I had a super-duper aspiration, one I was insanely passionate about. I wanted to be a great artist. My whole life revolved this mission.
But reality was not receptive to my efforts; without talent there can be no progress. For all my tenacity, for all my agony (because I did come to hate drawing), none of it amounted to anything. A decade spent in agony, and with nothing to show for it.
Eventually I conceded. I will never be good at what I poured my life's energy into. So time to LDAR, right? Unfortunately I seem to be wired to be obsessively goal-driven, and so I turned my attention away from the arts and towards the base impulses; that is, sex.
I wasn't approaching sex like like before, where if anyone had shown the slightest interest in me I would have fucked them, now I was looksmaxxing, statusmaxxing, etc etc... But, as you may have guessed, just like art it's a complete failure. I lost weight, took up music, sharpened my social skills, put myself in unpleasant situations -- all for naught.
I am shit, and (as you may have heard) you can't shine it.
Absolutely zero. Everyday i drudge off to the wagefactory while my legs continue to deteriorate and my health goes to shit.
Everyday i think about quitting but know i'll be fucked if i do. I just wanna lie down and not wake up. Wagecucking is pure torture. Im a failure. Low IQ, no prospects, this hell will be my life. At least im content in knowing i wont live that long. Not at the rate my body is rotting. And to think a few years ago i was NEETing in peace, binging anime, reading books and up until then had experienced zero major health issues
Sorry you have to go through this.
I'm NEETing right now, and so many people insist I get a job. I fucking hated school, and I don't see a job being any better than school. I get depressed just looking at people doing their jobs.
