Many a days I find myself going through life and its motions with a pervasive and domineering feeling of exclusion - it feels as though I have been denied a chance to experience normalcy in life and by extension life itself for its only those who are normal can really experience life as it ought to be experienced - the rest of us burdened with the curse of neurodiversity and a ugly vessel that is our body have been tormented so often by others that we have been dehumanised internally. Bruises on the outside as well on the inside and the inside has been left so deformed that we can hardly experience anything positive - I have been scarred so bad that at my worst I feel even my mom who is truly and completely loving and kind with no exceptions in my 21 years of life is conspiring against me and secretly verbally abusing me behind my back. This has been the experience of Noko, who is the lead and the creative mastermind behind the Japanese band Shinsei Kamattechan. His songs deal with precisely this phenomenon - of having been tormented and scarred so badly there remains absolutely nothing but horror and trauma in your mind and you are left in a despairing pit that you just know you cannot escape.
Noko during a live performance in 2010
“Die, Satō”, shouts Noko, his voice’s pitch shifted by a vocal processor to sound child-like. This pitch-shifted voice is heard in many of Noko’s songs. Satō, a Japanese surname, in the song designates a real-life person –a harasser who bullied Noko in anelementary school and junior high school. “Each time I imagine my death it is because of you” - the song goes. Noko had multiple bullies but Sato stood out - he would bully him by locking him in the toilet, pouring hot water on him, blackmailing him for money among other ostensibly worse things that Noko probably conceals and hasn't revealed in his streams because he is surprisingly a private person - his songs are just that - a coping mechanism.
In Noko’s volume of poems, next to the lyrics of the song we find a quote: “Because Satō changed my life. He ripped it out of the ground and turned it upside-down. He is the one who gave me my first nickname, ‘Ōshima alien’”
The bullying which started in primary school eventually crescendoed to a point where he was forced to drop out in junior high. He had changed schools before dropping out and been to one where he was left to himself but he had experienced debilitating PTSD by then thus making it impossible to function in public and so he embraced neetdom.
Many of his songs are about his trauma and how it bludgeoned him to insanity and made him want to go ER - 達なんていらない死ね(‘I need no friends, die’) talks about the desire for revenge and a wish to self isolate in a bid at self preservation. (“There is one person whose head I would shoot off with a shotgun/and eat it with stew”) as referring to Satō" the song's chorus says)
I relate to this song a lot. I would lock myself in the bathroom in the morning when it was school time and refuse to come out until the bus had already left and it was too late for my father to take me to school so I would not have to go. I used to do this in junior and senior high school alike.
And this is what precisely the "just put yourself out there" copers never understand. I am not trying to reason with normfags - it is utterly useless but I want to highlight these experiences to highlight something important. A lack of positive reinforcement is deadly enough to condemn one to failure but bullying scars you so bad that you become schizophrenic - you can hear people laughing among themselves and they would be far from you and logic would have you know it cannot possibly be you they are laughing about and this is very likely true but your brain which has turned to mush from bullying wails inside and you become incapacitated. You are frozen mentally. You can't move and all the memories you have of being mistreated flash in front of your eyes.
In 天使じゃ地上じゃちっそく死 (If You're an Angel You're Will Suffocate to Death) he laments how it is the good who are crushed to death and broken beyond repair and wishes death upon himself.
Having dropped out, Noko plunged into neetdom that he would playfully and sarcastically refer to as being a "prolonged summer vacation"
Noko dropped out of school and later became a hikikomori and NEET. The theory of hikikomori resulting frompoverty is one that is the most interesting in the context of this post, since Noko’s father is part of the working poor. There is an improvised, unreleased song on YouTube of that the title and the chorus singsOyaji Wāpua Ore Nīto親父ワープア俺ニート(‘My old man is working poor, I am a NEET’. In the context of Noko’s life aconnection betweenijime and being a NEET is evidenced. Research saysthat 45,5% of the hikikomori population are not burdened with mental illness(Umeda and Kawakami 2012: 121). In the case of Noko, it is otherwise.
thread end: there is so much more to his life's story - I barely touched on his experience with mental illnesses stemming from bullying and torture. I literally just got bullied 10 minutes ago and it really is quite awful. I relate to every facet of his life and songs. It's brutal out there, buddy boyos. St Hamudi was right in commanding us to "never leave your basements"
interested brocels: @NoIdeaWhatToDo @VictimofBpillReaper @SandNiggerKANG @lonelysince2006 @Da_Yunez @VideoGameCoper @cinderogre @SociallyStupid @DarkStarDownBad @Ron.Belgrade @Blackpill Monk @XtremeMax @Lonelyus @adharmi @Runt171 @hopeless_cel
a song for our forums neetmaxxers
Noko during a live performance in 2010
“Die, Satō”, shouts Noko, his voice’s pitch shifted by a vocal processor to sound child-like. This pitch-shifted voice is heard in many of Noko’s songs. Satō, a Japanese surname, in the song designates a real-life person –a harasser who bullied Noko in anelementary school and junior high school. “Each time I imagine my death it is because of you” - the song goes. Noko had multiple bullies but Sato stood out - he would bully him by locking him in the toilet, pouring hot water on him, blackmailing him for money among other ostensibly worse things that Noko probably conceals and hasn't revealed in his streams because he is surprisingly a private person - his songs are just that - a coping mechanism.
In Noko’s volume of poems, next to the lyrics of the song we find a quote: “Because Satō changed my life. He ripped it out of the ground and turned it upside-down. He is the one who gave me my first nickname, ‘Ōshima alien’”
The bullying which started in primary school eventually crescendoed to a point where he was forced to drop out in junior high. He had changed schools before dropping out and been to one where he was left to himself but he had experienced debilitating PTSD by then thus making it impossible to function in public and so he embraced neetdom.
Many of his songs are about his trauma and how it bludgeoned him to insanity and made him want to go ER - 達なんていらない死ね(‘I need no friends, die’) talks about the desire for revenge and a wish to self isolate in a bid at self preservation. (“There is one person whose head I would shoot off with a shotgun/and eat it with stew”) as referring to Satō" the song's chorus says)
I relate to this song a lot. I would lock myself in the bathroom in the morning when it was school time and refuse to come out until the bus had already left and it was too late for my father to take me to school so I would not have to go. I used to do this in junior and senior high school alike.
And this is what precisely the "just put yourself out there" copers never understand. I am not trying to reason with normfags - it is utterly useless but I want to highlight these experiences to highlight something important. A lack of positive reinforcement is deadly enough to condemn one to failure but bullying scars you so bad that you become schizophrenic - you can hear people laughing among themselves and they would be far from you and logic would have you know it cannot possibly be you they are laughing about and this is very likely true but your brain which has turned to mush from bullying wails inside and you become incapacitated. You are frozen mentally. You can't move and all the memories you have of being mistreated flash in front of your eyes.
In 天使じゃ地上じゃちっそく死 (If You're an Angel You're Will Suffocate to Death) he laments how it is the good who are crushed to death and broken beyond repair and wishes death upon himself.
Having dropped out, Noko plunged into neetdom that he would playfully and sarcastically refer to as being a "prolonged summer vacation"
The body and the mind collude to shut themselves down to keep the person from going crazy and killing themselves - one among the many self preservation mechanisms and this manifests in complete emotional numbness and a perpetual sense of detachment from reality, a condition christened "DPDR" and it figures prominently among the bullied and the abused, especially so if these experiences were among the formative years of a person's life.
Noko dropped out of school and later became a hikikomori and NEET. The theory of hikikomori resulting frompoverty is one that is the most interesting in the context of this post, since Noko’s father is part of the working poor. There is an improvised, unreleased song on YouTube of that the title and the chorus singsOyaji Wāpua Ore Nīto親父ワープア俺ニート(‘My old man is working poor, I am a NEET’. In the context of Noko’s life aconnection betweenijime and being a NEET is evidenced. Research saysthat 45,5% of the hikikomori population are not burdened with mental illness(Umeda and Kawakami 2012: 121). In the case of Noko, it is otherwise.
thread end: there is so much more to his life's story - I barely touched on his experience with mental illnesses stemming from bullying and torture. I literally just got bullied 10 minutes ago and it really is quite awful. I relate to every facet of his life and songs. It's brutal out there, buddy boyos. St Hamudi was right in commanding us to "never leave your basements"
interested brocels: @NoIdeaWhatToDo @VictimofBpillReaper @SandNiggerKANG @lonelysince2006 @Da_Yunez @VideoGameCoper @cinderogre @SociallyStupid @DarkStarDownBad @Ron.Belgrade @Blackpill Monk @XtremeMax @Lonelyus @adharmi @Runt171 @hopeless_cel
a song for our forums neetmaxxers
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