I'm on summer break and it's just so boring. I have nothing to do, nothing. I'm so bored that I find myself trying to imitate events that I've done in the past to trigger senses of nostalgia, like if I remember a particular good feeling associated with eating lucky charms and microwave ready bacon while watching breaking bad early in the morning 5 years ago, i'll plan to wake up early, just to do that, just so I could get that same feeling, that's how bored I am. I'll literally try to recreate entire days that I had many years ago by myself.
What I might do in the next week or so is recreate an event that I've been yearning to experience again, the simplicity of it is quite shocking actually, all I have to do is pretend like I'm in High School again by studying from 6 AM-2:30 PM then watching 2 hours of the Walking Dead and then at 6 PM, just as the sun begins to lower, I need to take the city bus (even though I have a car) to my local gym for a squat workout with my belt. I also would like the bus driver to inquire about my belt and tell me "have a good lift", if possible, I may tell him or her to ask me that, but that's obviously something that I can't control.
Just the other day, I remember opening up a packet of these grapefruit acne wipes, I hadn't used the wipes in a while and as soon as i smelt the grapefruit on the wipes, I was immediately brought back to freshman year of high school when I would use these wipes like crazy (I'd go through 3 big packs a week, my mom would get mad at me for using so much). However, I was specifically brought back to a certain day, it was Fall and a Friday after school had ended. I remembered the crisp cool weather and the scenery outside of my house that I loved. I remembered sitting down on the couch in my small new house and watching some kind of horror movie, "Halloween" or some shitty low production "Sci -Fi channel" film. I remembered finding out about Zyzz (or something related to the aesthetics world/youtube fitness) that day as well and listening to some Zyzz songs like "Man on the Run" while eating ice cream. The dim orange atmosphere of the room I was in calmed me as well.
All of the events in my life that I have strong nostalgia for were when I was alone, by myself. I never have nostalgia for times when I was surrounded by people. I guess this is the biggest sign that I'm bound to be a loner. I'm getting older now and I'm at the point where I don't think people change too much. I guess this is my fate, always yearning for a better time when I was alone and delusional and blue pilled. I had just started my gymcel journey at that time, it's honestly amounted to nothing special, but hey, at least I can look back at those times when I was hopeful.
It's piss.
What I might do in the next week or so is recreate an event that I've been yearning to experience again, the simplicity of it is quite shocking actually, all I have to do is pretend like I'm in High School again by studying from 6 AM-2:30 PM then watching 2 hours of the Walking Dead and then at 6 PM, just as the sun begins to lower, I need to take the city bus (even though I have a car) to my local gym for a squat workout with my belt. I also would like the bus driver to inquire about my belt and tell me "have a good lift", if possible, I may tell him or her to ask me that, but that's obviously something that I can't control.
Just the other day, I remember opening up a packet of these grapefruit acne wipes, I hadn't used the wipes in a while and as soon as i smelt the grapefruit on the wipes, I was immediately brought back to freshman year of high school when I would use these wipes like crazy (I'd go through 3 big packs a week, my mom would get mad at me for using so much). However, I was specifically brought back to a certain day, it was Fall and a Friday after school had ended. I remembered the crisp cool weather and the scenery outside of my house that I loved. I remembered sitting down on the couch in my small new house and watching some kind of horror movie, "Halloween" or some shitty low production "Sci -Fi channel" film. I remembered finding out about Zyzz (or something related to the aesthetics world/youtube fitness) that day as well and listening to some Zyzz songs like "Man on the Run" while eating ice cream. The dim orange atmosphere of the room I was in calmed me as well.
All of the events in my life that I have strong nostalgia for were when I was alone, by myself. I never have nostalgia for times when I was surrounded by people. I guess this is the biggest sign that I'm bound to be a loner. I'm getting older now and I'm at the point where I don't think people change too much. I guess this is my fate, always yearning for a better time when I was alone and delusional and blue pilled. I had just started my gymcel journey at that time, it's honestly amounted to nothing special, but hey, at least I can look back at those times when I was hopeful.
It's piss.
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