I decided to fucking do something else, to read. And even that turned out to be a huge fucking waste of time. AND THIS APPLIES TO EVERYTHING IN LIFE. Same with even serious shit in life. Like my fucking degrees, all these years wasted getting that shit, all for nothing, they're useless as fuck but I won't get into that right now. Everything in life is like this: a job - you work for years from dawn till dusk doing shit you don't like for barely any money. Years pass by and what do you have to show for it? Fuck all. Fucking pointless, everything is fucking pointless.

I've had so much free time in the past 7 or so years. And yet I didn't even enjoy myself, feels like I managed to waste it all. So every fucking activity is pointless, can't even have fun cause nothing is fun either. Haven't even enjoyed games in years. Every game I've ever played felt like a grind, a rush to just fucking finish. And you finish and it's over, you didn't really have fun, you just pointlessly wasted time doing pointless shit you hate just to finish. Most of the time I don't even finish, so it feels like I put 40 hours into something for no fucking reason at all, leaving it unfinished. Not that finishing it matters. Sometimes I feel like I'm literally retarded because I find myself wasting many hours every day on pointless shit. Like mentally twiddling your thumbs. For example I search for games to play for hours every day, yet I don't play anything. Or how I installed, uninstalled, and reinstall some games like 100 times. Literally. Playing it for a few minutes or hours, then wiping the progress by uninstalling and then starting over.

I guess there's a reason why I've spent so many years just browsing the internet, lying in my bed all day long and rewatching the same sitcoms. Because that's pointless too, but it's comfy and it doesn't take energy, and it's stimulating enough. So I did that instead of anything else, everything else being just as fucking pointless but it just drains more energy and isn't as comfy. It really is my biggest wish to find something that I could pour my time into that wouldn't feel pointless.

Edit: I think I might actually have been like this since I was a kid, even before my depression started ~12 years ago. My brain was always like this. Guess this is why I always did pointless things I didn't even enjoy, for hours and hours. Cause everything else was just as pointless. So I'd waste time hating playing a game, like Runescape or WoW, I'd hate it but I'd do it cause everything else is pointless too, but feels like much more of a chore and a drain of energy, not being nearly as comfy. I guess somebody else would say "well, if everything is pointless, at least invest effort into your life so it would feel better". But the thing is, nothing in life works like that. You work and you work and you end up not far from where you've started. The cost-benefit analysis is very skewed towards it being better to just be comfy in the moment than to work hard and be comfier later. Because you're never actually much comfier, you just end up working like a dog and it never stops and you're still barely better off.

Edit 2: Holy shit, I made a thread on reddit asking for suggestions for a fantasy book that's quick and to the point, that I won't end up just wanting to read the summary of. And I shit you not the only book I got recommended was the exact fucking one I dropped and read the summary of because it was so fucking boring to me and long-winded and full of pointless shit. Apparently it's well-known for being the opposite of what I thought of it. My brain must be mush or what the fuck.

That’s so damn brutal dude

 

[Deleted member 27161]

That’s so damn brutal dude

 

[your personality]

Life is boring at best when you are an incel tbhngl

 

[Cope_Time]

I don't even mean it in a nihilistic or philosophical way. I mean it in a mundane way - everything is just so pointless and tedious and boring.

Even when I find something remotely interesting - eventually the feeling of pointlessness sets in. Long rant:

Let me give you an example: I read 4 books in the past 7 days or so. They weren't great but I was bored and it was better than rewatching sitcoms the 50th time. Anyway, I start the 5th book and I'm just ... done. I can't read any more of this shit. So what do I do? I "finish" the rest of the books by reading summaries/spoilers. Now, do you know what this means? I just spent a fucking week's worth of my free time reading a series I didn't even bother finishing (and I picked it carefully for months, everything else would've been just as shit). I didn't even enjoy myself, I didn't even like the books that much and at points I was skipping paragraphs cause it was so boring. So I wasted a week, a very precious week since in a few months I'll have to start wageslaving so a week of free time will be something I'll never really have again, it will seem like nirvana, like a fucking treasure to me. A week wasted, not even enjoying the process and not even bothering to finish.

I used to read A LOT and I found it pointless back then too I guess. Cause I've thought this way for a long time: reading the summary gives you more or less the same thing. And after actually reading 4 fucking books, I end up just reading the summary anyway cause guess what, there's really little fucking difference. Cause everything is pointless and it boils down to a few basic things. Same as everything else in life, seems like once you boil things down in your mind, life loses its "spark". But once you start you can't stop.

Reading that you might have asked why I was telling you this. Because it's the perfect fucking example. Because for once, other than just rot and watch sitcoms and browse the internet, I decided to fucking do something else, to read. And even that turned out to be a huge fucking waste of time. AND THIS APPLIES TO EVERYTHING IN LIFE. Same with even serious shit in life. Like my fucking degrees, all these years wasted getting that shit, all for nothing, they're useless as fuck but I won't get into that right now. Everything in life is like this: a job - you work for years from dawn till dusk doing shit you don't like for barely any money. Years pass by and what do you have to show for it? Fuck all. Fucking pointless, everything is fucking pointless.

I've had so much free time in the past 7 or so years. And yet I didn't even enjoy myself, feels like I managed to waste it all. So every fucking activity is pointless, can't even have fun cause nothing is fun either. Haven't even enjoyed games in years. Every game I've ever played felt like a grind, a rush to just fucking finish. And you finish and it's over, you didn't really have fun, you just pointlessly wasted time doing pointless shit you hate just to finish. Most of the time I don't even finish, so it feels like I put 40 hours into something for no fucking reason at all, leaving it unfinished. Not that finishing it matters. Sometimes I feel like I'm literally retarded because I find myself wasting many hours every day on pointless shit. Like mentally twiddling your thumbs. For example I search for games to play for hours every day, yet I don't play anything. Or how I installed, uninstalled, and reinstall some games like 100 times. Literally. Playing it for a few minutes or hours, then wiping the progress by uninstalling and then starting over.

I guess there's a reason why I've spent so many years just browsing the internet, lying in my bed all day long and rewatching the same sitcoms. Because that's pointless too, but it's comfy and it doesn't take energy, and it's stimulating enough. So I did that instead of anything else, everything else being just as fucking pointless but it just drains more energy and isn't as comfy. It really is my biggest wish to find something that I could pour my time into that wouldn't feel pointless.

Edit: I think I might actually have been like this since I was a kid, even before my depression started ~12 years ago. My brain was always like this. Guess this is why I always did pointless things I didn't even enjoy, for hours and hours. Cause everything else was just as pointless. So I'd waste time hating playing a game, like Runescape or WoW, I'd hate it but I'd do it cause everything else is pointless too, but feels like much more of a chore and a drain of energy, not being nearly as comfy. I guess somebody else would say "well, if everything is pointless, at least invest effort into your life so it would feel better". But the thing is, nothing in life works like that. You work and you work and you end up not far from where you've started. The cost-benefit analysis is very skewed towards it being better to just be comfy in the moment than to work hard and be comfier later. Because you're never actually much comfier, you just end up working like a dog and it never stops and you're still barely better off.

Edit 2: Holy shit, I made a thread on reddit asking for suggestions for a fantasy book that's quick and to the point, that I won't end up just wanting to read the summary of. And I shit you not the only book I got recommended was the exact fucking one I dropped and read the summary of because it was so fucking boring to me and long-winded and full of pointless shit. Apparently it's well-known for being the opposite of what I thought of it. My brain must be mush or what the fuck.

Can relate, my brain is piece of shit.
What about posting in .co, it's one of things that I enjoy these day, I visit here like nearly everyday.

 

[InMyCellInHell]

Same. My brain and motivation have atrophied to the point of uselessness. It's just work - rot - sleep, repeat.

 

[Deleted member 23634]

would your life still be pointless if you had a gf?

 

[mänline]

I don't even mean it in a nihilistic or philosophical way. I mean it in a mundane way - everything is just so pointless and tedious and boring.

Even when I find something remotely interesting - eventually the feeling of pointlessness sets in. Long rant:

Let me give you an example: I read 4 books in the past 7 days or so. They weren't great but I was bored and it was better than rewatching sitcoms the 50th time. Anyway, I start the 5th book and I'm just ... done. I can't read any more of this shit. So what do I do? I "finish" the rest of the books by reading summaries/spoilers. Now, do you know what this means? I just spent a fucking week's worth of my free time reading a series I didn't even bother finishing (and I picked it carefully for months, everything else would've been just as shit). I didn't even enjoy myself, I didn't even like the books that much and at points I was skipping paragraphs cause it was so boring. So I wasted a week, a very precious week since in a few months I'll have to start wageslaving so a week of free time will be something I'll never really have again, it will seem like nirvana, like a fucking treasure to me. A week wasted, not even enjoying the process and not even bothering to finish.

I used to read A LOT and I found it pointless back then too I guess. Cause I've thought this way for a long time: reading the summary gives you more or less the same thing. And after actually reading 4 fucking books, I end up just reading the summary anyway cause guess what, there's really little fucking difference. Cause everything is pointless and it boils down to a few basic things. Same as everything else in life, seems like once you boil things down in your mind, life loses its "spark". But once you start you can't stop.

Reading that you might have asked why I was telling you this. Because it's the perfect fucking example. Because for once, other than just rot and watch sitcoms and browse the internet, I decided to fucking do something else, to read. And even that turned out to be a huge fucking waste of time. AND THIS APPLIES TO EVERYTHING IN LIFE. Same with even serious shit in life. Like my fucking degrees, all these years wasted getting that shit, all for nothing, they're useless as fuck but I won't get into that right now. Everything in life is like this: a job - you work for years from dawn till dusk doing shit you don't like for barely any money. Years pass by and what do you have to show for it? Fuck all. Fucking pointless, everything is fucking pointless.

I've had so much free time in the past 7 or so years. And yet I didn't even enjoy myself, feels like I managed to waste it all. So every fucking activity is pointless, can't even have fun cause nothing is fun either. Haven't even enjoyed games in years. Every game I've ever played felt like a grind, a rush to just fucking finish. And you finish and it's over, you didn't really have fun, you just pointlessly wasted time doing pointless shit you hate just to finish. Most of the time I don't even finish, so it feels like I put 40 hours into something for no fucking reason at all, leaving it unfinished. Not that finishing it matters. Sometimes I feel like I'm literally retarded because I find myself wasting many hours every day on pointless shit. Like mentally twiddling your thumbs. For example I search for games to play for hours every day, yet I don't play anything. Or how I installed, uninstalled, and reinstall some games like 100 times. Literally. Playing it for a few minutes or hours, then wiping the progress by uninstalling and then starting over.

I guess there's a reason why I've spent so many years just browsing the internet, lying in my bed all day long and rewatching the same sitcoms. Because that's pointless too, but it's comfy and it doesn't take energy, and it's stimulating enough. So I did that instead of anything else, everything else being just as fucking pointless but it just drains more energy and isn't as comfy. It really is my biggest wish to find something that I could pour my time into that wouldn't feel pointless.

Edit: I think I might actually have been like this since I was a kid, even before my depression started ~12 years ago. My brain was always like this. Guess this is why I always did pointless things I didn't even enjoy, for hours and hours. Cause everything else was just as pointless. So I'd waste time hating playing a game, like Runescape or WoW, I'd hate it but I'd do it cause everything else is pointless too, but feels like much more of a chore and a drain of energy, not being nearly as comfy. I guess somebody else would say "well, if everything is pointless, at least invest effort into your life so it would feel better". But the thing is, nothing in life works like that. You work and you work and you end up not far from where you've started. The cost-benefit analysis is very skewed towards it being better to just be comfy in the moment than to work hard and be comfier later. Because you're never actually much comfier, you just end up working like a dog and it never stops and you're still barely better off.

Edit 2: Holy shit, I made a thread on reddit asking for suggestions for a fantasy book that's quick and to the point, that I won't end up just wanting to read the summary of. And I shit you not the only book I got recommended was the exact fucking one I dropped and read the summary of because it was so fucking boring to me and long-winded and full of pointless shit. Apparently it's well-known for being the opposite of what I thought of it. My brain must be mush or what the fuck.

Everything is so strenuous to do, like reading a book. Everything feels grey and grey and pointless. I can't imagine having a wife currently. Can you relate to anhedonia? Funnily the only thing I currently can do and enjoy a bit is tidying my room. This is the advantage of anhedonia, things who would be a distraction (for me the most worldly things are) are not really an interesting thing to do. I can laugh at comedy and stuff for a short while, and reading a book for 2-3 pages, but than my brain goes in shutdown mode I think.
A degree of, especially social anhedonia, I had my whole life. I don't get why people come together and "have fun" or go swimming in summer.

Everything of that applies to me as well. I cannot finish stuff, I skip paragraphs in books, I download games only to uninstall them. Can completely relate to this, especially the feeling of passing time and knowing that there is absolutely nothing worthwile you did with it. A few days ago I wanted to learn Numpy (Matplotlib in general) on my own, but now I haven't even installed them yet. I also always forget the most important aspects (e.g. making a discussion with a potential employer about the subject matter and completely forgetting about asking for the important dates). With these threads it's always as if someone held a mirror to me.

Also anhedonia I guess.

 

[shepherdcel]

@anon1822

 

[Deleted member 7448]

@anon1822

View attachment 394253

Feels like I read that, is that from the Unabomber manifesto?

 

[shepherdcel]

Feels like I read that, is that from the Unabomber manifesto?

The greatest incel manifesto imo.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

View attachment 394255
The greatest incel manifesto imo.

Yep, he makes great points. I really think life would be much more peaceful, happy and fulfilling within an anarcho primitivist system. But it's too unrealistic unfortunately, would never happen at a state level, at best some hippy community could be like that. Ehh, whatever, haven't thought about that stuff in years, nowadays I don't have the energy to contemplate such things.

 

[BecomeTheNew]

would your life still be pointless if you had a gf?

yes. but he'd be too high on positive hormones to give a shit or think about it. that's the secret to a "meaningful" life

Yep, he makes great points. I really think life would be much more peaceful, happy and fulfilling within an anarcho primitivist system.

how the fuck would that in any way make anything better for anyone
based for immediately recognizing the unabomber manifesto though lmao