There must be something inherently wrong with me. I have seen this cycle of hatred towards me repeated throughout my life so many times. It always follows the same pattern. I make new friends or acquaintances. We are on good terms at first but slowly it starts to disintegrate. Normally, it would end here. We would just go our separate ways and usually that's what happens but sometimes its not possible for example if the person who grows to resent me is my own teacher or if we are stuck together as is common with coworkers or if we interact by having the same circle of 'friends'. Their resentment to me grows ever so strong, I can feel their hatred of me. But I do not do anything to warrant it. I am trying my best to be peoples friend, I am trying to fit in so hard with the rest of them. It is just by my own existence and how I am I attract this treatment. This is very cruel and painful to me. I have observed this constantly, over and over again. It is a proven concept to me at this point. People just hate me whenever I try to socialize with them. They grow to despise me and make me suffer. Honestly, If I could change, I would. If I could do something to please them, but I don't even fucking know what this people want from me, whatever it is I am missing it and everybody around me is not.
It is the most cruel. To being condemned to be hated without being able to figure out truly why. Yeah sure they might hate me for being ugly but there is something deeper than that, this has gone for far too long. I was not even that ugly when I was younger (16-18) and I still had the same treatment. Then I let myself go and my face and body is fucked now because of it. I am trying to get back into looksmaxxing but I digress.
How can I fix this. How can I satisfy this people. You can just never fucking win. No matter what I do. No matter how much I try to please everybody. They all hate me. All of them. Even though I know it's not true, even if I reject this I still can't help but to feel the whole fucking world is set against me. It hurts.
It is the most cruel. To being condemned to be hated without being able to figure out truly why. Yeah sure they might hate me for being ugly but there is something deeper than that, this has gone for far too long. I was not even that ugly when I was younger (16-18) and I still had the same treatment. Then I let myself go and my face and body is fucked now because of it. I am trying to get back into looksmaxxing but I digress.
How can I fix this. How can I satisfy this people. You can just never fucking win. No matter what I do. No matter how much I try to please everybody. They all hate me. All of them. Even though I know it's not true, even if I reject this I still can't help but to feel the whole fucking world is set against me. It hurts.
