For anyone that doesn't know, I don't use alcohol or drug so I basically can't get high or be drunk to forget everything when I'm in depression, instead I lock up myself and listen to sad music for hours, days once I find a good one, I never stop listening to it and sometimes I cry as I remember how my life is terrible and there's no escape from it. Sometimes I cry until I get tired or have insomnia. I think the music is a kind of drug tbh, it pushes my emotions and I cry as I'm under this pressure full of emotions and realize that nothing is in my favor as well as I remember my mistakes. I get a lot of thoughts and emotions pushing my brain and heart during those sessions, I know it ruins me but I need it no one of this would happen if there was a woman that cared about me but no
I'm terrible and so my fate is. I kinda learned to how to deal with it though, but as I age it becomes more unbearable. I need someone to make me feel better about myself and be caring to me.
Everything is terrible and there's no escape from this shithole. I don't want to end it as I don't want to feel certain people feel bad, I really don't . I'm just so empty if you don't count the emotions that make me want to go rope and I have no purpose, if I had someone in my life I would be dedicated for her and put effort but I don't, and I never had. I don't even know why I got in college, just wanted to feel the family proud and maybe a little chance of happiness but I'm not sure about that. I don't want to die alone without someone beside me, right on my arms . I'm touch- hungry and literally starving. I don't know if this feeling will ever go away. I just say that God please, if I have the same worth with a shit, send me someone that actually cares about me
Let's see if things will change, I hope it changes. I hope there is some point in my written fate that says I'll find someone that actually cares about me at the some point of my life otherwise I can't keep hanging on, I just can't keep it up.
I will snap out but dunno how it will end, with harming myself or other way, I really don't know. the only thing I know is that I can't keep hanging on
I'm terrible and so my fate is. I kinda learned to how to deal with it though, but as I age it becomes more unbearable. I need someone to make me feel better about myself and be caring to me.Everything is terrible and there's no escape from this shithole. I don't want to end it as I don't want to feel certain people feel bad, I really don't . I'm just so empty if you don't count the emotions that make me want to go rope and I have no purpose, if I had someone in my life I would be dedicated for her and put effort but I don't, and I never had. I don't even know why I got in college, just wanted to feel the family proud and maybe a little chance of happiness but I'm not sure about that. I don't want to die alone without someone beside me, right on my arms . I'm touch- hungry and literally starving. I don't know if this feeling will ever go away. I just say that God please, if I have the same worth with a shit, send me someone that actually cares about me
Let's see if things will change, I hope it changes. I hope there is some point in my written fate that says I'll find someone that actually cares about me at the some point of my life otherwise I can't keep hanging on, I just can't keep it up.
I will snap out but dunno how it will end, with harming myself or other way, I really don't know. the only thing I know is that I can't keep hanging on
