Notkev
In-a-prison-of-my-own-making-cel
★★
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2023
- Posts
- 1,132
40% - Bragging
This is my first post here. I've always known I was ugly deep down but it wasn't until about 1.5 years ago that I learnt about the BP. I've been super depressed ever since considering I just turned 21 and am still a virgin. The ONLY trait that I hope can save me is my height. I'm 6'2 but very skinny (below 150lbs) currently and my face is just ugly and my personality sucks. I've read some of the posts here about things only getting worse as one ages. I really wanna try and see if I can still get something. College will be over in 2 semesters (well, 3 for my lazy a**) and I'm getting really desperate. I wanna at least lose my virginity. The reason I wonder if I may be a fakecel is because there used to be this one girl who actually showed interest in me when I was 17 ( I guess, because my sister was friends with her and said she really liked me, and that she literally wrote a letter on paper saying she hoped I liked her back, or I may be just coping to not feel like a loser). We started chatting but I was so f-ing insecure even then that I ended the relationship (if you could even call it that) prematurely. I was a f**king, stupid idiot.
Now over a year ago in college I met this girl that my f-ing brain just decided to make me obsessed with. Nothing really happened until About 5 months ago she decided to connect with me on LinkedIn and about 2 months ago I asked her to send me a video recording of a lecture I hadn't attended after which I followed her on IG and she followed back (I know this doesn't mean anything). Again nothing happened until last week. Last week was my birthday and I was really depressed. It was just me and my family. I posted a story of the cake itself and nothing more and literally 5 minutes later she replies on it saying
"happy birthday "
literally only one other chick did this and we've known each other since we were kids (and it's platonic as f***).
I had almost lost hope but this sh*t just had to happen and rekindle it. I just wanna know if there's a chance here, or if she's just playing with me and feels some sort of pity towards me seeing how obvious it is that I'm a depressed sad bum. We're not even friends and have never directly conversed with each other outside of very few one word interactions. I fear there might be a tiny chance I might change my situation but the depression is keeping that from happening. I'm not trying to brag or anything, and trust me, I'm ugly enough to the point that it took getting super skinny and clean shaving and growing my hair out to BARELY look like a human being. I've been so isolated and ignored by women that I can't even talk to a random girl my age. I just wanna make sure I don't look back and see there might have been a chance that I blew.
Am I a fakecel? Or am I just doing crazy mental gymnastics and coping hard to deny the reality of my situation? It's probably the second one.
Also can gym help me? I have wide hips and narrow shoulders, two of the worst debuffs ever.
Again I'm not being sarcastic or anything. This is the only girl in these 3 years of college who has shown ANY type of positive behavior towards me.
Now over a year ago in college I met this girl that my f-ing brain just decided to make me obsessed with. Nothing really happened until About 5 months ago she decided to connect with me on LinkedIn and about 2 months ago I asked her to send me a video recording of a lecture I hadn't attended after which I followed her on IG and she followed back (I know this doesn't mean anything). Again nothing happened until last week. Last week was my birthday and I was really depressed. It was just me and my family. I posted a story of the cake itself and nothing more and literally 5 minutes later she replies on it saying
"happy birthday "
literally only one other chick did this and we've known each other since we were kids (and it's platonic as f***).
I had almost lost hope but this sh*t just had to happen and rekindle it. I just wanna know if there's a chance here, or if she's just playing with me and feels some sort of pity towards me seeing how obvious it is that I'm a depressed sad bum. We're not even friends and have never directly conversed with each other outside of very few one word interactions. I fear there might be a tiny chance I might change my situation but the depression is keeping that from happening. I'm not trying to brag or anything, and trust me, I'm ugly enough to the point that it took getting super skinny and clean shaving and growing my hair out to BARELY look like a human being. I've been so isolated and ignored by women that I can't even talk to a random girl my age. I just wanna make sure I don't look back and see there might have been a chance that I blew.
Am I a fakecel? Or am I just doing crazy mental gymnastics and coping hard to deny the reality of my situation? It's probably the second one.
Also can gym help me? I have wide hips and narrow shoulders, two of the worst debuffs ever.
Again I'm not being sarcastic or anything. This is the only girl in these 3 years of college who has shown ANY type of positive behavior towards me.