First @Mickeyonacid took his own life on Friday. Now, my family told me that a family friend has just died.
The worst part is, while the deceased had always treated me well, his relative was my childhood bully.
Preface
Most incels here hate my guts, let alone my long winded posts. that's fine; I'm used to being hated, as you'll read below.
Part of the reason is my positivity, which was based on the belief that even though we're incels, we could still find purpose in life by searching for a redeeming quality, even if we had to develop it from scratch. That was a belief that I inherited from the MGTOW community; although I'm not MGTOW, I thought that - since I no longer have anything to do with women/relationships - I could find a new purpose.
However, it only occured to me recently that most of those "MGTOW" have redeeming qualities, usually in the form of high intelligence. Raging Golden Eagle admitted to being born with an above average I.Q. Vention is a mechanic. Colttaine has a near mensa-level I.Q. (by his own admission).
In short, many people will look at these men I mentioned, and say that they "worked hard". Sure, they did work hard, but hard work only pays off if you already have genetic benefits over others. For example, If you're 5'5 with insomnia, and you train for the NBA starting at 4 am, and all your teammates are healthy and over 6 foot... well, you get the idea.
The Story
I almost never discuss my personal life, and that won't be a habit. But to make a long story short, when I was in Middle/High school, I was ruthlessly bullied. It was the first time I thought about suicide (just to escape from my tormentors); I got beaten up, my head beaten with a door, my hand slammed with a metal locker, and the list goes on. Most of my tormentors were black, and they hated me for being smarter than them. They laughed at my accent, the big words I used, and the way I dressed. Fun fact: many of them were completely illiterate.
Long story short, they were all chads; tall, basketball players, who spoke via slang and wore their pants below their wastes. I'm short, ugly, not very athletic, I always use proper English, and I always wear my pants at my waste. We were from different worlds; my parents came to dislike black people, and warned me to stay away from them. However, I originally believed that skin color didn't matter, a belief that would betray me for many years...
By high school, many of them became fathers (absentee fathers, to be exact), and many more became woman beaters, inmates, and parolees (we all know the trope, if you're American or understand American culture).
Their bullying ruined my self esteem. I was suicidal and depressed, and struggled with racial self hatred from the experience. I had no friends, and because most of my bullies accused me of being gay, no one wanted to be my friend then. I'm sure this is something you all can relate to.
So this bully who's relative died was someone my parents knew. When we were children, we were friends, but then we grew up, and things changed. He became what incels call "Chad"; he got laid, he became a star athlete at his school, and he had lots of friends. I went to being a friend to being an embarrassment. He even made me do his work, and I sheepishly allowed him to use me, believing friendship had to be earned.
I never did earn his respect, and just became a doormat. Whenever I told him my problems, he would repeat what I said to his actual friends, and they would all make fun of me. When I got robbed in high school (I had money stolen from me), he just laughed and humiliated me. When I revealed what had happened to me, no one was angry that I got robbed (among other things that made me feel bad). Instead, they just laughed at me for being a loser. This guy even made a YouTube video making fun of me, but it has since been removed.
Finally, after trying so hard to earn his friendship, I finally broke all contact with him. That was the end of high school, and I haven't seen or spoken to him since.
Conclusion
I'm tired of being positive. It has gotten me nowhere, and it's ultimately a denial of reality. The reason I was bullied is because I'm inferior, and those who are biologically inferior are targeted as jokes, even by other men. This is how attractive guys telegraph their sexual market value to the opposite sex; I'm what you want, and this loser isn't. Not that women need such men's help.
That's why comics, video games, and fantasy/sci-fi are seen as property of nerds; men who are seen as short, overweight, neck beards, and overall low sexual market value. It's because these things are copes for men who are biologically inferior, and can't openly compete and succeed to acquire female attention. That's why Bill Maher targeted comic readers recently.
The reason I got beat up and bullied in school is because I'm inferior. It's why I turned to comic books, manga, and science fiction. It's why I stayed indoors reading Homer and other authors. Men who are superior don't need these things, evidenced by the fact that the boys who bullied me were illiterate woman beaters, but still got laid. No one cares about what's in your head, only how good you are at passing genes.
More than once I tried to believe in hope, but there was no evidence that there is any. When I first learned about Based Shaman, I thought he was genuine because I had never heard of him before, and I thought that maybe I just hadn't tried hard enough. Then I realized why the incel community hated him so much: he started off as an Elliot Rodger parody, and then tried to rebrand himself as a self-styled life coach, giving advice to people. Even then, his goal was to insult (Let's make fun of these people online, and buy my merchandise!), and I still hate myself for falling for it.
Time and time again, I tried to find a sense of purpose. I thought if I kept looking, I would find something that would give me a reason to keep living. But now I realize that if you don't have a high I.Q., and/or good genetics, then you probably can't find true talent or aptitude in life, of which hard work will add benefit to. Hard work improves aptitude, it doesn't create it. Imagine if someone told a penguin, "You can't fly because you didn't try hard enough."
In truth, I understand why there are people who believe in this "Religion of Effort"; the idea that hard work can produce any result you want, regardless of biological limitations. In short, it's a coping mechanism.
If biology can be ignored and transcended on a whim, like the characters/agents in the Matrix, then why does biology exist at all? It's like these people believe we live in Wonderland, where the universe is not based on rules, or the "rules" just exist to be broken. It's as though they believe the force exists.
That's why PUA's - for example - claim men haven't tried hard enough if they don't get laid. Meanwhile, most of these PUA's are attractive men, but assume their success is a product of hard work, and not biological elements that they didn't have to earn; they were born with it. Success is largely a product of your birth; I was once a fan of Nikola Telsa, and his mother was an inventor before he was born (Did I mention he was booted out of school? So much for hard work, I guess). Clearly, his ability was a product of genetics, but many people will ignore this to believe what they want, because human beings care about what they want and feel instead of what is true. This mindset, I refuse to believe any longer.
Anyways, I've said my bit. I know that no one will read this, because nothing I say - let alone myself - has ever been important to anyone.
The worst part is, while the deceased had always treated me well, his relative was my childhood bully.
Preface
Most incels here hate my guts, let alone my long winded posts. that's fine; I'm used to being hated, as you'll read below.
Part of the reason is my positivity, which was based on the belief that even though we're incels, we could still find purpose in life by searching for a redeeming quality, even if we had to develop it from scratch. That was a belief that I inherited from the MGTOW community; although I'm not MGTOW, I thought that - since I no longer have anything to do with women/relationships - I could find a new purpose.
However, it only occured to me recently that most of those "MGTOW" have redeeming qualities, usually in the form of high intelligence. Raging Golden Eagle admitted to being born with an above average I.Q. Vention is a mechanic. Colttaine has a near mensa-level I.Q. (by his own admission).
In short, many people will look at these men I mentioned, and say that they "worked hard". Sure, they did work hard, but hard work only pays off if you already have genetic benefits over others. For example, If you're 5'5 with insomnia, and you train for the NBA starting at 4 am, and all your teammates are healthy and over 6 foot... well, you get the idea.
The Story
I almost never discuss my personal life, and that won't be a habit. But to make a long story short, when I was in Middle/High school, I was ruthlessly bullied. It was the first time I thought about suicide (just to escape from my tormentors); I got beaten up, my head beaten with a door, my hand slammed with a metal locker, and the list goes on. Most of my tormentors were black, and they hated me for being smarter than them. They laughed at my accent, the big words I used, and the way I dressed. Fun fact: many of them were completely illiterate.
Long story short, they were all chads; tall, basketball players, who spoke via slang and wore their pants below their wastes. I'm short, ugly, not very athletic, I always use proper English, and I always wear my pants at my waste. We were from different worlds; my parents came to dislike black people, and warned me to stay away from them. However, I originally believed that skin color didn't matter, a belief that would betray me for many years...
By high school, many of them became fathers (absentee fathers, to be exact), and many more became woman beaters, inmates, and parolees (we all know the trope, if you're American or understand American culture).
Their bullying ruined my self esteem. I was suicidal and depressed, and struggled with racial self hatred from the experience. I had no friends, and because most of my bullies accused me of being gay, no one wanted to be my friend then. I'm sure this is something you all can relate to.
So this bully who's relative died was someone my parents knew. When we were children, we were friends, but then we grew up, and things changed. He became what incels call "Chad"; he got laid, he became a star athlete at his school, and he had lots of friends. I went to being a friend to being an embarrassment. He even made me do his work, and I sheepishly allowed him to use me, believing friendship had to be earned.
I never did earn his respect, and just became a doormat. Whenever I told him my problems, he would repeat what I said to his actual friends, and they would all make fun of me. When I got robbed in high school (I had money stolen from me), he just laughed and humiliated me. When I revealed what had happened to me, no one was angry that I got robbed (among other things that made me feel bad). Instead, they just laughed at me for being a loser. This guy even made a YouTube video making fun of me, but it has since been removed.
Finally, after trying so hard to earn his friendship, I finally broke all contact with him. That was the end of high school, and I haven't seen or spoken to him since.
Conclusion
I'm tired of being positive. It has gotten me nowhere, and it's ultimately a denial of reality. The reason I was bullied is because I'm inferior, and those who are biologically inferior are targeted as jokes, even by other men. This is how attractive guys telegraph their sexual market value to the opposite sex; I'm what you want, and this loser isn't. Not that women need such men's help.
That's why comics, video games, and fantasy/sci-fi are seen as property of nerds; men who are seen as short, overweight, neck beards, and overall low sexual market value. It's because these things are copes for men who are biologically inferior, and can't openly compete and succeed to acquire female attention. That's why Bill Maher targeted comic readers recently.
The reason I got beat up and bullied in school is because I'm inferior. It's why I turned to comic books, manga, and science fiction. It's why I stayed indoors reading Homer and other authors. Men who are superior don't need these things, evidenced by the fact that the boys who bullied me were illiterate woman beaters, but still got laid. No one cares about what's in your head, only how good you are at passing genes.
More than once I tried to believe in hope, but there was no evidence that there is any. When I first learned about Based Shaman, I thought he was genuine because I had never heard of him before, and I thought that maybe I just hadn't tried hard enough. Then I realized why the incel community hated him so much: he started off as an Elliot Rodger parody, and then tried to rebrand himself as a self-styled life coach, giving advice to people. Even then, his goal was to insult (Let's make fun of these people online, and buy my merchandise!), and I still hate myself for falling for it.
Time and time again, I tried to find a sense of purpose. I thought if I kept looking, I would find something that would give me a reason to keep living. But now I realize that if you don't have a high I.Q., and/or good genetics, then you probably can't find true talent or aptitude in life, of which hard work will add benefit to. Hard work improves aptitude, it doesn't create it. Imagine if someone told a penguin, "You can't fly because you didn't try hard enough."
In truth, I understand why there are people who believe in this "Religion of Effort"; the idea that hard work can produce any result you want, regardless of biological limitations. In short, it's a coping mechanism.
If biology can be ignored and transcended on a whim, like the characters/agents in the Matrix, then why does biology exist at all? It's like these people believe we live in Wonderland, where the universe is not based on rules, or the "rules" just exist to be broken. It's as though they believe the force exists.
That's why PUA's - for example - claim men haven't tried hard enough if they don't get laid. Meanwhile, most of these PUA's are attractive men, but assume their success is a product of hard work, and not biological elements that they didn't have to earn; they were born with it. Success is largely a product of your birth; I was once a fan of Nikola Telsa, and his mother was an inventor before he was born (Did I mention he was booted out of school? So much for hard work, I guess). Clearly, his ability was a product of genetics, but many people will ignore this to believe what they want, because human beings care about what they want and feel instead of what is true. This mindset, I refuse to believe any longer.
Anyways, I've said my bit. I know that no one will read this, because nothing I say - let alone myself - has ever been important to anyone.
