My nofap streak has reached the point where i dream about a girl i haven't seen in at least six or seven years. It's a girl i used to know from uni, i probably have made a coulple of threads about her in the past. I'm still not sure why i got attracted to her. She's not exactly cute or beautiful, just mid tier becky, some would probably find her ugly. I guess I just thought she could be my soulmate because she always seemed very self-aware and ironic about herself and her life, even blackpilled somewhat (i wasn't familiar with the BP then, but was blackpilled subconsciously). It's all cope of course. But this made me look her up her instagram profile again, and boy did the last few years have no mercy on her. No, she didn't become an e-whore, (probably) didn't go through the cock carousel stage, didn't become exceptionally feminist or any of that sort. She just completely lost all her luster. Granted she wasn't beautiful before. But still, I could not even recognize her on some photos without makeup and proper setting. People age, and this sucks so much. Maybe I too look outrageous compared to years before?
Anyway, I remembered that one time when she asked for help with her studies. It was something about her coursework for the second or third year of uni, some programming shit. She reached out to me to do the class diagram or UML diagram or some shit for her program (which she obviously outsourced to someone else lol), decause she had trouble installing the go-to software for making these. Anyway it didn't seem to difficult, just a couple of blocks and done. I did it in about five minutes, not sure what was her exact problem. I knew I was helping a girl that would never give me the time of day and would forget about me once I was of no use anymore. And of course she had ignored me up until that point. But I still wanted to do it for her to see her genuine reaction of gratitude. For me it also was the only way to interact with her in some not matter-of-fact manner, afterall. She did offer some compensation for my inconvenience in the way of chocolate or something, but I proudly refused because it would seem awkward. Still I was genuinely glad I could help her and didn't want anything in return. I'm a good boy? I bet she still remembers me right? Right?
Anyway, I remembered that one time when she asked for help with her studies. It was something about her coursework for the second or third year of uni, some programming shit. She reached out to me to do the class diagram or UML diagram or some shit for her program (which she obviously outsourced to someone else lol), decause she had trouble installing the go-to software for making these. Anyway it didn't seem to difficult, just a couple of blocks and done. I did it in about five minutes, not sure what was her exact problem. I knew I was helping a girl that would never give me the time of day and would forget about me once I was of no use anymore. And of course she had ignored me up until that point. But I still wanted to do it for her to see her genuine reaction of gratitude. For me it also was the only way to interact with her in some not matter-of-fact manner, afterall. She did offer some compensation for my inconvenience in the way of chocolate or something, but I proudly refused because it would seem awkward. Still I was genuinely glad I could help her and didn't want anything in return. I'm a good boy? I bet she still remembers me right? Right?
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