CONSTANT SELF-ABASEMENT in the presence of men has led women to develop a secret language which other women understand but is incomprehensible to men, since they take it literally. It would, therefore, be a great advantage to men to hold the key to this code and so create a sort of dictionary for themselves. Then, whenever they heard a standard phrase, they could decipher its real meaning.
Here are a few examples, with a translation into male language.
CODED → DECODED
A man must be able to protect me. → A man must be able to spare me from all forms of discomfort. (What else could he protect her from? Robbers? An atom bomb?)
I need a man to make me feel secure. → Above all, he must keep his money worries to himself.
I must be able to look up to a man. → To be a possible candidate as a husband, he must be more intelligent, responsible, courageous, industrious, and stronger than I am. Otherwise, what purpose would he serve?
Of course I would give up my career if my husband asked me. → Once he is earning enough money, I am never going to work again.
The only thing I want in life is to make him happy. → I will do everything in my power to stop him from knowing how much I exploit him.
I am there for him alone. → No other man has to work for me.
In future I shall devote my life to my family. → I'm not going to lift another finger for the rest of my life. It's his turn now.
I don't believe in Women's Liberation. → I'm not such a fool. I'd rather let a man do the work for me.
After all, we are living in an age of equality. → If he thinks he can order me about, just because he earns money for me, he is sorely mistaken.
I'm so bad at doing things like that. → That's a job he will have to do. What's he there for, anyway?
He knows absolutely everything. → He even serves the function of an encyclopedia.
If a couple really love each other, there is no need to get married at once. → He is being a bit obstinate, but I'll soon get around him in bed.
I love him. → He is an excellent workhorse.
Of course women use stock phrases like these only when there is a man around to hear them. In the company of other women they talk about their men quite normally, as they would speak of a domestic appliance, which everyone knows to be practical anyway.
If a woman says, “I've decided to give up wearing this coat - or that hat - because my boy friend doesn't like it,” she really means, “I might as well do him that favor. He's doing everything I want anyhow.”
When women are among themselves, discussing the desirable qualities of a specific man, they will never declare that they want someone to look up to, someone who will protect them. Such twaddle would be greeted with the laughter it deserves. They are more likely to say they want a man with such and such a job: jobs are synonymous with income level, old-age pensions, widows' endowments, and the ability to pay high life-insurance premiums. Or a woman might well say, “The man I'm going to marry must be a little older than I, at least half a head taller, and more intelligent.” By which she means that it looks “normal” for a somewhat older, stronger, more intelligent human being to provide for a younger, weaker, more stupid creature.