ScornedStoic
St. Dancecel
★★★★★
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2018
- Posts
- 21,841
- Online
- 160d 10h 20m
I need someone to connect to. But I don't know if that person exists.
There used to be someone in my life I felt cared and understood about me. That was long ago; ages ago, really. That's from a time of my life I have difficulty remembering now, all those years ago.
Anyway, I miss it. In just about every way, I'm antisocial-but I'm human and have my needs. Having one friend close to me was all I ever needed. It took a weight off my shoulders I can't describe.
I still think about that glitch in the Matrix often, for its absurdity and enigma. As a result I still want to reach out now and again. Whenever I feel that feeling, and I realize I'm eternally alone with absolutely no one in my life, let alone someone who actually gets me and cares about me...
It's suffocating. The air runs out of my lungs and my head feels like it constricts. I have to instantly think of anything else and distract myself, or the pain would be too great. The feeling is an undescribable degree of dread that is so all encompassing I physically feel it.
I'm so tired of feeling this way and I know I will feel this way until I die. Knowing that is part of what makes me panic.
I just want a girl who would love me. That's it, honestly-a loyal girl who loves me and is loyal to me, everything else is immaterial. The fact that that's impossible... Lends me to an angry disposition towards the world. I don't see how it couldn't.
I will always. be a discarded shadow.
There used to be someone in my life I felt cared and understood about me. That was long ago; ages ago, really. That's from a time of my life I have difficulty remembering now, all those years ago.
Anyway, I miss it. In just about every way, I'm antisocial-but I'm human and have my needs. Having one friend close to me was all I ever needed. It took a weight off my shoulders I can't describe.
I still think about that glitch in the Matrix often, for its absurdity and enigma. As a result I still want to reach out now and again. Whenever I feel that feeling, and I realize I'm eternally alone with absolutely no one in my life, let alone someone who actually gets me and cares about me...
It's suffocating. The air runs out of my lungs and my head feels like it constricts. I have to instantly think of anything else and distract myself, or the pain would be too great. The feeling is an undescribable degree of dread that is so all encompassing I physically feel it.
I'm so tired of feeling this way and I know I will feel this way until I die. Knowing that is part of what makes me panic.
I just want a girl who would love me. That's it, honestly-a loyal girl who loves me and is loyal to me, everything else is immaterial. The fact that that's impossible... Lends me to an angry disposition towards the world. I don't see how it couldn't.
I will always. be a discarded shadow.
