SuicideFuel Everything I look at is SuicideFuel.

[ColdLightOfDay]

Some days my only interpretation of anything within my sensual field, whether sight, sound, taste or smell is a manifestation of suicide fuel. It’s as if anything I do, be it making a coffee, lighting a cigarette or staring out the window simultaneously engages the pain pathways in my brain and leaves me destitute. I am reminded of horrific and humiliating events in my past through actions that have nothing to do with them, a nondescript taste or smell can initiate a form of deja vu in which I am forced to relive past failures as if they are unfolding in the present. I think my brain is just so wired to suffer at this point that any stimulation it receives, be it pleasurable or not manifests as some form of suffering. Anyone else experience this?

 

[Player]

I have embraced constant suffering. The trick is just not to think about yourself as about human being.

 

[Deleted member 15752]

Sad shit, man.

 

[Deleted member 17419]

All the time.

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

I have embraced constant suffering. The trick is just not to think about yourself as about human being.

You’re right, and the death of ego plays a role in that. It’s just so hard to navigate through life whilst maintaining an artificially sustained perspective like that, humanity always seems to seep through and catch me off guard.

 

[Deleted member 11032]

Some days my only interpretation of anything within my sensual field, whether sight, sound, taste or smell is a manifestation of suicide fuel. It’s as if anything I do, be it making a coffee, lighting a cigarette or staring out the window simultaneously engages the pain pathways in my brain and leaves me destitute. I am reminded of horrific and humiliating events in my past through actions that have nothing to do with them, a nondescript taste or smell can initiate a form of deja vu in which I am forced to relive past failures as if they are unfolding in the present. I think my brain is just so wired to suffer at this point that any stimulation it receives, be it pleasurable or not manifests as some form of suffering. Anyone else experience this?

Can you pinpoint a time in your life when you were happy?

 

[Mystic]

I have embraced constant suffering. The trick is just not to think about yourself as about human being.

Very true

I am reminded of horrific and humiliating events in my past through actions that have nothing to do with them, a nondescript taste or smell can initiate a form of deja vu in which I am forced to relive past failures as if they are unfolding in the present. . Anyone else experience this?

I am tormented by this

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

Can you pinpoint a time in your life when you were happy?

During my childhood I was for the most part happy, though I didn’t know it yet as I didn’t have a reference point. Between the ages 13-16 were the greatest of my life, I was truly excited to wake up every day at this point even though I was going to school, insane in comparison to 17-now in my 20s which has been a living hell.

 

[Deleted member 11032]

During my childhood I was for the most part happy, though I didn’t know it yet as I didn’t have a reference point. Between the ages 13-16 were the greatest of my life, I was truly excited to wake up every day at this point even though I was going to school, insane in comparison to 17-now in my 20s which has been a living hell.

So what was the significant life event at 17 which changed your perspective?

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

So what was the significant life event at 17 which changed your perspective?

A medical mistake from a negligent doctor caused me to lose my looks. I can’t say exactly what happened for fear of being doxxed but I can say the drop in quality of life was horrific.

 

[Deleted member 11032]

A medical mistake from a negligent doctor caused me to lose my looks. I can’t say exactly what happened for fear of being doxxed but I can say the drop in quality of life was horrific.

I'm in a similar situation. Can it be rectified?

 

[quinn24]

i cannot even watch anime etc. without it being suifuel

it is not my reality, it is drawings

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

I'm in a similar situation. Can it be rectified?

There are some experimental therapies with which I have a very slim chance, but it is still a chance, it’s what keeps me going tbh, without that prospect I’d have roped already. Can your situation be helped?

 

[Dionysus]

hopefully seeing this comment isnt suicidefuel

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

hopefully seeing this comment isnt suicidefuel

It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back, time for the rope.

 

[Incline]

Yes, how do I fix it?

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

Yes, how do I fix it?

If I knew I’d tell you. I think ego death and nihilism are the only way. As someone said earlier try to view yourself as merely a vessel of consciousness rather than a human.

 

[Incline]

If I knew I’d tell you. I think ego death and nihilism are the only way. As someone said earlier try to view yourself as merely a vessel of consciousness rather than a human.

All of this is bullshit if you can't actually embrace it. Yeah great I can think of myself whatever but whenever it comes to social situations I just revert to my former betaself and nothing I tried changes this.

I will I will just drugmaxx for real bro, maybe it will fuck up my personality good.

How do I alter my personality? How do I fuck it up without all the negative health effects? I think I will take DMT or something like that. Any personality will be better than what I have now.

 

[TheReaper]

Congrats.
you won the incel.co depression award.

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

All of this is bullshit if you can't actually embrace it. Yeah great I can think of myself whatever but whenever it comes to social situations I just revert to my former betaself and nothing I tried changes this.

I will I will just drugmaxx for real bro, maybe it will fuck up my personality good.

How do I alter my personality? How do I fuck it up without all the negative health effects? I think I will take DMT or something like that. Any personality will be better than what I have now.

You have to low-inhibmax. I am fine in social situations, I just have very little desire to speak to people, you really have to meditate on the fact that whatever they think of you is set in stone and nothing you can do / say will ever change that.

Try to imagine that free-will doesn’t exist (it actually doesn’t btw) neither yours nor theirs, you are both just mindless robots meaninglessly interacting with one another, whatever you think of each other or say to each other is just a meaningless, pre-scripted exchange of useless information that doesn’t need to have any bearing on your life or mood.

Congrats.
you won the incel.co depression award.

Finally, now I can die in peace.

 

[StaroRavager]

I can relate, I’m drowning in suicidefuel every day

 

[Deleted member 11032]

There are some experimental therapies with which I have a very slim chance, but it is still a chance, it’s what keeps me going tbh, without that prospect I’d have roped already. Can your situation be helped?

Hard to say. Agepill is destroying me too.

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

Hard to say. Agepill is destroying me too.

What age did you become afflicted? Did you have a normal life before?