Thailand
In Thailand, bride price—sin sod (Thai: สินสอด, pronounced [sĭn sòt] and often erroneously referred to by the English term "dowry") is common in both Thai-Thai and Thai-foreign marriages. The bride price may range from nothing—if the woman is divorced, has a child fathered by another man, or is widely known to have had premarital relations with men—to tens of millions of Thai baht (US$300,000 or ~9,567,757 THB) for a woman of high social standing, a beauty queen, or a highly educated woman. The bride price in Thailand is paid at the engagement ceremony, and consists of three elements: cash, Thai (96.5 percent pure) gold, and the more recent Western tradition of a diamond ring. The most commonly stated rationale for the bride price in Thailand is that it allows the groom to demonstrate that he has enough financial resources to support the bride (and possibly her family) after the wedding. In many cases, especially when the amount is large, the parents of a Thai bride will return all or part of the bride price to the couple in the form of a wedding gift following the engagement ceremony.
Central Asia
In many parts of Central Asia nowadays, bride price is mostly symbolic. Various names for it in Central Asia include Kazakh: қалыңмал [qaləɴmal], Kyrgyz: калың [qɑlɯ́ŋ], Uzbek: qalin [qalɨn], and Russian: калым [kɐˈɫɨm]. It is also common in Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan. The price may range from a small sum of money or a single piece of livestock to what amounts to a herd of livestock, depending on local traditions and the expectations and agreements of the families involved.The tradition is upheld in Afghanistan. A "dark distortion" of it involved a 6-year-old daughter of an Afghan refugee from Helmand Province in a Kabul refugee camp, who was to be married to the son of the money lender who provided with the girl's father $2500 so the man could pay medical bills. According to anthropologist Deniz Kandiyoti, the practice increased after the fall of the Taliban. It is still practised by Muslims in the region and is called Mahr.
China
In traditional Chinese culture, an auspicious date is selected to ti qin (simplified Chinese: 提亲; traditional Chinese: 提親; lit. 'propose marriage'), where both families will meet to discuss the amount of the bride price (Chinese: 聘金; pinyin: pìn jīn) demanded, among other things. Several weeks before the actual wedding, the ritual of guo da li (simplified Chinese: 过大礼; traditional Chinese: 過大禮; lit. 'going through the great ceremony') takes place (on an auspicious date). The groom and a matchmaker will visit the bride's family bearing gifts like wedding cakes, sweetmeats and jewelry, as well as the bride price. On the actual wedding day, the bride's family will return a portion of the bride price (sometimes in the form of dowry) and a set of gifts as a goodwill gesture.
Bride prices vary from RMB 1,000,000 in famously money-centric Shanghai to as little as RMB 10,000. A house is often required along with the bride price (an apartment is acceptable, but rentals are not) and a car under both or only the bride's name, neither of which are counted toward the bride price itself. In some regions, the bride's family may demand other kinds of gifts,none counted toward the bride price itself. May 18 is a particularly auspicious day on which to pay the bride price and marry as its Chinese wording is phonetically similar to "I will get rich".Bride prices are rising quickly in China largely without documentation but a definite verbal and cultural understanding of where bride prices are today. Gender inequality in China has increased competition for ever higher bride prices. Financial distress is an unacceptable and ignored justification for not paying the bride price. If the grooms' side cannot agree or pay, they or simply the groom himself must still pay a bride price [29] thus borrowing from relatives is a popular if not required option to "save face". Inability to pay is cause for preventing a marriage which either side can equally recommend. Privately, families need bride prices due to China's lack of a social security net[citation needed] and a one child policy which leaves parents with neither retirement funding nor caretaking if their only child is taken away as brides typically move into the groom's residence upon marrying as well as testing the groom's ability to marry by paying cash and emotionally giving up his resources to the bride. Publicly, families cite bride price as insurance in case the man abandons or divorces the wife and that the bride price creates goodwill between families. The groom's side should pay more than what the bride's side has demanded to "save face". Amounts preferably follow the usual red envelope conventions though the sum is far more important.
Bride Price in Uganda
Bride price is a bit of a misnomer because the bride isn’t actually appraised in value — thank goodness. Generally, the term refers to the payment made in exchange for the bride’s family’s loss of her labor or education fees. The custom varies between tribes.
Among the Bagisu, the customary bride price is four cows, four goats and some cash while among the Bakonzo tribe, it’s one hoe, one blanket, 12 goats and 12 jerry cans of local brew. Actually, the deal can be sealed with as little as a single hoe or bag of sugar. Customary law establishes that once the gift is physically accepted by the elders, the transaction is final. Unlike most African purchases, however, this purchase is 100% refundable.
Offering a goat for the bride price
So here’s the interesting stuff…
When a bride is “purchased,” she generally becomes the property of her new husband and whoever else contributed to the bride price, typically the clan or extended family. Therefore, if she “misbehaves,” her husband can seek damages and recover the bride price.
Further, since the clan also has a stake in the outcome of the marriage, the bride is, for all intents and purposes, considered property of the clan and community. An unfaithful wife will not only face a beating by her husband, but also the wrath and ostracism of the clan.
Generally, African women view marriage as a sacred contract and follow their traditional roles — a life of servitude and obedience to their husbands, somewhat reminiscent of America’s pre-feminist days. Many African women take great pride in serving their husbands and consider it an important function to “protect” them.
The groom and bride
While village women stay close to home to attend to domestic duties, men enjoy their freedom in the trading centers or in distant homes where they may keep another wife or two. (The brother of my host has five wives.)
Polygamy
Polygamy (technically polygyny) is practiced widely in Uganda and many parts of Africa, particularly in rural settings. Its origins range from ensuring population growth to securing bonds between clans. It’s a hotly debated topic, and Kenya recently passed a bill legalizing it, bringing civil law in line with customary law. Legal or not, the vast majority of Kenyan and Ugandan men have multiple partners.
I can’t yet determine why educated women knowingly enter into a co-wife or polygamous arrangement, but it’s very common. Perhaps the fear of being alone is too great. Better to marry in a co-wife arrangement than to marry no one. (Remaining single is not an option in the village.) My sympathy really goes to the first wife, who often marries her true love, unaware that within a few years, her status may downgrade from “wife” to “first wife.”
The Downside of Polygamy
Most of my male African acquaintances maintain multiple relationships outside their first marriage. It’s an aspect of the culture that I shouldn’t judge, but I’m critical of the practice.
Sanctioned extramarital activity, as its practiced in sub-Saharan Africa casts a wide sexual net that accelerates the spread of sexually transmitted infections. At the health clinic, we see women repeatedly infected with syphilis due to their philandering husbands. It takes a strong woman to turn down her husband’s sexual advances, and many women are beaten if they refuse. Even if her partner is HIV+, it’s culturally unacceptable for a woman to turn him away. Needless to say, extramarital sex is a major contributor to the spread of HIV in SSA.
There are many reasons I object to polygamy as I see it practiced in Africa today, but the most obvious argument is that polygamy doesn’t respect the principle of equality between men and women. It demeans women. Further, it’s heartbreaking to see women abandoned without the legal option to divorce or remarry. Estranged wives are terribly lonely and often left with few resources to care for their children.
Generally I see many men enter into a marriage with intentions to remain monogamous. Eventually, however, they get sidetracked, get a girl pregnant and then rationalize polygamy. One could argue that by marrying their pregnant mistresses, they are acting responsibly
In Thailand, bride price—sin sod (Thai: สินสอด, pronounced [sĭn sòt] and often erroneously referred to by the English term "dowry") is common in both Thai-Thai and Thai-foreign marriages. The bride price may range from nothing—if the woman is divorced, has a child fathered by another man, or is widely known to have had premarital relations with men—to tens of millions of Thai baht (US$300,000 or ~9,567,757 THB) for a woman of high social standing, a beauty queen, or a highly educated woman. The bride price in Thailand is paid at the engagement ceremony, and consists of three elements: cash, Thai (96.5 percent pure) gold, and the more recent Western tradition of a diamond ring. The most commonly stated rationale for the bride price in Thailand is that it allows the groom to demonstrate that he has enough financial resources to support the bride (and possibly her family) after the wedding. In many cases, especially when the amount is large, the parents of a Thai bride will return all or part of the bride price to the couple in the form of a wedding gift following the engagement ceremony.
Central Asia
In many parts of Central Asia nowadays, bride price is mostly symbolic. Various names for it in Central Asia include Kazakh: қалыңмал [qaləɴmal], Kyrgyz: калың [qɑlɯ́ŋ], Uzbek: qalin [qalɨn], and Russian: калым [kɐˈɫɨm]. It is also common in Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan. The price may range from a small sum of money or a single piece of livestock to what amounts to a herd of livestock, depending on local traditions and the expectations and agreements of the families involved.The tradition is upheld in Afghanistan. A "dark distortion" of it involved a 6-year-old daughter of an Afghan refugee from Helmand Province in a Kabul refugee camp, who was to be married to the son of the money lender who provided with the girl's father $2500 so the man could pay medical bills. According to anthropologist Deniz Kandiyoti, the practice increased after the fall of the Taliban. It is still practised by Muslims in the region and is called Mahr.
China
In traditional Chinese culture, an auspicious date is selected to ti qin (simplified Chinese: 提亲; traditional Chinese: 提親; lit. 'propose marriage'), where both families will meet to discuss the amount of the bride price (Chinese: 聘金; pinyin: pìn jīn) demanded, among other things. Several weeks before the actual wedding, the ritual of guo da li (simplified Chinese: 过大礼; traditional Chinese: 過大禮; lit. 'going through the great ceremony') takes place (on an auspicious date). The groom and a matchmaker will visit the bride's family bearing gifts like wedding cakes, sweetmeats and jewelry, as well as the bride price. On the actual wedding day, the bride's family will return a portion of the bride price (sometimes in the form of dowry) and a set of gifts as a goodwill gesture.
Bride prices vary from RMB 1,000,000 in famously money-centric Shanghai to as little as RMB 10,000. A house is often required along with the bride price (an apartment is acceptable, but rentals are not) and a car under both or only the bride's name, neither of which are counted toward the bride price itself. In some regions, the bride's family may demand other kinds of gifts,none counted toward the bride price itself. May 18 is a particularly auspicious day on which to pay the bride price and marry as its Chinese wording is phonetically similar to "I will get rich".Bride prices are rising quickly in China largely without documentation but a definite verbal and cultural understanding of where bride prices are today. Gender inequality in China has increased competition for ever higher bride prices. Financial distress is an unacceptable and ignored justification for not paying the bride price. If the grooms' side cannot agree or pay, they or simply the groom himself must still pay a bride price [29] thus borrowing from relatives is a popular if not required option to "save face". Inability to pay is cause for preventing a marriage which either side can equally recommend. Privately, families need bride prices due to China's lack of a social security net[citation needed] and a one child policy which leaves parents with neither retirement funding nor caretaking if their only child is taken away as brides typically move into the groom's residence upon marrying as well as testing the groom's ability to marry by paying cash and emotionally giving up his resources to the bride. Publicly, families cite bride price as insurance in case the man abandons or divorces the wife and that the bride price creates goodwill between families. The groom's side should pay more than what the bride's side has demanded to "save face". Amounts preferably follow the usual red envelope conventions though the sum is far more important.
Bride Price in Uganda
Bride price is a bit of a misnomer because the bride isn’t actually appraised in value — thank goodness. Generally, the term refers to the payment made in exchange for the bride’s family’s loss of her labor or education fees. The custom varies between tribes.
Among the Bagisu, the customary bride price is four cows, four goats and some cash while among the Bakonzo tribe, it’s one hoe, one blanket, 12 goats and 12 jerry cans of local brew. Actually, the deal can be sealed with as little as a single hoe or bag of sugar. Customary law establishes that once the gift is physically accepted by the elders, the transaction is final. Unlike most African purchases, however, this purchase is 100% refundable.
Offering a goat for the bride price
So here’s the interesting stuff…
When a bride is “purchased,” she generally becomes the property of her new husband and whoever else contributed to the bride price, typically the clan or extended family. Therefore, if she “misbehaves,” her husband can seek damages and recover the bride price.
Further, since the clan also has a stake in the outcome of the marriage, the bride is, for all intents and purposes, considered property of the clan and community. An unfaithful wife will not only face a beating by her husband, but also the wrath and ostracism of the clan.
Generally, African women view marriage as a sacred contract and follow their traditional roles — a life of servitude and obedience to their husbands, somewhat reminiscent of America’s pre-feminist days. Many African women take great pride in serving their husbands and consider it an important function to “protect” them.
The groom and bride
While village women stay close to home to attend to domestic duties, men enjoy their freedom in the trading centers or in distant homes where they may keep another wife or two. (The brother of my host has five wives.)
Polygamy
Polygamy (technically polygyny) is practiced widely in Uganda and many parts of Africa, particularly in rural settings. Its origins range from ensuring population growth to securing bonds between clans. It’s a hotly debated topic, and Kenya recently passed a bill legalizing it, bringing civil law in line with customary law. Legal or not, the vast majority of Kenyan and Ugandan men have multiple partners.
I can’t yet determine why educated women knowingly enter into a co-wife or polygamous arrangement, but it’s very common. Perhaps the fear of being alone is too great. Better to marry in a co-wife arrangement than to marry no one. (Remaining single is not an option in the village.) My sympathy really goes to the first wife, who often marries her true love, unaware that within a few years, her status may downgrade from “wife” to “first wife.”
The Downside of Polygamy
Most of my male African acquaintances maintain multiple relationships outside their first marriage. It’s an aspect of the culture that I shouldn’t judge, but I’m critical of the practice.
Sanctioned extramarital activity, as its practiced in sub-Saharan Africa casts a wide sexual net that accelerates the spread of sexually transmitted infections. At the health clinic, we see women repeatedly infected with syphilis due to their philandering husbands. It takes a strong woman to turn down her husband’s sexual advances, and many women are beaten if they refuse. Even if her partner is HIV+, it’s culturally unacceptable for a woman to turn him away. Needless to say, extramarital sex is a major contributor to the spread of HIV in SSA.
There are many reasons I object to polygamy as I see it practiced in Africa today, but the most obvious argument is that polygamy doesn’t respect the principle of equality between men and women. It demeans women. Further, it’s heartbreaking to see women abandoned without the legal option to divorce or remarry. Estranged wives are terribly lonely and often left with few resources to care for their children.
Generally I see many men enter into a marriage with intentions to remain monogamous. Eventually, however, they get sidetracked, get a girl pregnant and then rationalize polygamy. One could argue that by marrying their pregnant mistresses, they are acting responsibly
