it was 2016 a few days after my 20th birthday. I made the decision to not live any longer because nothing suited me (it still doesn't today) I was dissatisfied with everything. I left a farewell message in my room, it was just a few sentences, even an insult to my parents Jfl. anyway i left the house, it was 11pm, i thought to myself, oh man i'm leaving this door for the last time, somehow a strange but also somehow a great feeling. my emotions were very neutral i have to say, i wasn't sad at all i was guided by deep hatred at the moment. my life went through my head again on the way to the train station, I thought about where and how things went wrong in my life so that it ultimately drove me to commit suicide. arrived at the station it was a few minutes until the train would arrive. I studied the timetable at home and chose a late time, 11pm as mentioned above, because at this time there is little or nothing going on at the station and I chose a freight train because they drive through the station and don't stop there. I then barricaded myself in the bushes at the end of the platform and kept checking my cell phone to see where the train was. it was 11:16 p.m., the time that was on the timetable but nothing happened, i waited, was completely relaxed, didn’t think about anything else, just waited for the train, another 5 minutes passed, still no sign of the train. then another 2-3 minutes passed and i stopped trying to commit suicide because it was winter and i was freezing lol. i then started on my way home again and when i walked away from the station for half a minute or so i heard the train as it drove through the station. I was just like, oh man, if I had stayed just a minute longer JFL. After that I didn't dare to attempt suicide anymore. it was not my fate. My fate was this fcking forum here.
