The abuse has gone on for way too long. Being treated like this is just not right, and I am afraid I am being pushed far over the edge. I don't want to end up kms, but that said idea constantly obsesses me and seems like the only way out. Sometimes the urge is so strong, I have to use a great deal of restraint to stop myself. It's an extremally draining ordeal that is becoming increasingly more consistent and harder to triumph over. I can taste death on the tip of my tongue, it's sweet. An easy way out. A total end to suffering, the ultimate release. Death is so freeing. I have tried to kms once in the past to which the curtain rod I had idiotically tied my rope to broke
, I know I will never try again. One: I am too much of a coward, two: I will never let them win. They want to see me kill myself. That is ultimate submission to defeat. I am a victim of circumstance and a prisoner to severe tribulation. Living has become so painful for me that it becomes nearly impossible to bear. The simple task of getting out of bed in the morning has become so difficult that I am unable to mutter up the strength to move nor bend my limbs. I am a seeing, blinking, feeling, breathing corpse. I am alive, but I am not living. I'm in a public space, I'm struggling not to cry. I feel demoralized and defeated. I do not know where to go. What becomes of a person like me? Am I really just bound to the fate that I must shrivel away and rot in isolation? It's fitting I guess, dying in the same manner I have lived in. I don't even ask for much, when I was younger my goal was: somewhat successful financially with a relationship. When I figured that was unrealistic my goal became: make enough money to suffice and have some friends. Then it became, have A friend, just one good friend. My goal right now is just content, not happy, just content with life. I can't even have that. Talking to you all is really nice, I have never had a space that was my domain, this is kind of like a home to me. It's really helped being able to talk about my problems here. Ive never had anybody to talk to. I tried getting a therapist multiple times with no success since 'they were not equipped to handle the problems I have'.
It sucks incels get attacked so much online, but that's expected from such a shit backwards system. Have you guys ever read 1984 by George Orwell. Basically it's a dystopian prediction of how totalitarian and oppressive society will become. Propaganda is so widespread and effective that 'double-think' has formed. Double think is basically when the citizens of said dystopia have become so delusional and disenfranchised by propaganda, that they are able to both believe some value and its opposite are both true at the same time. Basically logic against logic. An example of this would be: "Freedom is slavery, war is peace, love is hate". This is basically what incel-tear does. EX: They believe incels are unhygenic and are virgins because they do not try/take care of themselves while also affirming the fact that incels are obsessed with looks and dating strategy. Another example would be believing figures like Andrew Tate or others of the manosphere are incels even though they have sex and relationships. It really comes down to just doing anything they can, cherrypicking, generalizing, etc. to justify hate against incels to fuel their own ego and make them feel better about their own lives. It has to be pretty bad for you if you spend time targeting lonely men online.
, I know I will never try again. One: I am too much of a coward, two: I will never let them win. They want to see me kill myself. That is ultimate submission to defeat. I am a victim of circumstance and a prisoner to severe tribulation. Living has become so painful for me that it becomes nearly impossible to bear. The simple task of getting out of bed in the morning has become so difficult that I am unable to mutter up the strength to move nor bend my limbs. I am a seeing, blinking, feeling, breathing corpse. I am alive, but I am not living. I'm in a public space, I'm struggling not to cry. I feel demoralized and defeated. I do not know where to go. What becomes of a person like me? Am I really just bound to the fate that I must shrivel away and rot in isolation? It's fitting I guess, dying in the same manner I have lived in. I don't even ask for much, when I was younger my goal was: somewhat successful financially with a relationship. When I figured that was unrealistic my goal became: make enough money to suffice and have some friends. Then it became, have A friend, just one good friend. My goal right now is just content, not happy, just content with life. I can't even have that. Talking to you all is really nice, I have never had a space that was my domain, this is kind of like a home to me. It's really helped being able to talk about my problems here. Ive never had anybody to talk to. I tried getting a therapist multiple times with no success since 'they were not equipped to handle the problems I have'.It sucks incels get attacked so much online, but that's expected from such a shit backwards system. Have you guys ever read 1984 by George Orwell. Basically it's a dystopian prediction of how totalitarian and oppressive society will become. Propaganda is so widespread and effective that 'double-think' has formed. Double think is basically when the citizens of said dystopia have become so delusional and disenfranchised by propaganda, that they are able to both believe some value and its opposite are both true at the same time. Basically logic against logic. An example of this would be: "Freedom is slavery, war is peace, love is hate". This is basically what incel-tear does. EX: They believe incels are unhygenic and are virgins because they do not try/take care of themselves while also affirming the fact that incels are obsessed with looks and dating strategy. Another example would be believing figures like Andrew Tate or others of the manosphere are incels even though they have sex and relationships. It really comes down to just doing anything they can, cherrypicking, generalizing, etc. to justify hate against incels to fuel their own ego and make them feel better about their own lives. It has to be pretty bad for you if you spend time targeting lonely men online.
