So, I met a women and started having some daily conversations regarding how people are viewed and how they associate with others. She was complaining how she didn't want to work with others and we sort of had the same upbringing and attitudes towards things. Things were fine until I asked for her opinion on my appearance based on a photo I had attached to my public Linkedin profile, because we need that shit for work.
I think of you as my equal, so i'll tell you things without sugarcoating, that's for the weak. So, there are 2 things:
1- I don't care about how you look since I'm much taller than you, means we're not potential lovers. So it's none of my business.
LOL, that was fast. She is 5.9ft btw where as I'm 5'4ft.
2- I still have an opinion about how you look. You're not ugly, you're really cute.
This means nothing at all.
The thing is, you're the total opposite of what society thinks is handsome. You have contradictory features: a baby face + a little bit of facial hair + baldness. It confuses the mind, I think that's what happens when people see you, they're confused. If in addition to that, you have a deep voice, that's exponential confusing.
A monster, no surprise here.
But then, it got really interesting.
Now regarding how it made me feel, it's a little bit confusing.
Here. We. Go.
When I first saw the picture, it's like a I had a primitive instinctual reaction, I didn't want to talk to you anymore for a second. And it was a strong intense feeling of rejection.
Women hate ugly dudes, water is wet.
Then I asked myself why, since I was enjoying our discussions and I'm talller than you so no dating possible, I shouldn't care normally.
This my friends, is the friend zone.
But I thought about it a little bit and I think it comes from my own weakness: I could see how society would consider you, and how poorly it would treat you, and it's like I didn't want to associate with you to not be treated as poorly as you would be. That's an awful thought blablabla but we're not judging here,
Perceived value, society says x is bad, therefore x is bad.
we're trying to understand how someone who would enjoy your intellectual company a lot, would still not want to associate with you.
Oh, this is an easy one.
I've never felt this way, I thought I didn't care about what society thinks, and it's true, consciously i don't, but the primitive me does apparently.
We are really nothing but animals.
I cared for a second, but I don't think others ask themselves why and figure out it's their own weakness that dictates this feeling, they stop at the rejection.
10 milliseconds guys, that is all you have.
I'm pretty sure if I was successful financially, doing something I love and exerting power through it, I would not be afraid to associate with you, because i'd be immune to how society treats me consequently.
Great, I only have value as a human being if I mix with people who don't fear the negative consensus of dealing with me.
Having confusing features is maybe worse than being ugly, because there are a lot of ugly people, and it's like the large number brings them closer to the average person and we accept them, but people who confuse us are very few, and they're automatically on the edge. Means associating with them is particularly dangerous, at leas that's how my animal brain interprets the situation.
Ugly people are ugly, if your not ugly and your not good looking, you must be ugly, by default.
Okay now that I knew all of this, I thought i was free of it and didn't care again. But then I felt a deep feeling of uneasiness, I felt pity, and that's the feeling I hate the most. It paralyzes my brain. I hated myself for feeling pity towards how you people including me reject you instinctively.
This is the wires crossing, where the limbic system and prefrontal cortex grind against each other.
To me you're a smart introspective and observant person, no one has the right to feel pity for you because it puts them automatically at a higher place than you. I can't be friends with someone unless i see them as my equal, and pity is you knowing something and feeling a certain way about it and not telling the person because you feel it would hurt them. The only way for me to be free of this pity thing is to be honest and tell you it's there, so now we're equal again.
Hypergamy and perceived value, again, it is funny to see it admitted.
This communication pretty much ended there, what else do I need to say and what else do I need to get? Nothing.
But to all the people coping with "personality", this woman and myself had the closet thing to chemistry I ever had in my entire life and not even that could overcome the looks threshold.
It was an interesting reaction and it isn't the first time, but she was at least honest enough to admit this.
Thoughts?
