Does anyone else feel depressed looking back on their life?

StoicNihilist

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Do any of you guys ever get sad looking back at your childhood? Looking at how lively, vibrant, and energetic you once were and realize that this battle that we call life has turned you into a cold monster who no longer cares about anything. And that your younger self is now dead and gone, some would say that life turned me this way, I believe it is a combination of traumatic experiences, being ruthlessly hurt by people, and always being judged. Always being mocked and spit at by people. To be honest if I was to die right now i honestly wouldnt give a fuck. I am an ugly, brain damaged, pathetic loser with no hope for the future. I cant even get a girl to look in my direction, I cant hold down a job, I can't do anything worthwhile in life. I wish someone would just come up to me and shoot me in the fucking face already. I hate the world. I hate humanity.
I'm honestly getting tired of my existance and to realize any god that truly loved me, like they say god does would never put me through this shit.

This song perfectly resembles how I feel:

Metallica - The Unforgiven




"You labelled me, I'll label you. So I dub thee Unforgiven."
 
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anon1822

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Don't even need to look back, I can look at the present or the future, still depressed.
 

Insomniac

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Yes bro, I miss my childhood everyday. It wasn’t perfect but I was truly happy with my existence when I was a child.
 

StoicNihilist

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i feel like I let the child I once was down. He had so many dreams and ambitions
Me too fam. I have such vivid memories of the hope, bliss, and wonder I felt during childhood. It wasn't the best, I was bullied a bit at school. I also came from a poor trailer trash family that went through a hellish divorce. But the most important thing I had was hope. I would play with my friends on the playground and out in the woods. Looking up and smiling at the beautiful sun rays in the trees, going to the beach and feeling the warm sand between my toes and looking with awe at the ocean. Going on magical adventures with my buddies, pretending to be knights and wizards, or with our nerfguns pretending to be special ops soldiers. The world was my oyster. Anything and everything was possible, you just had to believe, and have hope.

But as I matured into adulthood I slowly but surely lost that hope. Every last bit of it. Brain damage. Realizing how ugly I am. Homelessness. Abandonment. Social isolation. And realizing what a terrible place the world can be (war, poverty, famine, rape, murder, ect. ). All of my life experiences destroyed my faith in humanity, and destroyed my faith in myself. Now here I am: a cold, empty monster who doesn't care about anything.
 
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StoicNihilist

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How did you get brain damage?
I was born with very mild damage unfortunately, cause my mom drank sometimes when she was pregnant with me. But that's not what did me in.

I was in high school and some bitch who didnt like me wrongfully accused me of sexually assaulting her because I wouldn't give her $100. She pretended to be my friend and I loaned her a few bucks here and there for lunch money, but I quickly realized she was just using me. I told her to fuck off, she told me I'd regret saying that. And oh boy, I did. This led to three jock Chad's jumping me and punching my head repeatedly and knocking me unconscious, and then stomping on my head. I got a concussion from that, brain bruising. I have mental difficulties that to this day have ruined my life.
 
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tanfeo

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I'm not a native English speaker, so maybe that has kept me from getting my point across.
What you said describes the situation I'm in perfectly. Abandonment, social isolation, the feeling of not existing for anyone.
Not caring about anything that happens. Fuck all and everything.

I recommend youngcels to take note of this. You think your life is miserable now, but wait until you get past 50.
At 20, you still may have a change. At 50, you may as well start to dig your own grave.
You'll be looking back at how you chased the girls in the hood hoping to get a kiss, even though it was an illusion.
We didn't know back then, but we do know now that it was over before it even started.

I've been a school dropout multiple times. I never got any diploma, couldn't get to college.
I've been in prison two times and could never hold on to a job for more than a few months.
Currently I work as an independent and make around 10 dollars a day. Because of that, no foid would ever start a relation with me.
Can't even sustain myself, let alone somebody else.

Some would say "bad decisions". For me the game was rigged from the start. When your ugly or weird, the bullying starts in school.
Because of the bullying, I never had the change to get good grades and I always had problems with others.
I did thugmaxx to get accepted by people but it only got me in jail.

So really yeah, I know exactly what you are talking about man and I'm sure there are a lot more guys that have similar stories.

Edit: Just read about the three jock chads jumping you. I had four of them jumping up on me. They broke my nose and it is permanently deformed by what happened that day.
They also knocked me unconscious, and after that let their dog piss on me while foids where watching and applauding.
No braindamage in that sense, but it left me with a deep hatred for society. Still want to get back at them until this very day.
 
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mylifeistrash

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I would but I see Gen Z is having it much worse than me, so I've pretty much moved on from feeling bad about the bad shit I went through.
I've been a school dropout multiple times. I never got any diploma, couldn't get to college.
I've been in prison two times and could never hold on to a job for more than a few months.
Currently I work as an independent and make around 10 dollars a day. Because of that, no foid would ever start a relation with me.
Can't even sustain myself, let alone somebody else.
Where and how do you manage to live and survive on such low income?
 

VirtueSignaller

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I was born with very mild damage unfortunately, cause my mom drank sometimes when she was pregnant with me. But that's not what did me in.

I was in high school and some bitch who didnt like me wrongfully accused me of sexually assaulting her because I wouldn't give her $100. She pretended to be my friend and I loaned her a few bucks here and there for lunch money, but I quickly realized she was just using me. I told her to fuck off, she told me I'd regret saying that. And oh boy, I did. This led to three jock Chad's jumping me and punching my head repeatedly and knocking me unconscious, and then stomping on my head. I got a concussion from that, brain bruising. I have mental difficulties that to this day have ruined my life.
Sorry to hear that bro.
 

SkinnyBaldcel

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"never free, never me, so I dub the unforgiven" metallica is the best band on the planet
 

NotQuiteChadLite

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Yes, seeing my NW0 thick, Justin Bieber hair in highschool photos is suicidefuel.
 

tanfeo

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Where and how do you manage to live and survive on such low income?
South America. It's something that you learn over the years.
I only eat a meal every other day. If I had lunch today, I would not eat tomorrow.
I lived on the street for a while, slept in hotels that cost 1 dollar a night, but they were doing drugs and I hate that so I moved to a room.
The room is actually more like a ruin, but at least it has a roof and I can stay dry when it rains.

Besides that I've become lazy as fuck, partly because I don't care anymore about my situation. I just rot in my room and only go out to do some job.
 

Brahcel

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I was born with very mild damage unfortunately, cause my mom drank sometimes when she was pregnant with me. But that's not what did me in.

I was in high school and some bitch who didnt like me wrongfully accused me of sexually assaulting her because I wouldn't give her $100. She pretended to be my friend and I loaned her a few bucks here and there for lunch money, but I quickly realized she was just using me. I told her to fuck off, she told me I'd regret saying that. And oh boy, I did. This led to three jock Chad's jumping me and punching my head repeatedly and knocking me unconscious, and then stomping on my head. I got a concussion from that, brain bruising. I have mental difficulties that to this day have ruined my life.
How do u know u got brain damage from that? Doctor or u noticed something?
 

Brahcel

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I'm not a native English speaker, so maybe that has kept me from getting my point across.
What you said describes the situation I'm in perfectly. Abandonment, social isolation, the feeling of not existing for anyone.
Not caring about anything that happens. Fuck all and everything.

I recommend youngcels to take note of this. You think your life is miserable now, but wait until you get past 50.
At 20, you still may have a change. At 50, you may as well start to dig your own grave.
You'll be looking back at how you chased the girls in the hood hoping to get a kiss, even though it was an illusion.
We didn't know back then, but we do know now that it was over before it even started.

I've been a school dropout multiple times. I never got any diploma, couldn't get to college.
I've been in prison two times and could never hold on to a job for more than a few months.
Currently I work as an independent and make around 10 dollars a day. Because of that, no foid would ever start a relation with me.
Can't even sustain myself, let alone somebody else.

Some would say "bad decisions". For me the game was rigged from the start. When your ugly or weird, the bullying starts in school.
Because of the bullying, I never had the change to get good grades and I always had problems with others.
I did thugmaxx to get accepted by people but it only got me in jail.

So really yeah, I know exactly what you are talking about man and I'm sure there are a lot more guys that have similar stories.

Edit: Just read about the three jock chads jumping you. I had four of them jumping up on me. They broke my nose and it is permanently deformed by what happened that day.
They also knocked me unconscious, and after that let their dog piss on me while foids where watching and applauding.
No braindamage in that sense, but it left me with a deep hatred for society. Still want to get back at them until this very day.
Damn brah. U should get back at them. What country? Foids are usually anti violent when they see stuff happening not caused by them.
I would but I see Gen Z is having it much worse than me, so I've pretty much moved on from feeling bad about the bad shit I went through.


Where and how do you manage to live and survive on such low income?
Gen z will have it bad.
Whites are being conditioned to be docile and scared whereas blacks are being encouraged to be aggressive and violent.
All is going to ((plan))) according to this thread. Every evil op stated.
 

Gabe

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I wonder what 10 year old me would say if he looked 10 years into the future and saw himself as a depressed worthless NEET with no gf and no bright future in sight.
 

tanfeo

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Damn brah. U should get back at them. What country? Foids are usually anti violent when they see stuff happening not caused by them.
It was in Holland, that's where I grew up. Later I moved to South America hoping to do jbw but it didn't matter.
 

Cuyen

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I was born with very mild damage unfortunately, cause my mom drank sometimes when she was pregnant with me. But that's not what did me in.

I was in high school and some bitch who didnt like me wrongfully accused me of sexually assaulting her because I wouldn't give her $100. She pretended to be my friend and I loaned her a few bucks here and there for lunch money, but I quickly realized she was just using me. I told her to fuck off, she told me I'd regret saying that. And oh boy, I did. This led to three jock Chad's jumping me and punching my head repeatedly and knocking me unconscious, and then stomping on my head. I got a concussion from that, brain bruising. I have mental difficulties that to this day have ruined my life.
damn bro it is cruel im sorry to hear this
 

Brahcel

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It was in Holland, that's where I grew up. Later I moved to South America hoping to do jbw but it didn't matter.
U get attacked where? Jbw did not work in south america? Why? Greater chance working in sea
 

StaroRavager

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Do any of you guys ever get sad looking back at your childhood? Looking at how lively, vibrant, and energetic you once were and realize that this battle that we call life has turned you into a cold monster who no longer cares about anything. And that your younger self is now dead and gone,
At this point, I'm just ready for the end. My past was tragic and I long for the days of old, but no amount of sadness and mourning will change my situation. It doesn't matter anymore, I'll just do what i need to do and take my leave. There's nothing left
some would say that life turned me this way, I believe it is a combination of traumatic experiences, being ruthlessly hurt by people, and always being judged. Always being mocked and spit at by people.
Yeah, natural selection is always at work wether you live in the caves or the wealthiest first world city you can find
 

The End

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I think most people here are very depressed, and very angry. And our lost happiness/optimism/hope are all things we lament.

Frankly I find it astounding that other guys have had equally sucky lives as us, and somehow don't become bitter cynics.
 

YungCell

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Yes, but it's nothing in comparison to how depressed I get looking forward.
 

52cel

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If 10 year old me knew that being picked last for sports was the most benign thing about being 5'2", I would have tried harder in 98 and 99 trying to kill myself. It never gets better. Your height only becomes more and more clear as the reason for your demise the older you get.

I didn't have the greatest childhood but comparing to my adult life...it was sublime.
 

Sans

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Of course I do. But I can the make the most of the time I have left by giving foids a bad time.
 

StoicNihilist

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Edit: Just read about the three jock chads jumping you. I had four of them jumping up on me. They broke my nose and it is permanently deformed by what happened that day.
They also knocked me unconscious, and after that let their dog piss on me while foids where watching and applauding.
No braindamage in that sense, but it left me with a deep hatred for society. Still want to get back at them until this very day.
Yeah man. I dont think people understand how traumatic it is to be attacked by your fellow peers like that. It left me with borderline PTSD and a deep hatred for society afterwards.
 

non tollitur

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I never had a memorable childhood. i spent my childhood either in home or church. even in church you will feel alone
 

Sanpakucel

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I was born with very mild damage unfortunately, cause my mom drank sometimes when she was pregnant with me. But that's not what did me in.

I was in high school and some bitch who didnt like me wrongfully accused me of sexually assaulting her because I wouldn't give her $100. She pretended to be my friend and I loaned her a few bucks here and there for lunch money, but I quickly realized she was just using me. I told her to fuck off, she told me I'd regret saying that. And oh boy, I did. This led to three jock Chad's jumping me and punching my head repeatedly and knocking me unconscious, and then stomping on my head. I got a concussion from that, brain bruising. I have mental difficulties that to this day have ruined my life.
holy fuck if you're not larping
 

Adversor

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I faintly remember having things to look forward to when I was a kid. Now I never look forward to anything. My present and my future are just so dreary and monotonous that even the pale light of my mediocre past is almost blinding in contrast. Happiness died when puberty started.
 

Mainländer

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I miss being younger but my mind is at a better state now. I guess it's only normal.
 

LiterallyASoyboy

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Only in the sense that I feel like none of this was worth it. Thinking about the experiences which I've had in my life, I think it would've been better if I had never experienced anything at all. I wish my parents hadn't created me, and I came very close to admitting this to my father yesterday.

When I catch myself wishing to return to my past, I immediately remind myself that I wasn't happy then either, that my brain is tricking me.
 

tanfeo

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U get attacked where? Jbw did not work in south america? Why? Greater chance working in sea
That was in Holland. It was in my school years. When I finally dropped out of everything society related (including high school) there wasn't anybody left around to bully me.
In Europe it has been difficult for those that are slightly different. I knew a fellow incel once, he killed himself with an overdose of sleeping pills.
It was just to hard for him, he couldn't cope. Kid was only 20 years old.

When I turned 30 I left for S.A.
It is correct that in SEA it would have worked better (JBW) but it's to late for that now. I can only look at the ruins of my life and wait until death takes me to another place.
 
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Notgoingtomakeit

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Yeah, what a sad reality looking back at my life. I have missed so much opportunity it isn't even funny. Even if I could go back in time I doubt I could've steered myself in a better direction. Some things just aren't meant to be in life no matter how much effort you put in to it. I guess It is what is man. The universe can be amazing for a few and cruel to many.

The hardest pill to swallow is waking up each and every moment after recalling your past experiences and then realizing there is more to come.
 
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i hate everything all the time and lately feel lots of anger

hope you find the strength to bring yourself up, the road is so long and hard, nobody even gives a shit if you have a job and are fit, have fixed up whitened teeth, have hobbies etc... i don't even fucking know what you're supposed to do to get any female attention, what dumb fucking gimmick you should have going on.
 

Cleftcel

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I faintly remember having things to look forward to when I was a kid. Now I never look forward to anything. My present and my future are just so dreary and monotonous that even the pale light of my mediocre past is almost blinding in contrast. Happiness died when puberty started.
fuckin hell that post was haunting, you got a way with words tbh you write any poetry, short stories etc?
 

InMyCellInHell

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Do any of you guys ever get sad looking back at your childhood? Looking at how lively, vibrant, and energetic you once were
Nope. My childhood sucked with an emotionally abusive father and a doormat mother so I don't really reflect back on or look forward to anything.
 

Adversor

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fuckin hell that post was haunting, you got a way with words tbh you write any poetry, short stories etc?
Thanks, brother. I used to write some poetry in my bluepilled days but I lost most of my motivation long ago.
 

Blue Squirtle

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I get depressed because looking back all I wanted was for my parents to be proud of me, and they still treated me like crap.
 

mylifeistrash

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i hate everything all the time and lately feel lots of anger

hope you find the strength to bring yourself up, the road is so long and hard, nobody even gives a shit if you have a job and are fit, have fixed up whitened teeth, have hobbies etc... i don't even fucking know what you're supposed to do to get any female attention, what dumb fucking gimmick you should have going on.

To society, even if you maxx out everything and use all of your will power to bring yourself up, you're still just another piece of trash male.

Probably most men should stop working jobs and try to leech off the government. That only real way to destroy society.
 

Cuyen

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I feel depressed even withot looking at it
 

Twinkcel

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I’m more depressed about my future. I need to leave this country before I go insane.
 

rahultmnt

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I was born with very mild damage unfortunately, cause my mom drank sometimes when she was pregnant with me. But that's not what did me in.

I was in high school and some bitch who didnt like me wrongfully accused me of sexually assaulting her because I wouldn't give her $100. She pretended to be my friend and I loaned her a few bucks here and there for lunch money, but I quickly realized she was just using me. I told her to fuck off, she told me I'd regret saying that. And oh boy, I did. This led to three jock Chad's jumping me and punching my head repeatedly and knocking me unconscious, and then stomping on my head. I got a concussion from that, brain bruising. I have mental difficulties that to this day have ruined my life.
98273
 

Anonymous26

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I remember my grandmother telling me one day after school,"You know Simon, you're gonna grow up to be about 6 feet tall" I never recovered.
 
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To society, even if you maxx out everything and use all of your will power to bring yourself up, you're still just another piece of trash male.

Probably most men should stop working jobs and try to leech off the government. That only real way to destroy society.
I don't know what work even is anymore.
It seems like value is created with the mining and power generation industries and manufacturing, and most every desk job or computer job is some stupid shit where you create nothing valuable and just humiliate yourself in front of managers to convince the economic apparatus to give you some shekels.
It's impossible not to feel jaded about work at that point.

The fact that older folks act like it's a surefire path to starting a family just adds insult to injury. I see mental retards that work in clothing shops who buy engagement rings on 24 month leases or whatever the fuck, having a mediocre job and a mediocre amount of money doesn't do SHIT.
But then I've always known this, that mediocre achievements get you nowhere, it's why I had frequent lapses in my school performance and alternated between going out and shutting in completely.
 

mylifeistrash

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I don't know what work even is anymore.
It seems like value is created with the mining and power generation industries and manufacturing, and most every desk job or computer job is some stupid shit where you create nothing valuable and just humiliate yourself in front of managers to convince the economic apparatus to give you some shekels.
It's impossible not to feel jaded about work at that point.

The fact that older folks act like it's a surefire path to starting a family just adds insult to injury. I see mental retards that work in clothing shops who buy engagement rings on 24 month leases or whatever the fuck, having a mediocre job and a mediocre amount of money doesn't do SHIT.
But then I've always known this, that mediocre achievements get you nowhere, it's why I had frequent lapses in my school performance and alternated between going out and shutting in completely.
I've read most doctors feel jaded because they're mainly just serving old, obese people who waste their time over dumb shit they brought on themselves.

I guess if you want to distill it further, most of the economy revolves around servicing women and the eldery at the expense of working age men.

Yeah, most jobs are completely pointless and have zero long term meaning.

I dunno, from an oldcel's perspective, the only real accomplishment a man can have in 2019 is living and providing only for yourself.
 

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