It's Over Depression leads to ataraxia

[Fancy Alcoholic]

I didn't post much during the past months. Actually, I don't really know why. I guess it has something to do with this whole ataraxia delirium.

I feel like I'm absent of my life. If my body is here, my mind is elsewhere. I don't know how to explain, but I don't enjoy the moment, nor anything at all to be honest. Even my memories are stained by what I know of reality, which means not idealized, which also means rewritten through the lense of my fully aware adult mind. This feeling is a burden of all time, all moments.

In fact I feel less and less sexual urge. To the point where I almost force myself to watch porn in order to fap and fullfill my physiological needs once a day. But I feel less and less involved in the process, and in fact I do not care anymore. Depression leads to this state of peace of mind where nothing really matters after all, life is shit, but who cares. The irony is that in the end, this state of things does feel kinda lifefuel to me, while it would be considered the opposite by most neurotypicucks.

Idk how to feel about it boyos.

 

[Ghostbuster15k]

Ataraxia delirium meaning literal insanity?

 

[FrothySolutions]

This sounds like a horrible way to live. But humans are an adaptable species.

 

[Deleted member 38364]

Stop putting words in threads that I'll need to look up the meaning of.

I don't really get why you would force yourself to watch porn so you can coom once a day. What's the point if you don't get anything out of it?

 

[Fancy Alcoholic]

Ataraxia delirium meaning literal insanity?

I mean peace of mind is somehow forced on me.

This sounds like a horrible way to live. But humans are an adaptable species.

ikr. I am very adaptable myself. I could actually live with nothing.

Stop putting words in threads that I'll need to look up the meaning of.

I don't really get why you would force yourself to watch porn so you can coom once a day. What's the point if you don't get anything out of it?

Because my body has certain needs that my brain doesn't give a shit about, but still I feel obligated to fullfil what my body needs.

 

[Tenshi]

sounds like something that could describe my situation atm

 

[Fancy Alcoholic]

sounds like something that could describe my situation atm

 

[BornToLose]

Stop putting words in threads that I'll need to look up the meaning of.

 

[Deleted member 38364]

Because my body has certain needs that my brain doesn't give a shit about, but still I feel obligated to fullfil what my body needs.

But the only thing that will happen if you stop jerking off is that you'll have wet dreams.

 

[Fancy Alcoholic]

But the only thing that will happen if you stop jerking off is that you'll have wet dreams.

No. Doesn't happen. If I stop jerking off, I'm more stressed and nervous, that's all

 

[Restart80]

This sounds like a horrible way to live.

Yeah, that's inceldom for you.

 

[Fancy Alcoholic]

Yeah, that's inceldom for you.

It wasn't always like that tho. I used to have things in life motivating me to go on.

 

[Oroborus]

No. Doesn't happen. If I stop jerking off, I'm more stressed and nervous, that's all

Sounds like you're addicted

 

[Fancy Alcoholic]

Sounds like you're addicted

Probably. But I don't even enjoy it at this point.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

Yeah, I experienced a bit of ataraxia on Christmas Eve, but it was only temporary, and it passed by midnight. It wasn't my first episode of ataraxia, though. I think eventually I'll reach the point where my ataraxia becomes permanent, but for now, it's just occasionally sporadic, and I'm going to continue unwillingly indulging in my fragile emotions of bitterness, sadness, and depression.