Welcome to Incels.is - Involuntary Celibate Forum

Welcome! This is a forum for involuntary celibates: people who lack a significant other. Are you lonely and wish you had someone in your life? You're not alone! Join our forum and talk to people just like you.

Story CHAPTER 1 : "NINE WERE GIVEN THE LIGHT"

  • Thread starter Deleted member 1269
  • Start date
Deleted member 1269

Deleted member 1269

.
-
Joined
Nov 9, 2017
Posts
5,292
Finally, me and you are alone.

I now own you, own your eyes every time you read my words. Let me start with you immediately, we have no more time to waste. You’ll know from my words some stuff, and deny other stuff, you’ll like some, and hate others, but let me tell you something important.

I’LL NEVER LIE TO YOU. I’ll just tell you the truth that no other one has ever told you, will teach you some secrets the no one before me has ever taught you.

I know you hate boredom and you’re not that interested in reading stories, so in order to make you read my story, I invented a game that we’ll play together, me and you.
The cards game. Not Tarot cards, of course. It’s a completely different type of cards, cursed cards. And the most important thing when it comes to those cards, is the order. If you order them in the right way, doors full of secrets will be opened to you. Secrets that no one ever has told you, nor will ever tell you. Dangerous secrets. Everyone who knows them gets doomed in a way or another.

Now let’s play our game. The game that I’ll not tell you it’s name unless we play it first. You only need to know that it’s a game of cards.
Sit in front of me calmly and let’s take a look at the first group of cards that I’ll put on the table, in a certain order.

The first card we have is “The Druids”
36a38ddf9c00ce8dc01b29fb0ade3d21.jpg


The second card we have is “The Templars”
f99b51c35258fcefdc835fb2b3a9b938.jpg


The third card we have is “Secrets Man Was Not Meant To Know”
d4bf03efaae050ce954532ebd41621e6.jpg


The last card we have is “Unlucky 13”
8fd84a74317d3d55c05eabd639c470fb.jpg


And this story will be told to you by one of the seven devils that are watching us now, because it’s a story related to him.

"NINE WERE GIVEN THE LIGHT PT.1"


The greatest thing you can ever do in life is to sell your soul to me. I own everything. I own people, their hearts, their minds. I’ll open you all the closed doors, all without exceptions. Where do aim to reach ? Money ? Power ? Fame ? I give with nothing in return. A real, quick giving you can touch with your hands. I’am the one who was created when the time was created and will exist until the time ends. They hide my name from you, delude you that I’m bad or don’t exist. They want to keep all of the cake to themselves, but I’ll bake you your own, special cake. Tell it with me and don’t be afraid. “Baphomet”. My mighty name is Baphomet. You must be wanting to see me, but you’re not qualified yet. Not because you lack anything, my dear, but because your sensitive heart might shatter from the all the greatness it’d see.

I’ll show you an example of me, an example that follows the rules of your world that I’ve never seen any other world as great at it is. Come with me and fear nothing, come to this church. Ignore how these naked men are having gay sex with each other, ignore the blood on their lips and skin, ignore everything and come forward to this table in front of you. Do you see me now ? Here I’am at the center, here you see Baphomet.

I’ll tell you everything, you have the right to know everything. Come with me to Jerusalem. Not today’s Jerusalem, but Jerusalem from 1000 years ago. A Jerusalem full of rivers of blood, The Muslims’ blood. The blood of their men, children, women. The Muslims are evil as I’ll explain to you later, but that’s not our discussion at the mean time. We won’t talk about those red rivers were flowing in Jerusalem’s streets, we won’t talk about those Muslim women whom The Crusaders were raping, we won’t talk about those children whose heads were crushed underneath the horses’ hooves, we won’t talk about those boiled pots which The Crusaders threw men, women and children, in. We won’t talk about any of this. We’ll talk about a Jerusalem after the drought of blood. The conquered Jerusalem. I call it conquered because The Crusaders conquered it for the first time from Muslims and in my opinion, neither of them have the right to own it. Only “we” have the right. Who are “we” ? That’s what I’ll be talking to you about.

Our talk will be about me in the first. I was trading in ancient antiques in Jerusalem. Don’t ignore this now and ask me about what you saw on that table in the church, this question should be asked later. I was an old man, most of my teeth had fallen, there were 7 thin hairs on my beard. And here I’m sitting half naked in one of the most Jerusalem’s famous baths, Aladdin bath. And the word of “bath” refers to the huge Islamic building that people went for in order to wash themselves. I was in the “heating room” and the steam was heating up my old body. My eyes never missed that muscular man who sits near me and is wondering. I’ve been watching him for days and here has come my chance on a plate of gold to talk to him. The name of that young man was the name that started everything. His name was “Hugues de Payens”. A knight of The Crusaders with Jewish origins. And I want you to remember his “Jewish origins” very well.

- Hugues De Payens, have your wife “Katherine” known about all the Arab women you raped ?

Turned Hugues his head to me as if a snake bit him and said :

- Wha- what are you saying ? Who are you and how did you know the name of my wife ?

- “Katherine Claire”, your wife, has known everything you did. Every woman you raped her body before you teared it with your sword. She has known that you’re sick, Hugues. And I think that I can hear her now telling the whole story to everyone you know.

- What is .. But how you say .. Who are you, you crazy old man ?

Said Hugues with his eyes expanded in shock and surprise.

I looked at his expanded eyes and said :

- I’m your dirty work, Hugues. I’m your dark face that you hide behind the mask of knighthood and religion.

Hugues stood up angrily and hold my neck violently and said :

- Who are you, you filthy Arab ? How dare you speak those dirty words ? And how you know about all this nonsense ?

Everyone in Aladdin bath stopped of what they were doing and they all looked at Hugues in his craziest moments as he screams and threatens the marble column that is near where he’s. Hugues paid them attention for some moments, then he looked again to find emptiness with only marble column in it. He then looked around him like a lunatic searching for me, then he looked at people’s amazement and said :

- But .. He was here ! That crazy, old man .. Didn’t anyone else see him ?

The Christian “Palm Sunday”. The people of Jerusalem gathered together from Crusaders who were holding the palm branches to curious Muslims who were watching them in Qubat Elsakhra’s yard. They then went in a large procession to meet another large procession of clerics, heads of monasteries and one of them was holding the cross in his hands. At that moment, “Hugues De Payens” was in the middle of all of that. And it looked like he was washing himself that day at “Aladdin” bath.

The clerics and in front of them, the cross holder, were circumambulating around the yard and it symbolized the circumambulation of the holy cross around Solomon’s Temple.

I was there, standing among other curious witnesses and then I went near Hugues calmly and said :

- These fools don’t know that they’re circumambulating and beneath them lies a treasure who wins it, wins the whole world and who loses it, loses the whole world.
Hugues looked at me in amazement and said :

- Listen you .. If you stayed in front of me for 1 more minute I’d erase you from existence completely.

-But you listen, Hugues. You’ll receive a message after the sunset from your wife who is in Champagne, France. She’ll tell you about a dream that bothers her every night and makes her unable to sleep. And if what I said doesn’t happen, come and kill me in my shop.

- What will she tell me, you crazy old man ? And what’s your business with my wife ?

Few bodies passed between me and Hugues and they were enough to get me out of his sight. And at sunset, Hugues received a message from his wife telling him that she sees a terrible nightmare everyday. She tells him that she sees an old man with broken teeth circumambulating in the yard of Qubat Elsakhra and in the middle of that yard, she sees Hugues making love with a beheaded woman and his sword lies besides her.

- Are you a magician or what ?

I looked at him through my ancient antiques and said :

- I trade in ancient antiques as you see, sir.

- How did you know about my wife’s name you damned old man ? And how did you know about her dream ?

- Did it bother you ? Do you want her to see all the other women you raped ?

- How do you know all of this ? Who are you exactly ?

- “Baphomet”

- What ?

- I read your mind as an open book, Hugues. You now think about finishing your businesses in Jerusalem and go back to France and never come back here again because the excitement you got from the Crusade satisfied you.

- Who are you ?

- I’am Baphomet, Baphomet who will make you the richest man in Europe, no, in the whole world.

- What do you want from me ? I’m not the one who believes in the myths of swindlers.

- Sure, maybe that’s why you went to the magician “Julian” in Clermont.

Here where Hugues eyes expanded in terror and shock. I was telling him stuff and secrets no one else on the face of earth knows about except him. And his accent started to change from an amazed, hostile one to an interactor, impressed one. And that’s what I wanted from him, to trust me. The human who trusts you becomes like a gum you can chew and form however you like. And I chewed and formed Hugues like a ball that I can throw wherever I want. And I threw him first in Champagne in France where he will do as I want him to do.
 
"NINE WERE GIVEN THE LIGHT PT.2"

Hugues travel in France and there he gathered 8 men, some are his brothers and some are his cousins and all of them have the same Jewish origins like him and he headed with all of them back to Jerusalem and he took them and went to King Baldwin II, the Jerusalem’s Crusader king and he convinced him that it’s necessary to form a special organization of knights to protect the Crusaders pilgrims from the attacks of the jealous Muslims. And even though King Baldwin was convinced, but Hugues was a huge liar. The Muslims wasn’t killing anyone, the killers were the bandits and criminals who only care for money, but Hugues performance was amazing, just like i advised him to do.

That’s how “The Templars” were organized and formed. And they were named that way because King Baldwin gave them their own residence in the suite of the royal palace in the temple mountain. And the word “Temple” is a Jewish word means “The Holy Campus” because The Holy Campus in the Jewish traditions is based on Solomon’s temple. Just where I wanted it to be.

Before we continue the story of the Templars. I’m a devil as you can conclude, which means that I flow in the human’s body like how the blood flows. His thoughts come to me as a book, I open it how I like. Not just that, but I can even edit any page on that book and discuss the human about it until he gets convinced of what I want him to believe. It was very easy to convince Hugues with my words, very easy to convince Baldwin with Hugues’s words, very easy to convince another 8 men with strange words of Hugues. All of this was easy. Easy because I’m Baphomet. Easy because I’m the devil. Easy because I wrap around the human’s thoughts just like how a snake wraps around it’s prey.

The history never recorded even just one case that The Templers protected anyone. They spent their first days in digging, digging under The Holy Campus itself.

- You damned old man, why not come and take a look about the digging yourself ? Why are you standing away ?

- Don’t mind me, continue what you’re doing and If you didn’t find what I promised you, kill me.

- I’ll even drink of your blood, Baphomet. I’ve started to be convinced of the silliness of the whole thing.

- Baphomet, look, there’s a wall here, come and take a look.

- I looked at them with a look that seemed mysterious and I flew away from everything, flew where I belong, today I completed a great work that we all have been waiting for too many years.

The Templars found the books that their ancestors the Rex Deus, buried thousands of years in the past. They never understood how those books can be treasure, they expected a treasure of gold and pearls, but what they found was way much more valuable. Those books were a treasure of another kind. A real treasure of knowledge that will change the whole history. A treasure written by demonic hands, demonic brains, in demonic words. And they read all those books. And by every page they read, a new secret got revealed to them. Secrets that no human should ever know about.

Now let me take you into that church I took you inside when we first talked. Do you ask me why these men are having gay sex with each others in this excitement ? Why they drink from that glass of blood ? What are all those symbols ? I’ll tell you that these are rituals that may seem weird in the beginning, but they guide you to the source of light, they guide you to us. Look at that installed head on the table. It’s the head of Baphomet, the head of the devil. The head of the devil that talks to you right now and it’s what talk to them every time they finish their ritual. They sold their souls, bodies, morals, for Baphomet.

Do you ask me what did they take in return ? Do you want to take like what they took ? They took that no one else has ever taken. They went back to Europe and went from some poor, ordinary knights, to the richest class of people in Europe, no, in the whole world. They were too rich that even kings, and princes borrowed money from them. And their honor was very great that people considered them the most honorable and greatest organization that has ever existed. They also showed the Muslims really bad days, too bad, that when “Salah Ad-Din” captured them, he killed them all, unlike what he did with all the others he caught. Their outer appearance was fascinating, but no one knew why they always close the doors of their churches every time they went in. Only we knew everything. We gave them the light and we will keep giving them the light, until they reach the holder of the light, until they reach …….

And then everything got exposed. Europe woke up to a scandal. The news of capturing The Templars. Suddenly, King Philip IV gave an order to capture all of them. He heard news that they practice magic and insult the cross.

It was a very important event in Europe, what you’ll watch now. In Friday the 13th, woods were set up on a stand in one of the most important streets in Paris. Woods that The Templars bodies were linked to. Knights that Europe thought are the source of all honor. The people of Europe presented their sons to have the honor of being one of those knights. Stars that decided to switch off their lights now. And large crowds of people left their houses and went to see them and stood in front of the stand, feeling angry, confused, sad, about what will happen to those knights.

The whole crowd shout out in a sound that you couldn’t know exactly what did it mean. King Philip IV decided to burn those knights for practicing black magic, insulting and spitting at the cross, having gay sex in in churches, summoning demonic souls, denying Jesus. Crimes they all confessed that they did after King Philip tortured them in the most painful way you could ever imagine. The problem is that he didn’t ignite normal fire for them. He ignited a calm, quiet fire. He wanted them to die as slowly as possible. And the crowd of people were standing looking at all of this.

You may think that this was the end of The Templars, but no. Those who died weren’t even half of The Templars, the other Templars ran away to another place, a place that has no Philip, a place that wanted to achieve independence from England by the lead of “William Wallace”.

The Templars ran away to Scotland.
 
"NINE WERE GIVEN THE LIGHT PT.3"

That’s why Friday the 13th is considered an ominous day, but after reading their story, I can say it was actually a very happy day. The story of The Templars is known in the history of books by it’s ominous end of them getting burned alive, but the books of history always get confused when they wonder about what the first Templars found when they dig under The Holy Campus. In one of those books it was mentioned that they found the books of magic, which sounds true when you see and analyse how The Templars lived and how their actions were like.

Baphomet will look familiar to you. He’s the goat who sits and raises one of his hands and lowers the other one
12573112_1688985744701249_4744232843478039939_n.png


And he’s the same goat you can find it’s head inside the famous David’s star
71wmJY9jxrL._SX355_.jpg


And it looks like the books they found really taught them a lot. They became the richest class in Europe and they established the first banking organization in the world that lent money to common people, special people, kings, princes. And because the interests were forbidden in the Catholic church, they manipulated it and called it “the fees”.

And they ran away to Scotland because it was the only country that wasn’t submitted to the Catholic church. And the king of Scotland, “Robert the Bruce”, welcomed them greatly and they were his secret, deadly weapon that he defeated England with and Scotland got it’s independence. They became very high status in Scotland and they started building their own temples full of satanic symbols again in Scotland. But they learnt from their past mistakes. They learnt to make their organization a very secret one. And they changed it’s name so that no one would suspect them.

Their name may be familiar to you. They named themselves “The Freemasons”.

And in Scotland, they kept doing what they had always been doing. not in churches this time, but in buildings they called “Masonic Temples”. And The Masonic Temple is a temple designed from the inside the same way the claimed, so-called Solomon’s Temple was designed. And it’s the only structure that was described in the Torah in details.

They learnt that the secret of their power is in their invisibility and in the demonic knowledge they have that no one else does. They developed themselves and their organization. They learnt how to hide their books in a very special way so that no one ever could find out about them. They learnt a secret way of encryption that has no other like in the history. That way is Architecture.

They invented a way of Architecture called “Gothic”. A demonic way that makes the buildings full decoration, statues, inscriptions, in a way that looks beautiful. But in reality, it’s a way to storage and hide the secrets in an encryption that is one of it’s kind. And they built a lot of buildings, temples and even churches in the way of gothic. And it became famous in Europe. And on the buildings that are built on the gothic way, you can find statues of Baphomet and others and no one understands their real
meaning and people think they’re some kind of scenery.

Some Examples of the gothic way
f0rbe5_york_minster_chapter_house_290x290.jpg

characteristics_gothic_architecture_own_screaming_gargoyle.jpg

Barcelona-Catedral-Gargola-055.jpg


And they call themselves “Freemasons” because they invented the Gothic way and were the only ones to use it.

And the logo of their organization became the ruler and the caliper.
brand.gif


And once again, The Templars became the richest class in Europe. Because there’s nothing the devils could give you generously more than money and gold. And their invisibility is their point of strength because no one can destroy something invisible.

You’ll hear a lot about Freemasons and most of what you’ll hear is not accurate. And that’s intentional, because the truth is meant to be hidden, but I’ll tell you that truth.

Freemasons, in conclusion, are the 13th tribe of “The Son Of Israel”. As you may or may not know, Jews were divided into 12 tribes by God. Every tribe has a certain system, lifestyle, etc, but The Freemasons are a group of Jews who distanced themselves from all of those tribes and decided to form a special tribe for them, the 13th tribe. And the mission of that tribe, simply, is to rebuild Solomon’s Temple. Don’t ask me why now, you’ll know later.

I see a look of neglect on your face that it’s all nonsense, but don’t rush, everything will be understood gradually.

And know that Masonry and Kabbalah are the same thing. Kabbalah is the Jewish verbal secrets that the Jews claimed God told his prophet Muses verbally. And that because they’re secrets, Muses didn’t write them, he chose his best followers and told them about them. In Kabbalah, there are 32 degrees of wisdom and who follows them finally becomes able to be one with his God. That’s why Masonry is 32 degrees, too. And the 33rd degree is an honorable degree to attribute it’s holder to the 13th tribe of The Sons of Israel.

There are many versions and organizations of Masonry you may heard about before. Like “The Rosicrucian”, “Skull and bones”, “KKK”, “Illuminati”. And each of those organization has a certain mission, but they all follow the steps of Masonry and The Templars.

Sources :

The Secret History of The Knights Templar , Tim Wallace
Rex Deus , Tim Wallace
Collier’s Encyclopedia, Thomson Gale (1985), 1985 Edition, Macmillan Library Reference (1990), “Knights Templars”.
Charles G. Addison, The History of the Knights Templar (1842), pp.4-5, citing a Vatican document by the 13th century Pope Urban IV (Jacques Pantaleon 1195-1264), the Latin Patriarch of Jerusalem, as “Pantaleon, Lib. iii. p. 82.”
Michael Lamy, Les Templiers: Ces Grand Seigneurs aux Blancs Manteaux, Auberon (1994), Bordeaux (1997), p.28.
Keith Laidler, The Head of God: The Lost Treasure of the Templars, 1st Edition, Weidenfeld & Nicolson, London (1998), p.177.
Piers Paul Read, The Templars: The Dramatic History of the Knights Templar, the Most Powerful Military Order of the Crusades, 1st Edition, Weidenfeld & Nicolson, London (1999), Phoenix Press, London (2001), Orion Publishing Group, London (2012), p.305.
Malcolm Barber & Keith Bate, The Templars: Selected Sources, Manchester University Press 2002, p.2.
 
*DON’T READ THIS BEFORE YOU READ THE OP*

What’s the truth about the Satan Baphomet ?
12507182_1688985824701241_4777018389551172361_n.jpg




The first time Baphomet was mentioned in documents, was with a French man who was the first pope France had. His name was “Pope Sylvester II”. And it’s known that that pope was accused of practicing magic and the famous historian “William of Malmesbury” and he was one of the most famous historians in the 12th century, mentioned that the Pope Sylvester had a coppered head and it’s name was Baphomet. And he used “Baphomet” in some weird rituals and it seems like it’s magical as it answers when you ask it.

The second time Baphomet was mentioned is when The Templars were tortured by King Philip IV and they mentioned his name several times and that they worship him. Some of those confessions sounded like they happened because of how brutal the torture was, but some others sounded honest and serious.

The Templers described Baphomet in different ways that’re not related to each other. Some described him as an old man with sharp eyes, some described him as a skull, some described him as a head with 3 faces and sometimes 2 faces, some described him as wooden or coppered head, some described him as a head that lights in the darkness, but they all agreed that they were worshipping him.

Of course, some historians don’t take The Templars confessions seriously as they were brutally tortured, but the historian miss that among those confessions, one of Philip’s spies confessed to him about it as he was sent by Philip to spy on them at their churches and see what they were doing behind closed doors and he said that he saw them practicing magic and worshipping the entity called Baphomet.

This picture is from a church that is one of The Templars old churches. And it’s name is “Saint Merri”
12507521_1688985678034589_8864741741271158844_n.jpg


And as you can see, Baphomet is obvious and he’s a humanoid being with a head of an animal and woman’s breasts and a beard and if The Templars confessions are false, then what about that sculpture ?

Another picture from “San Lorenzo” church and you can see the same man with the same animalistic head and sits in the same way
12507475_1688985591367931_5840064571040891432_n.jpg


And the third time Baphomet was mentioned was in the French Magician “Eliphas Levi’s” book which is called “Dogme Et Ritual De La Haute Magie” and it was released in 1897. And Baphomet was illustrated in a very famous picture in this book and it’s about a man with a head of a goat and the beard of a goat and the breasts of a woman and two horns between them there’s a flame and on his forehead a pentagram, one of his arms is masculine and the other is feminine to express unity with ourselves, one of arms pointing upwards with “Solve” written on it and the other is pointing downward with “Coagula” written on it

12573112_1688985744701249_4744232843478039939_n.png



And Eliphas says about the meaning of the symbols that the point of them was to illustrate that the union of two things that are different and how their meeting produce a universal light. And that is one of the basics of magic. In the picture, we have a union between the human and the animal, the male and female, between the word “Solve” which means melting and the word “Coagula” which means curding and both of them are two chemical processes that oppose each other. The flame of genius and knowledge above his head resembles the light of magic and the universal balance. The hideous face resembles the face of the disobeyed and the rebel.

Eliphas says that Baphomet name is of three parts, “BA PHO MET” and when you reverse the words in the way of Kabbalah they became “TEM OPH AB” and it means “Templi Omnium Hominum Pacts Abbas” and it means “The father of the temple of peace on all men”

And there’s another opinion about Baphomet from “Dr. Hugh Schonfeld”, who was one of the most famous individuals in the team that worked on translating the scripts of “The Dead Sea”. He said that there’s a Jewish code called “Atbash Cipher” which had been used several times to translate some of the scripts of The Dead Sea. And he said that if we applied that code on the word “Baphomet”, we would get the word “Sophia”, which means knowledge in the Greek language.

The fourth time Baphomet was mentioned was from the Magician “Aliester Crowley” And his famous sentence, “I took Baphomet as a personal motto for 6 years. Baphomet is the father.”

And when the famous Satanist “Anton LeVay” established “The Church of Satan” in 1966 and made it’s symbol as you see
12573087_1688985714701252_3992074323432692201_n.jpg


Baphomet in the middle of the pentagram and around it there’re letters which are the letters of the word “Baphomet”

And he mentioned in his book “The Satanic Bible” that The Templars worshipped Baphomet as Satan and that Baphomet is the power of darkness.

That’s all what I know about Baphomet.
 
I divided it to parts because I couldn’t post it all in one post. For LowIQCels, the chapter was mixed with fantasy to make it more interesting, so don’t take all of it too seriously. And for everyone, did you like the chapter ? Do you think I should make more or they’re not good ? For @SergeantIncel, do you think the thread and the chapter are good enough to be pinned ? I want to hear everyone’s thoughts because I really spent dozens of effort on it.
 
It was interesting to read and I looked it up..Occultism was very prevalent in the past
 
I'm actually inspired to start finishing my own manuscripts by you since your writing is very creative and informative. Mods should sticky this.

Have you formatted it into a e-book?
I use www.reedsy.com to try and write which is free and you just copy paste your text and export it to maybe a ebook publishing company like amazon kindle.
I wish more people to read yours
 
Some mistakes in the first part
It's "Has your wife" and not "have your wife"
This is because "wife" is singular
And
"If you stayed in front of me" implies that it's the past but the dialogue's events are set in the present so it's "stay" and not "stayed"
Stand is a better choice of word though.
And
"i'd erase you from existence, completely" OR "i'd completely erase you from existence"
Difference between the two is punctuation and structure which are important.
All in all, that was nice, i will read the other parts later this day.
 
Last edited:
Some mistakes in the first part
It's "Has your wife" and not "have your wife"
This is because "wife" is singular
And
"If you stayed in front of me" implies that it's the past but the dialogue's events are set in the present so it's "stay" and not "stayed"
Stand is a better choice of word though.
And
"i'd erase you from existence, completely" OR "i'd completely erase you from existence"
Difference between the two is punctuation and structure which are important.
All in all, that was nice, i will read the other parts later this day.
Sorry for that, but English is not my native language and i was too tired when i was working on it, so i made some mistakes.
 
Sorry for that, but English is not my native language and i was too tired when i was working on it, so i made some mistakes.
It's alright, thought i may help, keep up the good work.
 
It's alright, thought i may help, keep up the good work.
Thanks man, i appreciate your help and i'll appreciate if you point out more mistakes so i can learn from them and be better.
 
Thanks man, i appreciate your help and i'll appreciate if you point out more mistakes so i can learn from them and be better.
Will do after i finish reading the remaining chapters.
 
I'm actually inspired to start finishing my own manuscripts by you since your writing is very creative and informative. Mods should sticky this.

Have you formatted it into a e-book?
I use www.reedsy.com to try and write which is free and you just copy paste your text and export it to maybe a ebook publishing company like amazon kindle.
I wish more people to read yours
I didn't take this too seriously as i expected beforehand that no one here would give a shit, so i think no one would give a shit either if i uploaded it on that website lol.
 
Second part
"Traveled in france" to "traveled to france"
This is because he was in jerusalem and went back to france.
"And even though king baldwin was convinced"
Remove "and even though" for better syntax
"Huge liar"
Replace with "cunning liar" as a better, more formal speak.
"The muslims wasn't killing
Replace with "the muslims weren't
killing anyone"
Muslims is a plural noun so wasn't is false
"A jewish word"
No such thing, it's a "hebrew word"
There is a missing 'that' afterwards
"And discuss the human about it"
Too heavy and convoluted
"And whisper in his ear about it"
"Gets convinced" too, change it to "is convinced"
"I've started to be convinced"
'Started' is past "i'm starting to be convinced" is present which fits the dialogue
Add 'of the world' after "the whole history"
"And by every page they read"
Chang it to "and with every page they read" for better syntax
Change "gay sex" to 'homosexual intercouse' for historical contextualization and remove "in this excitement" it's unnecessary and cumbersome.
"The head of the devil..."
Replace with
"The head of the devil that talks to you right now is the same that talks to them everytime they finish their rituals"
"Do you ask me what did they take in return?"
Change to this for better syntax
"Do you ask me what they had taken in return?"
Remove "like" from the next phrase
"They took that no one else"
Change to "they took what no one else"
For syntax' sake
"They were too rich"
Change to "they were so rich"
Again with the syntax
"Was very great
Change to "was so great" for better syntax
"They also showed the muslims really bad days"
Change to "they treated the muslims harshly"
Better syntax that way
"And insult the cross"
Change to "and insulted the cross"
Insult is a noun, insulted is a verb
"It was a very important event in europe what you'll watch now"
Change to "what you are about to see is a very important event in europe's history"
Better syntax
Change "woods" to "crosses" and "linked to" to "nailed on"

I will have to go now but i will continue this later
 
Um. Ok. That's a lot. Just skimmed through it and saw occult symbols. It's likely over for OP. Will read it later.
 
Damn, they got you, anyway, here's the continuation for part 2
"The whole crowd shout out"
"Shout" is not congugated proprely, replace "shout out" with "shouted out"
"In a sound that you couldn't know exactly what did it mean"
Erroneous syntax and tense
Change to
"in a sound which you could not exactly undersatand what it meant"
"Spitting at the cross" change to "spitting on the cross" the cross is an object
Change "denying jesus" to "denying jesus's existence"
OR
"Disbelieving in jesus"
"The problem is that he didn't ignite normal fire for them"
Change to
"The problem was that he didn't ignite a strong enough fire for them to burn in"
Fixed tense and syntax that way
Change "all of this" to "all of that"
Past tense
"A place that has no..."
Change "has" to "had"
Past tense
 
Damn, they got you, anyway, here's the continuation for part 2
"The whole crowd shout out"
"Shout" is not congugated proprely, replace "shout out" with "shouted out"
"In a sound that you couldn't know exactly what did it mean"
Erroneous syntax and tense
Change to
"in a sound which you could not exactly undersatand what it meant"
"Spitting at the cross" change to "spitting on the cross" the cross is an object
Change "denying jesus" to "denying jesus's existence"
OR
"Disbelieving in jesus"
"The problem is that he didn't ignite normal fire for them"
Change to
"The problem was that he didn't ignite a strong enough fire for them to burn in"
Fixed tense and syntax that way
Change "all of this" to "all of that"
Past tense
"A place that has no..."
Change "has" to "had"
Past tense
Stanx be like: I would change it but I'm banned :feelsree:
 
Forever?
Profile doesn't exist anymore so what happened?
Good question. I don't know why he was banned. Hope admins will unban him eventually. Most people get unbanned after a couple of days.
 
Good question. I don't know why he was banned. Hope admins will unban him eventually. Most people get unbanned after a couple of days.
Profile's non-existent, never seen anyone with inexisting profiles get unbanned so i think it's over for him.
 
Profile's non-existent, never seen anyone with inexisting profiles get unbanned so i think it's over for him.
Now that you mention it. True, his profile is completely gone. Permaban would be a mega bummer. Look at the high effort posts he made. Our board needs quality. Nothing against shit posting, I love it, but we need some intellectual stimulation as well.
 
Now that you mention it. True, his profile is completely gone. Permaban would be a mega bummer. Look at the high effort posts he made. Our board needs quality. Nothing against shit posting, I love it, but we need some intellectual stimulation as well.
True, hopefuly the admin responds as to why he was banned.
 

Similar threads

Chang Longwang
Replies
26
Views
419
cleftpalatecel
cleftpalatecel
Clavicus Vile
Replies
12
Views
170
Defetivecuckachu
Defetivecuckachu
TrueGlassesCel
Replies
14
Views
171
Moroccancel
Moroccancel
Dneum912
Replies
6
Views
128
Based NaziCel
Based NaziCel

Users who are viewing this thread

shape1
shape2
shape3
shape4
shape5
shape6
Back
Top