A while ago, I read a post here from a woman who talked about how being very attractive actually made dating harder for her. She said men often didn’t see her for who she really was — they projected fantasies, assumed she was out of their league, or treated her like a trophy. Some felt insecure dating her, and some even left her for women they saw as more “attainable.” On the outside, it looked like she had every advantage. But she described feeling isolated, misunderstood, and constantly underestimated in relationships.
That post really stuck with me. And the more I thought about it, the more I saw a weird parallel in my own experience — but from the other side of the spectrum. I’m not “intimidatingly hot,” but I’ve come to realize I give off the vibe of being too safe.
I’m 28. I’m an attorney. I own my home, my car’s paid off, I dress decently (mostly because of work), and I have strong relationships with my family and friends. I go to church, I travel, I’m social, and I’ve worked hard to build a stable, intentional life. But that stability — the very thing I thought would be attractive — seems to get me boxed in as the “boring but reliable” guy. The one you come back to after you’re done chasing excitement.
And it sucks. Because like that woman, I’m not what people assume at first glance. I’m spontaneous, emotionally available, adventurous, and I’ve had deep, fun, passionate relationships. But I still get this sense that women I date are treating the relationship differently — like they’re being cautious because they think I’m already in “husband mode.”
One woman I dated for almost a couple of months told me I was everything she wanted — stable, kind, grounded, emotionally mature. Then she left and started dating a guy who didn’t have a steady job, lived with friends, and openly admitted he wasn’t looking for commitment. Despite her saying she wanted all these other things.
