Johnny-come-never
Banned
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- Joined
- Oct 21, 2023
- Posts
- 15
A few years ago, my autistic lack of social skills prevented me from spotting IOIs from a hot female coworker. I probably missed a relationship out.
Furthermore, this woman was a challenger: better-looking and taller than me.
Furthermore, this woman was a challenger: better-looking and taller than me.
It happened six years ago. I was young graduate, first job as a software engineer.
I had a female coworker, a software engineer as well. She had joined the company six months after me.
I really liked working with her, often pair programming. Got along well.
After a few months she eventually quit. I told one of my colleagues I was going to miss her.
He looked extremely surprised and replied: "But we all thought you were dating!".
That means I didn't get the IOIs at all. Since then I've learnt about it and I should have noticed:
- she never rejected me when I suggested pair programming
- she sometimes initiated pair programming
- we spent quite a lot of time Skyping instead of working
- she complimented (a little) both my looks and personality
- she confided in me (ok this one could have meant friendzone)
- she touched and teased me in front of others (I think this very one explains the quote above)
- we had a few lunches and walks all alone, including from work to her building
- she gave me her phone number, and we spent some evenings texting
I saw our relationship as professional and nothing more; I saw our Skyping and texting as informal communication, small talk.
Yes I was socially dumb, and I'm still but at a much lesser degree I guess. I hope I've improved my social skills, but such a thing never happened again.
(I must say that I've only worked remotely since then, due to severe depression partly because of this story; today I'm going better and currently seeking on-site job.)
In addition and in my defense, her profile was a real outlier! I had no clue she could ever have been into me, I mean:
- she was a hot Moroccan, I was an average-looking white Frenchman
- she was 26, I was 22
- she was 5'11, I was 5'5!!!
- (and we had the exact same job and salary)
As an autist, I've had no friends since high school and could never have imagined this happening to me. I wasn't ready.
Looking back on it, this experience is no longer suifuel but lifefuel; that's why I want to go back to on-site work.