Discussion Autists of the forum: What is it like to experience life with autism?

[verybasedindeed]

Title.

 

[gummybearcel]

Pretty dull. Like living as a blind man in a world where people communicate with sign language.

 

[Copexodius Maximus]

Most of the forum is autistic, and never asked a chick out in their life.

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

Most of the forum is autistic

^

Hellish tbh. Was an outsider the second I first set foot into a pre-school, never had friends in front of whom I didn't have to mask, my parents could neither understand nor relate to how I felt and thought about things, more than a decade with bullying and social isolation at the bottom of the hierachy followed by a short time institutionalised and quitting school. Would not recommend.

 

[der_komische]

i feel exhausted and stressed 24/7. I have noise, colour, touch, time pressure, socializing etc sensitivity and i also only wear like 2 types of clothes for years otherwise i will feel extremely ugly and have an itching feeling all over my body

 

[Copexodius Maximus]

^

Hellish tbh. Was an outsider the second I first set foot into a pre-school, never had friends in front of whom I didn't have to mask, my parents could neither understand nor relate to how I felt and thought about things, more than a decade with bullying and social isolation at the bottom of the hierachy followed by a short time institutionalised and quitting school. Would not recommend.

Should have just put you down at birth

 

[gummybearcel]

Hellish tbh. Was an outsider the second I first set foot into a pre-school, never had friends in front of whom I didn't have to mask, my parents could neither understand nor relate to how I felt and thought about things, more than a decade with bullying and social isolation at the bottom of the hierachy followed by a short time institutionalised and quitting school. Would not recommend.

I used to talk to a lot of autists and it appears this bullying/isolation experience is almost universal, especially in male autists.
Ironically Gen Zers are the most anti-autist generation in history despite their 'tolerance'. Social networks almost always only work in favour of the neurotypicals.

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

Should have just put you down at birth

Nah, I prefer having been alive, even after all that. I would rather have lived and die screaming than not be born at all. If there was maybe one more horrible thing about my life, lets say some chronic pain or blindness or similar, then I might change my mind, but as it stands, I still consider my life a net positive from my subjective perspective.

 

[Copexodius Maximus]

Nah, I prefer having been alive, even after all that. I would rather have lived and die screaming than not be born at all. If there was maybe one more horrible thing about my life, lets say some chronic pain or blindness or similar, then I might change my mind, but as it stands, I still consider my life a net positive from my subjective perspective.

Lucky you

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

Lucky you

I wouldn't go that far.

 

[Intellau_Celistic]

It varies based on the genes involved.

Yes. Like you, I suffer from chronic constipation and acid reflux. My constipation is due to something I was born with.

As a young child, I used to pace the floor for hours until the pain from my constipation subsided

...

Okay. I'll start:

Story One:

I've suffered from Major Depressive Disorder(MDD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder(GAD) since I was nine or ten. This led to me entering a group therapy program when I was fourteen, where I met a young girl named Shannon.

Shannon was anxious and had social anxiety/depression. However, Shannon was treated fairly well in the program. I, however, I was denigrated by both psychologists and youth. A certain "redhead" psychologist would frequently criticize me because I struggled to make eye contact or speak to other youth. I had to use stress balls to control my anxiety, which made me a source of amusement for the other youth in the group. They whispered and laughed at me, but treated Shannon like a queen.

To shorten the story, I'll say this: We were placed into separate therapy groups due to "unintended problems"(Negatively "influencing" a female of higher status). Years later, she did some "lovely things" to me after volunteering in the psychiatric hospital.

That situation has always bothered me. Anyway, moving on...

Story: Two:

I lived in a youth commune for some time. There, I was harassed/bullied by Tyrone and Chadlito. Tyrone took pictures of my naked body(I was in the male bathroom cleaning myself) and started laughing at my child-like appearance and fairly small phallus size with his roommate. He also threw dice at my room door each night and would play loud "rap" music at maximum volume to disturb me.

Chadlito, however, was much more subtle. He would peak into my room and, on occasion, steal my items. He also liked to gossip about me("He's a weirdo", "He's a freak", "He puts food in bags and goes outside to eat alone") and especially loved recording me. This led to him recording me while I was sleeping(I have sexsomnia), which led to the shelter boys/girls laughing at my "sexual speech". Note that the shelter girls had already mocked me previously for my feminine voice and autistic, avoidant behavior.

Because my case manager divulged my ASD diagnosis freely, I was a prime target for bullying and abuse from other youth. Chadlito eventually tried to have me evicted from the commune, which happened after I started staying in my commune room most of the time to avoid being shoved into desks by him(Demonstrating his "machismo" against an innocent aspie).

It is painful to have ASD, MDD, GAD, PTSD(It was already present from childhood trauma), and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria/RSD. I would've likely roped if not for my obsessive fantasizing from ASD.

From kindergarten to second grade, I had a single friend. He stuttered sometimes, but was initially kind to me. Later, he integrated with the NT kids and left me alone, leaving me friendless. I'd pace the playground alone until the teachers ordered us to line up. After that, I was homeschooled until 8th grade.

Mother placed me in a Jewish program for children. I was too anxious to socialize. I kept my head down while sweating for the two sessions I attended. Then she placed me in group therapy, where I was bullied.

Yes; my father would regularly batter Mother and break things. When angry, Mother would grab my stimming objects and shake them in my face while tightly grasping my neck.

Mother moved into a separate apartment and stayed with relatives, at times. We also had to live with my paternal grandparents.

My grandmother would often ask me to do things for her. I obediently tried to follow her instructions and received denigration as a result. She would yell at me and say things like "Look! Use your eyes!"(Because I was anxious and had visual processing issues), "Did you hear me!?! That isn't the way I told you to do it!"(When I would drop things or make mistakes because I was sweating and anxious out of fear of upsetting her). She would tell me "Put your head up. No one did anything to you" because I was too anxious to make eye contact with her.

Years ago, I was bullied too. Youth would laugh at me because I was a short autistic boy who was unable to speak without stuttering. They called me "house mouse", "weirdo", "freak", "pipsqueak", "leprechaun"(feminine voice). One girl said, "I think he has a disability" as a joke.

I've always been dissociated from my surroundings because of my illnesses, so I speak to myself for comfort and clarity. This attracted the attention of a certain Hispanic boy, who happily recorded my private chatter and played it with his friends. He also started shoving me into desks when he realized how "easy" it was to torment me. Eventually, I had a mental breakdown from this.

You're reminding me of my first stint in group therapy. Youth would nearly always overlook me. Some blatantly insulted me and made statements such as "Intellau, you know no one wants to partner with you. Go over to the table and sit alone", "Tsk"(Directed at me), "No one likes him! He acts like a female! Why do I have to go to the 'Quiet Room'?".

The only exception was when a certain kind youth joined my group. He treated me respectfully and showed concern for my obvious anxiety and social ineptitude; I was his partner for one group assignment, and it went very well.

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

I used to talk to a lot of autists and it appears this bullying/isolation experience is almost universal, especially in male autists.
Ironically Gen Zers are the most anti-autist generation in history despite their 'tolerance'. Social networks almost always only work in favour of the neurotypicals.

Pretty much everything in modernity is a 180° switch from what it purports to be. An anti-racist society that demonizes an entire race (whites) for the underperformance of other races (blacks/latinos) by denying evolution and scientific evidence (anti-science) to a degree that rivals creationists and religious fanatics of old. Despite being supposedly atheistic.

Claiming to strive for equality while making the sexual market more unequal than it might have been since we left the jungle / savanha and founded civilisation.

Communist ideology at the highest rungs of the world's leading cooperations and in high regards amongst the rich elites and commodification of communist imagery into fashion statements and status symbols.

This world is so dishonest, the only way to make it through without going insane is to simply not care. Not care about all the lies, what's right or wrong, true or false, just focus on yourself and your own and ignore everything else.

I really wonder how a society would look like where a majority, or atleast a large minority of the population was non-NT. Couldn't be much worse than this garbage.

 

[AsiaCel]

Hell. You will never be normal even if you were a Chad.

 

[Alone75]

It doesnt seem that bad.


That autistic guy mogs me to hell anyway.

 

[verybasedindeed]

It doesnt seem that bad.


That guy mogs me to hell anyway.

Brutal. Even an autistic wife with down syndrome is lookist/hypergamous.

 

[Alone75]

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Brutal. Even an autistic wife with down syndrome is lookist/hypergamous.

I noticed that, brutal indeed!