I now have periods where I don’t say anything at all for a couple of weeks and like I do all the talking in my head to myself about what I have to do in a day. My voice sounds different every time I suddenly say a sentence out loud. If I go outside for anything else than running and see people. I imagine what it’s like to have people actually call your phone and ask about your whereabouts weekly and being affectionate I haven’t anything close to that in like 5 1/2 years and I get feelings of overwhelming sadness for hours .
I’m like Nico Bellic at the end of GTA IV, I’m alone wondering through life with people I can’t communicate with but because I know my lack of experience and my looks will always keep me from forming connections. I bet if I went to a therapist they wouldn’t even look me in the eye especially if it was a woman cause they probably hate that I’m in their presence and they would try to rush me out the door.
It reminds me of how slowly I’m falling out of society and I’m only up because I earn enough money to be comfortable for a while but no long term happiness just apathy and loneliness. This place is like the only place I have for socialization and even here I feel like I’m just dead to people and seeing users here talk about suicide is starting to make me see it as a brave choice and something I should consider if things go to the point of suicide fuel since there’s no hope for people like us who can lose everything so easy.
I’m like Nico Bellic at the end of GTA IV, I’m alone wondering through life with people I can’t communicate with but because I know my lack of experience and my looks will always keep me from forming connections. I bet if I went to a therapist they wouldn’t even look me in the eye especially if it was a woman cause they probably hate that I’m in their presence and they would try to rush me out the door.
It reminds me of how slowly I’m falling out of society and I’m only up because I earn enough money to be comfortable for a while but no long term happiness just apathy and loneliness. This place is like the only place I have for socialization and even here I feel like I’m just dead to people and seeing users here talk about suicide is starting to make me see it as a brave choice and something I should consider if things go to the point of suicide fuel since there’s no hope for people like us who can lose everything so easy.
