I just came upon this article that offered insight into a new study showing a correlation between bully victims and social, sexual, and economic issues later in life. It was apparently a lengthy study that followed hundreds of people from childhood all the way into their 30's. I love this kind of stuff so I avidly read the whole thing.
It hit home. Hard. I don't know about you all but as a kid and especially middle-high school I never really fit in. The sole reason was I was very shy and quiet. I had friends but was never one of the dreaded popular kids or fucking jocks. Nobody really noticed me until they decided to fuck with me. The abuse was multifaceted too. Mental and physical. It went on for years. And I could feel my soul grow dimmer each passing day.
I'm now 38. I'm not shy nor quiet. I'd probably kill people were I ever subjected to the same treatment now. Nobody would dare. But looking back at the past 19 years since HS (time goes by so quick) it's very evident how much it fucked me up. Endless counseling, meds, physically draining anxiety and depression, muktuiple suicide attempts, FUCKED up dating life if I was ever lucky enough to get someone to notice me, sexual confusion, rage, shit job to shit job, inability to work well with others, inability to respect authority, endless financial issues, and of course alcohol and drug abuse.
I'm 38 years old and while not a NEET I'm pretty fucking close. I work for myself and treading water as best I can. I was laid off twice so I couldn't get my own place like I wanted to as my savings dried up. I pay my parents rent while all I do is work and come home and nap and play video games. Love gaming.... but unlike normal dudes I don't have my own place. I'm 38 years old. Being diagnosed with fibro/arthritis five years ago meant chronic pain every day but I'm doing the best I can with otc and naturopathics.
School is an option and I intended to go this fall. Then I learn about how shit the job market really is. ANYTHING lucrative or creative is saturated af. When I was younger I was really into theater and acting and intended on going into that. I was interested in cinematography too. But I think being bullied killed off that part of me that wanted to try. Like the dream died. But its soul haunts me every day... whispering to me of all I could have been.
I posted this cuz I'm angry. Like many of you. I'm pissed at getting fucked by life. Those pieces of shit who made my life hell as a kid have illustrious careers now. Making bank, drive sweet luxury cars, own nice homes, married, having fucking babies, cheating on their spouses having fun in clubs and hotel rooms, active social lives, etc. While I struggle in ways they couldn't even imagine. I'm not saying their lives are perfect but it's easier when you carry a Platinum amex, hop into your whisper quiet luxury car interior or premium 45k suv, drive to a cushy ass job on workdays or going to walk downtown with your spouse for lunch. I don't have any of that shit and probably never will.
So when people told me as a kid that I'd be happy and living a great life while my bullies would be asking if I wanted fries with my order I first learned what cope was. That was mental cope to protect me from the harsh reality. My life turned out shit. THEY ended up with the good life. I ended here. Posting on an incel site at 5 in the morning.
It hit home. Hard. I don't know about you all but as a kid and especially middle-high school I never really fit in. The sole reason was I was very shy and quiet. I had friends but was never one of the dreaded popular kids or fucking jocks. Nobody really noticed me until they decided to fuck with me. The abuse was multifaceted too. Mental and physical. It went on for years. And I could feel my soul grow dimmer each passing day.
I'm now 38. I'm not shy nor quiet. I'd probably kill people were I ever subjected to the same treatment now. Nobody would dare. But looking back at the past 19 years since HS (time goes by so quick) it's very evident how much it fucked me up. Endless counseling, meds, physically draining anxiety and depression, muktuiple suicide attempts, FUCKED up dating life if I was ever lucky enough to get someone to notice me, sexual confusion, rage, shit job to shit job, inability to work well with others, inability to respect authority, endless financial issues, and of course alcohol and drug abuse.
I'm 38 years old and while not a NEET I'm pretty fucking close. I work for myself and treading water as best I can. I was laid off twice so I couldn't get my own place like I wanted to as my savings dried up. I pay my parents rent while all I do is work and come home and nap and play video games. Love gaming.... but unlike normal dudes I don't have my own place. I'm 38 years old. Being diagnosed with fibro/arthritis five years ago meant chronic pain every day but I'm doing the best I can with otc and naturopathics.
School is an option and I intended to go this fall. Then I learn about how shit the job market really is. ANYTHING lucrative or creative is saturated af. When I was younger I was really into theater and acting and intended on going into that. I was interested in cinematography too. But I think being bullied killed off that part of me that wanted to try. Like the dream died. But its soul haunts me every day... whispering to me of all I could have been.
I posted this cuz I'm angry. Like many of you. I'm pissed at getting fucked by life. Those pieces of shit who made my life hell as a kid have illustrious careers now. Making bank, drive sweet luxury cars, own nice homes, married, having fucking babies, cheating on their spouses having fun in clubs and hotel rooms, active social lives, etc. While I struggle in ways they couldn't even imagine. I'm not saying their lives are perfect but it's easier when you carry a Platinum amex, hop into your whisper quiet luxury car interior or premium 45k suv, drive to a cushy ass job on workdays or going to walk downtown with your spouse for lunch. I don't have any of that shit and probably never will.
So when people told me as a kid that I'd be happy and living a great life while my bullies would be asking if I wanted fries with my order I first learned what cope was. That was mental cope to protect me from the harsh reality. My life turned out shit. THEY ended up with the good life. I ended here. Posting on an incel site at 5 in the morning.
