Again I find myself in a holiday furlough from work for the past week, it's during these times of stillness I find suppressed desires bubbling up.
In the years since I graduated high school I did much to insulate myself from foids and the pain they represented. I worked every hour I had the opportunity so I could whisper little white lies to myself about how it was all going to be okay. I never went out, I never signed up for dating websites. In my early adulthood I was as a hurt puppy with a shit covered nose wondering what I'd done wrong. I then followed the predictable redpill path and realized I was far more fucked up than I'd ever imagined and that women weren't capable of loving me the way I wanted anyways.
This only reinforced my withdraw, full sour grapes.
Now, seven years on from high school, I've never been on a date. I have never had any romantic involvement, emotional closeness, or ugly bumping with a foid.
As much as I wish I could I cannot move on. The little whispers, "You're not ugly you just don't try, you're a volcel", "It wasn't your looks it was your anxiety and that's better now.", "You're older now and have nice things it'll be different this time.", "You learned all that stupid PUA and Redpill bullshit years ago, you just need to practice". Those little white lies that made me feel better and could be dismissed to "one day" are now gnawing at me.
I'm feeling masochistic, so I opened my phone and press the dreaded little switch camera button. How such a little software button could be such a distressing emotional trigger.
Points I want to challenge both personal and relating to common things I see around the incel community:
My cope that I'm secretely a volcel.
You're volcel if you're tallcel
Face is the most important thing in dating
To start this experiment I have a decent as possible, neutral face pic on two rating sites as well as a Tinder account, this a complete first for me. I'm not sure how I'll share the results without someone somehow accusing me of bragging, but we'll see.
(I made sure to shower first)
Open to suggestions.
Hope I don't rope after this.
In the years since I graduated high school I did much to insulate myself from foids and the pain they represented. I worked every hour I had the opportunity so I could whisper little white lies to myself about how it was all going to be okay. I never went out, I never signed up for dating websites. In my early adulthood I was as a hurt puppy with a shit covered nose wondering what I'd done wrong. I then followed the predictable redpill path and realized I was far more fucked up than I'd ever imagined and that women weren't capable of loving me the way I wanted anyways.
This only reinforced my withdraw, full sour grapes.
Now, seven years on from high school, I've never been on a date. I have never had any romantic involvement, emotional closeness, or ugly bumping with a foid.
As much as I wish I could I cannot move on. The little whispers, "You're not ugly you just don't try, you're a volcel", "It wasn't your looks it was your anxiety and that's better now.", "You're older now and have nice things it'll be different this time.", "You learned all that stupid PUA and Redpill bullshit years ago, you just need to practice". Those little white lies that made me feel better and could be dismissed to "one day" are now gnawing at me.
I'm feeling masochistic, so I opened my phone and press the dreaded little switch camera button. How such a little software button could be such a distressing emotional trigger.
Points I want to challenge both personal and relating to common things I see around the incel community:
My cope that I'm secretely a volcel.
You're volcel if you're tallcel
Face is the most important thing in dating
To start this experiment I have a decent as possible, neutral face pic on two rating sites as well as a Tinder account, this a complete first for me. I'm not sure how I'll share the results without someone somehow accusing me of bragging, but we'll see.
(I made sure to shower first)
Open to suggestions.
Hope I don't rope after this.
