It seems like post will be kinda big, but i assure you that it's very important to read not only because i would really appreciate it but because some global things will be in this thread. I want to start from my story, then we'll encounter real problems, huh...
Im new here, but i've been monitoring topics at sites like sluthate for some time and, actually, im in this theme for like 2 years. It all started from "i want to attract girls with pickup", then i found, that my chin isn't that big, my nose is too big etc (i want better looks), then NOFAP, then MGTOW, then redpill, looksmax, mewing and all that stuff.
I'm 17 years old, was shy after kindergarten (the only place, where i was kinda alpha), got no "girls" before 5-7 grade, some normie (for that moment, now they are somewhere at top tier) girls tried to approach me, but i rejected them and loved (yes, i was so fucking beta because all that media and upbringing shit) another girl, who rejected me. I always had some friends, always had good sense of humour. But it seems like im unattractive now. Not because i'm REALLY ugly (maybe i'm just average or slightly belove, if we are harsh), but because i'm feminine looking. I used to be tallest guy, but now im not (~1.81cm). I'm short torso, widish hips (not that adonis belt zone, legs hips), mostly rectangular, long and quite thin neck, no angularity in face, mature hairline from birth (i suppose). I was told to have quite attractive eyes (green, as people say, look deep down in soul lool, vertically narrowish, but imho not enough deep-setted because little lack of masculine feautures). I'm more intellectual than average guy, but not nerd. That's why i preferred to do websites and games at my 11-14, not playing football etc (but i went some sports like karate and basketball a bit). My first jerk off was when i was like 6 years... Girls in these latter days tell me that they can laugh even if i do nothing. They laugh at my jokes, but too hard. I'm starting to think that i'm kinda goofy, because if i'm not approachable, but girls near me can laugh not only at my jokes but at nothing (or at me) it's a sign.
So, i found out my problem, but... seems like no hope to me and i even tried to suicide in rage when quarreled with his parents. I'm average, but i don't want to be, really. I tried to analyse what can i do, but seems like no hope. My classmate has fucking huge browridge and robust face, while im older than him lol. I didn't practise sports during early puberty, i fapped like every day 1 time per day or like that and i don't know how it affected me. Could i really be more masculine if i didn't fap and was sportsman or it's just mostly genetics. My father, actually, not really masculine, strange hips shape, widish a bit, but he was in shape because lived in the village, thin wrists, long neck, but not too narrow and fragile, seems like that. But he has a better jawline, chin, nose and browridge than i do.
What about global prolems... environment. Especially water. I found out, that there a lot of estrogens everywhere, especially in the water. And other environment problems, i suppose you understand it without my words. My family is in some money trouble situation, so no hope for compensating it with food or steroids (which are really expensive and dangerous, as i suppose, but i know nearly nothing about them, maybe they're not really so) and could they actually compensate?
So, why i'm writing? At first, i needed to find people, who will understand me, and i found. Now I want to share my opinion with you and discuss things which are "wtf are u talking about haha idiot" for my parents and friends, cause they're bluepilled (not at everything, but at this sphere anyway). Second thing is i want you to tell me, what is truth in your opinion, what isn't and why. The last thing is, you know, i really wanna know what can i improve to become NORMAL NATURAL MALE. It's not even about fucking chicks, but feeling the way u supposed to be, to be confident because u are who u are (a man). Maybe it's still some time and chances for me to improve my masculinity. And i'm really dissapointed knowing how world is fucked up in many ways in my 17, you know. And more do i when understand that it's not just how nature works, but more like how people's nature is fucking freakish - they don't care about themselves in future. Or it's just some fucking illuminati conspiracy, who knows. Life is too complicated...
I'm not english native-speaker, sorry if some mistakes were made. Hope you'll share your opinion about it. I maybe will complement this post, maybe.
Im new here, but i've been monitoring topics at sites like sluthate for some time and, actually, im in this theme for like 2 years. It all started from "i want to attract girls with pickup", then i found, that my chin isn't that big, my nose is too big etc (i want better looks), then NOFAP, then MGTOW, then redpill, looksmax, mewing and all that stuff.
I'm 17 years old, was shy after kindergarten (the only place, where i was kinda alpha), got no "girls" before 5-7 grade, some normie (for that moment, now they are somewhere at top tier) girls tried to approach me, but i rejected them and loved (yes, i was so fucking beta because all that media and upbringing shit) another girl, who rejected me. I always had some friends, always had good sense of humour. But it seems like im unattractive now. Not because i'm REALLY ugly (maybe i'm just average or slightly belove, if we are harsh), but because i'm feminine looking. I used to be tallest guy, but now im not (~1.81cm). I'm short torso, widish hips (not that adonis belt zone, legs hips), mostly rectangular, long and quite thin neck, no angularity in face, mature hairline from birth (i suppose). I was told to have quite attractive eyes (green, as people say, look deep down in soul lool, vertically narrowish, but imho not enough deep-setted because little lack of masculine feautures). I'm more intellectual than average guy, but not nerd. That's why i preferred to do websites and games at my 11-14, not playing football etc (but i went some sports like karate and basketball a bit). My first jerk off was when i was like 6 years... Girls in these latter days tell me that they can laugh even if i do nothing. They laugh at my jokes, but too hard. I'm starting to think that i'm kinda goofy, because if i'm not approachable, but girls near me can laugh not only at my jokes but at nothing (or at me) it's a sign.
So, i found out my problem, but... seems like no hope to me and i even tried to suicide in rage when quarreled with his parents. I'm average, but i don't want to be, really. I tried to analyse what can i do, but seems like no hope. My classmate has fucking huge browridge and robust face, while im older than him lol. I didn't practise sports during early puberty, i fapped like every day 1 time per day or like that and i don't know how it affected me. Could i really be more masculine if i didn't fap and was sportsman or it's just mostly genetics. My father, actually, not really masculine, strange hips shape, widish a bit, but he was in shape because lived in the village, thin wrists, long neck, but not too narrow and fragile, seems like that. But he has a better jawline, chin, nose and browridge than i do.
What about global prolems... environment. Especially water. I found out, that there a lot of estrogens everywhere, especially in the water. And other environment problems, i suppose you understand it without my words. My family is in some money trouble situation, so no hope for compensating it with food or steroids (which are really expensive and dangerous, as i suppose, but i know nearly nothing about them, maybe they're not really so) and could they actually compensate?
So, why i'm writing? At first, i needed to find people, who will understand me, and i found. Now I want to share my opinion with you and discuss things which are "wtf are u talking about haha idiot" for my parents and friends, cause they're bluepilled (not at everything, but at this sphere anyway). Second thing is i want you to tell me, what is truth in your opinion, what isn't and why. The last thing is, you know, i really wanna know what can i improve to become NORMAL NATURAL MALE. It's not even about fucking chicks, but feeling the way u supposed to be, to be confident because u are who u are (a man). Maybe it's still some time and chances for me to improve my masculinity. And i'm really dissapointed knowing how world is fucked up in many ways in my 17, you know. And more do i when understand that it's not just how nature works, but more like how people's nature is fucking freakish - they don't care about themselves in future. Or it's just some fucking illuminati conspiracy, who knows. Life is too complicated...
I'm not english native-speaker, sorry if some mistakes were made. Hope you'll share your opinion about it. I maybe will complement this post, maybe.
