An excerpt from the cuckbook "No More Mr Nice Guy".
Aaron is a good example of what can happen when a recovering Nice Guy decides to say "no" to bad
sex. For the first few weeks in the No More Mr. Nice Guy! group, Aaron vented his frustrations and
shared how helpless he felt to get Hannah to want to have sex with him. It was obvious that Aaron
believed his wife held the key to his sexual happiness and that he was angry over her willful refusal to
use that key. As a result, he felt "rejected" and "worthless."
After a few weeks, I suggested that Aaron go on a sexual moratorium in which he refrained from having
sex with Hannah for a period of six months.
I shared with him that a sexual moratorium would make it easier for him to do these things
because he wouldn't be so concerned about maintaining the possibility of her availability. If they weren't
having sex, he wouldn't have to worry about doing something that might make her angry and cause her
to withhold sex.
Aaron reported that his wife had made some sexual advances toward him. She revealed to him that
since he was not pursuing her, she felt freer to move toward him. She also expressed that she liked being
able to have sexual energy with Aaron, without it always having to end up in intercourse.
After six months, Aaron reported feeling less resentful and much closer to his wife. He also discovered
how to get his needs met and express his feelings more directly, instead of through sex. Most
importantly, when he and Hannah did start having sex again, he felt much more connected to his wife.
Aaron is a good example of what can happen when a recovering Nice Guy decides to say "no" to bad
sex. For the first few weeks in the No More Mr. Nice Guy! group, Aaron vented his frustrations and
shared how helpless he felt to get Hannah to want to have sex with him. It was obvious that Aaron
believed his wife held the key to his sexual happiness and that he was angry over her willful refusal to
use that key. As a result, he felt "rejected" and "worthless."
After a few weeks, I suggested that Aaron go on a sexual moratorium in which he refrained from having
sex with Hannah for a period of six months.
I shared with him that a sexual moratorium would make it easier for him to do these things
because he wouldn't be so concerned about maintaining the possibility of her availability. If they weren't
having sex, he wouldn't have to worry about doing something that might make her angry and cause her
to withhold sex.
Aaron reported that his wife had made some sexual advances toward him. She revealed to him that
since he was not pursuing her, she felt freer to move toward him. She also expressed that she liked being
able to have sexual energy with Aaron, without it always having to end up in intercourse.
After six months, Aaron reported feeling less resentful and much closer to his wife. He also discovered
how to get his needs met and express his feelings more directly, instead of through sex. Most
importantly, when he and Hannah did start having sex again, he felt much more connected to his wife.
:c but not this one teehee
