[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]When i was in high school working in the class garden pulling weeds maintaining the garden a group of bullies found me and held me down the proceeded to shovel horse manure down my sweater. I was punched in the frenzy and had bruises on my body.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]I was fat back then,a really fat kid and they held me down and pinched my tits, my pride was smashed and broken. sometimes i'd not even eat lunch because when sitting at a table people used to toss milk at me from across the room or poweraid bottles half empty at my person. shit fucking sucked. the worst lunchroom incident was when i was eating my nasty ass american public school lunch someone got one of those BRUTE trash cans full of milks and wasted food over me and kicked me over and i had to go to the office and change my cloths. i got laughed at because they only had girl khakis my size.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]I was eating tater tots and one of the cute girls came to bless me with her presence and then asked me out as a joke for the prom. Then her tall boyfriend cam in and saw her rubbing on my head and beat my ass on the spot. She and her friends were laughing saying "kick his ass,beat his ass" with a Spanish as their first language tone in their voice.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]now i'm 28 working my shitty job and some woman there is fucking with me. I'm waiting in the lunch room to be called on to a piece of work and this woman says "this dude weird, aye Jed,hehehe,he be stoopid" she goes and talks to the people in the office because she's cool with all the managers and the veteran workers and goes back to my table. I'm trying to look at dragonball threads on my phone and she comes to my table,puts her drink on it with authority and sits on the adjacent seat and looks at me then says "look i don't give a fuck wut you do, see, i just don't give a fuck what you think,hehe,alright" I said with a smile and shaking my head, "damn,shit like this makes me want to quit my job" "i don't give a fuck" she's getting very hostile with me for no reason, "this dude weird, is swear" now everyone in there looks at me funny when i walk in with angry faces.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]I'm getting sick of this shit, i'm losing my mind. then i come home to my FA life no friends or gf then get treated like shit at home by my dad and brother. he and his friend talk shit about me behined my back because evrey time they go out he comes home looking at me funny and not giving me the same smiles or small talk. All i do is work,eat,lift,and sleep. I'm trying to gain confidence through weights but i feel like trash, feeling guilty all the time like i just killed someone's dog but I've done nothing at all. feeling like i have to apologize all the time and coupled with feeling worthless, i just don't want to feel anymore. Now whenever there's a hint of confrontation i get crippling anxiety, the same feeling you feel when you look over a tall building or bridge. I can't function through funk, i get memories of being bullied back in school and i shut off. this made me very weary to meet people. what the fuck do i do?i'm too old for this shit.[/font]
