Took one hit from a water-pipe, then watched the plant burn and got ready to exhale the smoke. After exhaling I had to reach down to take another hit. However, I noticed that there was a force pulling me up hard and it was impossible to go back.
I fought it and pulled back down as hard as I could. At first this was just trivial... I needed to go back down for the next hit. However, this feeling quickly turned to terror. I realized that my world was being pulled apart -> day to day life in this world was a privilege and an illusion that needed to be held down. Without the tarp of reality, it was all over and nothing would ever be okay again. I literally felt that a void was being created from the tear in my world and my existence was dying.
As I continued to pull down I realize that my mom was to my side also pulling. My pathetic, spoiled existence here has been a hard fought privilege all along and now I am losing it forever. To my horror, I realized that there were more mother-self pairs all pulling different ways against me. I was never anything special and now my perfect world had been revealed as a collection of harsh machinery.
Then, suddenly I gained the ability to think about multiple things at once. Until then I had been so focused on the tug-of-war that I hadn't had any other strong thoughts or awareness of anything else (panic mode). However, I now remembered that I was going to smoke something out of a pipe. However, I had no idea what it was. Did I already use it? The thought made me terrified. Everything clicked and my awareness of the world flickered on and off like a light switch like a harsh pounding. My heart beat fast as I wondered if it could have really done this.
After this, I regained more awareness quickly. I felt a slight weightlessness and dizziness, also very strange feeling in general. Part of me believed I had won the contest against those other versions of my person and I had to get out of there and back to my regular life NOW. I then looked at the ground and realized I had no awareness of which way was up and which way was down. For a few minutes I closed my eyes with the hope that the trip would wear off. I may have had some visuals but don't really remember and didn't focus on these.
I was still panicked and dysphoric. Thus, I quickly left and in a few minutes could think about the experience. I felt a lot better.
I fought it and pulled back down as hard as I could. At first this was just trivial... I needed to go back down for the next hit. However, this feeling quickly turned to terror. I realized that my world was being pulled apart -> day to day life in this world was a privilege and an illusion that needed to be held down. Without the tarp of reality, it was all over and nothing would ever be okay again. I literally felt that a void was being created from the tear in my world and my existence was dying.
As I continued to pull down I realize that my mom was to my side also pulling. My pathetic, spoiled existence here has been a hard fought privilege all along and now I am losing it forever. To my horror, I realized that there were more mother-self pairs all pulling different ways against me. I was never anything special and now my perfect world had been revealed as a collection of harsh machinery.
Then, suddenly I gained the ability to think about multiple things at once. Until then I had been so focused on the tug-of-war that I hadn't had any other strong thoughts or awareness of anything else (panic mode). However, I now remembered that I was going to smoke something out of a pipe. However, I had no idea what it was. Did I already use it? The thought made me terrified. Everything clicked and my awareness of the world flickered on and off like a light switch like a harsh pounding. My heart beat fast as I wondered if it could have really done this.
After this, I regained more awareness quickly. I felt a slight weightlessness and dizziness, also very strange feeling in general. Part of me believed I had won the contest against those other versions of my person and I had to get out of there and back to my regular life NOW. I then looked at the ground and realized I had no awareness of which way was up and which way was down. For a few minutes I closed my eyes with the hope that the trip would wear off. I may have had some visuals but don't really remember and didn't focus on these.
I was still panicked and dysphoric. Thus, I quickly left and in a few minutes could think about the experience. I felt a lot better.
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