Ritalincel
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- Joined
- Nov 25, 2017
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[UPDATE] I [34m] recently found out that my S/O [32f] had sex with another guy immediately before our first date. This made me feel really upset, and I can't quite pinpoint what I should do.
Hello everyone! Here was my previous post:
So, it has been about two weeks since I learned about what happened before our first date. She and another man had sex immediately before I picked her up, and something about it irked me.
While the last post was full of people just in it to mock me, a few users did post very helpful advice. Another user sent me some private messages telling me how I can get over the issue.
One thing that really resounded true with me was that I was strongly thinking about how I felt about the situation, but not about how she felt. There wasn't exactly a wedding ring on her finger when she had sex with the other man. At no point in time do I have claim over her body and her choices, especially not when we weren't even in a committed relationship yet.
I talked with her about the issue and how she felt about it, and at first she was hesitant, but eventually she opened up and told me that she was looking for some sort of connection. To be honest I felt really sad that she hadn't given me a chance to fill that role for her (not even on a physical but emotional level) before calling some guy from Tinder over, but I feel like I understand her better now. More than anything, I realized the pressing need for me to come to terms with my own issues, and the social conditioning I've had that made me borderline shame her for having sex. If she felt good, and if he felt good about the encounter, calling myself a victim for it is ridiculous and entitled.
Right now I'm looking through therapists in my area to see if I can't take a more proactive approach to my personal issues.
Thank you all for the helpful advice, even those of you who laughed at me. For anyone who cares, I'm working through it and things are looking up!
tl;dr: I've decided to work on myself instead of concentrating so much on my S/O's behavior before we were even committed.