Packed my things, back at my parents' place, 4 years gone like that
Needless to say; no gf and 0 social life
Reflecting on these past 4 years, I keep remembering past thoughts and things I heard but never really paid much attention to
On HS, I remember a foid teacher saying "college will be the best period of your life, that's guaranteed!". I remember thinking to myself that she's very sheltered to believe that everyone gets to be happy and pondered what my experience would be. I also felt a premonition that my college life would be disappointing just like my HS life, but chose to ignore it
A few weeks before packing up to go, I remember reading some post on /r9k/. An anon had posted something like this
Fast forward to the entrance ceremony. A professor said, among other things, something very similar to what my foid teacher said. That HS and college are your best years, that we should make the most out of them and that things only get worse afterwards
I thought that he was being insensitive. Not all people have fun in these years. I knew because HS was shit for me. "If these years are really the "best" and life really gets that much worse, does that mean that losers should just commit suicide to spare themselves from pain?" was a dark thought the quickly came and passed
A few days passed and I noticed that 99% of my peers had already established their social groups and friendships. I was lagging behind on that aspect, with greetings and smalltalk being just about the most I could get. It was fucking horrifying, at almost every instance I was the only person to be alone and it stood out. Things were developing to be just like HS, confirming my previous occasional pessimistic thoughts
In an unparalleled act of low-inhib, I approached 2 foids I didn't know
I introduced myself, asked about themselves, etc. They weren't rude, but with their short replies and extremely bored voices it became clear that my effort wasn't going anywhere. Inhib went back up and I felt like I was being bothersome, so I excused myself and left
I soon started coping. "Maybe they were tired? Maybe they were shy just like me? Maybe I should've tried to lead the conversation a bit more?" JUST FUCKING LOL
A guy taller and more attractive than me soon approached and legit did almost the same shit I did. Asked the same shit, approached in the same way. I was close so I overheard it. The girls' reaction was on a completely different level. The girls were leading the convo and asked the guy about himself. They were laughing at his "jokes" (normal sentences) every 30 seconds. Etc.
You see this was completely natural, but back then I hadn't taken the BP. I was astonished and pride and narcissism were blinding me. I couldn't accept that the guy was THAT MUCH better than me. Soon after that event I found out about the incel community and the blackpill.
Many weeks later I finally got a friend. Unfortunately he was a giga-normalfag with huge amounts of. Loud, obnoxious, simp and was low-key putting me down during social situations. Soon we stopped being friends. I also stopped being insecure about being friendless, since I realized that many so-called friendships are completely trash, toxic and not worth the effort
I still wanted a gf though
Overally, in my entire college life I must have "hanged out" ~3-4 times
And i think i've taken more time typing this post than all the interactions I've had with girls in my college COMBINED
Tldr: my shitty blog that nobody gives a shit about My college years have finally ended and I've had 0 fun, just like I feared
(i had a bad day and had 0 motivation to do anything. even playing vidya felt like a pain in the ass. sitting on my bed, negative thoughts and feelings started piling up in my head and i wanted to vent)
Needless to say; no gf and 0 social life
Reflecting on these past 4 years, I keep remembering past thoughts and things I heard but never really paid much attention to
On HS, I remember a foid teacher saying "college will be the best period of your life, that's guaranteed!". I remember thinking to myself that she's very sheltered to believe that everyone gets to be happy and pondered what my experience would be. I also felt a premonition that my college life would be disappointing just like my HS life, but chose to ignore it
A few weeks before packing up to go, I remember reading some post on /r9k/. An anon had posted something like this
I felt very sad reading this, but also nervous. "I won't be like him, I can't afford to be like him" is what I thought
Fast forward to the entrance ceremony. A professor said, among other things, something very similar to what my foid teacher said. That HS and college are your best years, that we should make the most out of them and that things only get worse afterwards
I thought that he was being insensitive. Not all people have fun in these years. I knew because HS was shit for me. "If these years are really the "best" and life really gets that much worse, does that mean that losers should just commit suicide to spare themselves from pain?" was a dark thought the quickly came and passed
A few days passed and I noticed that 99% of my peers had already established their social groups and friendships. I was lagging behind on that aspect, with greetings and smalltalk being just about the most I could get. It was fucking horrifying, at almost every instance I was the only person to be alone and it stood out. Things were developing to be just like HS, confirming my previous occasional pessimistic thoughts
In an unparalleled act of low-inhib, I approached 2 foids I didn't know
I introduced myself, asked about themselves, etc. They weren't rude, but with their short replies and extremely bored voices it became clear that my effort wasn't going anywhere. Inhib went back up and I felt like I was being bothersome, so I excused myself and left
I soon started coping. "Maybe they were tired? Maybe they were shy just like me? Maybe I should've tried to lead the conversation a bit more?" JUST FUCKING LOL
A guy taller and more attractive than me soon approached and legit did almost the same shit I did. Asked the same shit, approached in the same way. I was close so I overheard it. The girls' reaction was on a completely different level. The girls were leading the convo and asked the guy about himself. They were laughing at his "jokes" (normal sentences) every 30 seconds. Etc.
You see this was completely natural, but back then I hadn't taken the BP. I was astonished and pride and narcissism were blinding me. I couldn't accept that the guy was THAT MUCH better than me. Soon after that event I found out about the incel community and the blackpill.
Many weeks later I finally got a friend. Unfortunately he was a giga-normalfag with huge amounts of
. Loud, obnoxious, simp and was low-key putting me down during social situations. Soon we stopped being friends. I also stopped being insecure about being friendless, since I realized that many so-called friendships are completely trash, toxic and not worth the effortI still wanted a gf though
Overally, in my entire college life I must have "hanged out" ~3-4 times
And i think i've taken more time typing this post than all the interactions I've had with girls in my college COMBINED
Tldr:
(i had a bad day and had 0 motivation to do anything. even playing vidya felt like a pain in the ass. sitting on my bed, negative thoughts and feelings started piling up in my head and i wanted to vent)
